Title: The Day that Happened to be Before Valentine's Day
Author: Erica [
novemberslyth]
Rating: R
Prompt and Claim: 013. Crack!fic, (magnificent)
Fandom and Pairing: Harry Potter, Harry/Draco, Seamus/Dean
Disclaimer: If they were mine, there would be plenty more shagging.
Summary: It's the day before Valentine's Day and that means dancing/singing, shagging, and.. Lucius being a tattletale? (What's Harry singing? the song? Closer by NIN!)
Author's Note: I'm not sure if this is really crack!fic but, give it a try anyway. (Written for
wordclaim50!)
Valentine’s Day was getting extremely close. As in, tomorrow close and all the Hogwarts students were abuzz with excitement. And some were maybe drunk, or just out of their right minds. Though, no one expected the singing. Maybe they did. Who cares knows?
“I want to fuck you like an animal,
I want to feel you from the inside,
I want to fuck you like an animal.
My whole existence is flawed,
you get me closer to god.”
Draco gasped. Or choked, it was one of the two. He couldn’t quite comprehend which one it was, because Harry sodding Potter was standing on top of the Slytherin table in the Great Hall.. singing to him. And he was thisclose to falling out of his chair, but Blaise was holding him in place. Making him witness this catastrophe.
Potter was currently dropping on all floors, crawling across the table to stop dead in front of Draco. He licked his lips and stretched out his legs, cheerily humping the table.
“Erlack,” Sadly, that was the only thing Draco could get out.
He looked around, wondering if anyone was going to stop this. He saw Snape and McGonagall attempting to make their way through some unimportant first years who were giggling uncontrollably because Potter was acting like a rabid dog. Sirius Black and Remus Lupin were obviously a huge factor in that.
“Potter, you insufferable nancy boy!” Snape’s words drowned out as he was knocked to the ground, his wand the only thing visible. McGonagall disappeared somewhere, no one knew where obviously. That is until some second year jumped up on the table beside Potter wearing her completely out of style hat and his wand pressed against his crotch, thrusting forward like a wild man.
“Should a second year even know about something like that?” Draco yelled above all the catcalls to no one in particular.
“He’s one of your own, Malfoy!” Shouted Weasley from somewhere. Draco wasn’t even sure it was him, but it was going to be him for now. “I thought you knew by now that all Slytherin’s are horny little buggers!”
“Do you not care that Potter is doing this?” Draco asked, voice slightly cracking. “To me? Draco Malfoy, the cruel, slutty, prat that has ruined your life for years?” He tried standing up, but Blaise’s strong hands were holding him down.
“He’s been rehearsing this for days, Malfoy!” Some female voice had taken over now, the Weaselette maybe? “Why would we ruin this for him?”
“Aren’t you jealous, Weaselette? You’re not going to hex me for stealing your beloved? Your destined hubby for life?” His voice was quickly becoming hoarse from all the yelling, and Potter was peeling his shirt off. “This is your boyfriend! Get the beast away from me!” His words were muffled, because Potter’s shirt was suddenly in his mouth.
“You’re his mate, Malfoy!” Granger yelled, climbing onto the table with a book in her hand and the other pathetically trying to push her bushy hair from her face. “I just read this book and it says if you interfere with-“
“Help, or shut up, Mudblood!” Draco yelped, realizing that Potter had somehow gotten off the table and into his lap. Potter wasn’t done; he was dead set on singing some more.
“Help me tear down my reason,
help me it’s your sex I can smell.
Help me you make me perfect,
help me become somebody else.”
Potter’s hands were in his hair, messing up his silvery, baby soft, blonde locks. Too bad he didn’t wear any gel today, his hair would’ve been slimy and it would’ve scared Potter off for surely.
“Your hair is beautiful, Draco!” He cooed, absently yanking on his hair and completely ignoring Draco’s protest for him to stop. “I could run my hands through it all day!”
“Ride him, Potter!” Blaise’s hands were on the side of his head, assisting Potter in swinging his head side to side. Letting his beautiful locks flow freely.
“Maybe we should lower our voices you guys,” Everyone stopped, all turning to look at Longbottom. Draco spluttered, he was just sitting there with his head down practically talking to the table and when he speaks, everyone stops for him?
He sighed. At least Potter had stopped trying to ride him through his pants.
“Draco, darling, Thomas and Finnigan are shagging under the Gryffindor table!” Came Pansy Parkinson’s annoyingly high pitched classified as a shriek voice. “I bet you Thomas comes first and if I win, we shag tonight because I am so in love with you!” He laughed, hysterically in fact. She was so wrong; Finnigan was going to cum so hard that his prick would whither. That’d teach the Irish git to stop slutting around.
Draco grinned, remembering the day that just happened to be yesterday when Finnigan propositioned him. He wanted a shag, but only got off with a blowjob. That he gave to Draco, honestly. It was purely magnificent.
“NO! MINE!” Potter growled, crushing Draco to his chest. Draco couldn’t quite breath and squirmed when he felt something hard poking him on the cheek. Potter and his damn erect nipple!
Draco shoved him off and Potter landed on the floor, right between Draco’s legs. Consequently, that is where he wanted to be. Potter was staring at his crotch, seductively licking his lips.
“WHAT IS THE MEANING OF THIS?!” Draco shot up, he heard his father. Definitely time to run, daddy dearest would beat him with the pimp cane.
“Harry Potter has found his mate, Mr. Malfoy!” Some first year blabbered, earning a sneer from both Draco and Lucius.
“It’s Draco, Mr. Malfoy!” Another first year piped up, pulling on Draco’s sleeve and jumping up and down. Draco shoved the little boy away; being rewarded a kick on the sheen from said little boy.
Everyone silenced when Lucius slammed his cane down onto the table.
“Draco, my dragon, is this true?” He asked, long blonde hair flowing with assistance from the invisible wind that seemed to follow Malfoy’s everywhere they went.
Draco threw his hands in the hair and ran to his father. “They’re all insane, daddy! Take me away!” He exclaimed, pulling his father into a hug.
“Don’t call me that, Draco!” Lucius hissed, jostling Draco off of him. Lucius sneered once more before yelling, “I’m telling the Dark Lord because it is my job to tell him everything, you traitor!” He ran out of the room, cane long forgotten.
“Tell that fucker I said, BRING IT ON!” Potter called after him before latching himself on to Draco once more. “He won’t hurt you, Draco, you’re mine.” Scandalized, Draco bitchslapped him. No one claimed a Malfoy like that!
“You hit like a girl,” Someone snickered, but Draco didn’t hear them.
“Malfoy’s a kinky one!” Hooted the Weaselette and he glared at her, but she was only winking at him suggestively.
“Harry, would you be my Valentine?”
Draco whirled around, coming face to face with Justin Finch-Fletchley. Did this Hufflepuff just step up to them and ask Harry to be his Valentine? He was so going to get a black eye and a bloody lip as soon as Draco found Crabbe and Goyle because Malfoy’s don’t share and Harry is his! He wasn’t before, but now he is! Oh, no, what the fuck? He was Harry now?
“There will be no Valentine for you all!” Snape yelled, groggily picking himself up off the ground.
“Professor Snape, I know you want me to be your Valentine, but I can’t.” Harry shook his head sadly while rubbing the spot where Draco had slapped him that really stung like a bitch. “That’s just squicky.” And Draco agreed, nodding his head vigorously.
“How dare you suggest something like that you insuf-“ Someone had cast a silencing spell on Snape, Draco didn’t know who but when he found out, they were going to get a slight smile from him.
“Yeaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhh..” Draco dragged out. “I’m bored.”
There was a shout under the Gryffindor table. “I want to fuck you like an animal!”
So, the day before Valentine’s Day which just happens to be today makes Hogwarts kids out of control. It made them sing and dance on tables, fuck under tables, and scar their teachers for life.
Draco couldn’t wait until tomorrow.
Where was Dumbledore and the lemon drops that make his eyes twinkle?