I am going to change my major.
In the last week or so, I've had a personal revolution.
First, let me explain the circumstances surrounding this situation. College right now is breaking me apart. I'm breaking down and crying nearly every single day due to the immense burden of work that is on my shoulders. Now, I know that I made a 96 and 98 on my Biology and Chemistry tests, respectively. But you don't know how much stress I put on myself over these courses. I couldn't relax properly without thinking about what or how I should be studying. Even when I had three straight days of no class, I could not stop worrying about college. I fear that this will put a great mental, physical, and psychological strain on myself, causing my health to further weaken.
Second, as I said in my last entry, I am a momma's boy. I cannot go without seeing my mother for long periods of time. When she's not in the house, the house feels deserted. I don't know why I didn't feel like this in high school, as I would be at school sometimes for 12 hours straight. There is no one here during the day. I feel lonely, and I don't want to feel that way.
Lastly, last Friday, I went to my sister's award assembly at the Intermediate. I saw that Marissa's teacher was very young, 29 years of age, if I remember correctly. Then I remembered the sense of family I felt with my Academic Decathlon team and the Spanish Club. I remembered the small family of students in my English 4 AP class, just us 9 with Hammond. We were a family. That is the reason why I didn't miss my mother. I had my own family at school. We were such a tightly knit group of people. College doesn't provide that. The classes are huge, some over 200 students. There is no sense of comraderie or friendship, except if, by some miracle, you know someone in that class. I want that feeling back. In the words of Rob Thomas, I don't wanna be lonely no more.
That is why I'm changing my major. Science, no matter what it says in my Biology book, is not a sociable practice. When I was at the primary, one of the kids started to cry during the assembly. Mrs. Trevino, Marissa's teacher, went over to comfort the little boy. It reminded me about how my mother would comfort me when I was sad. I know the moment is going to come when my mother isn't going to be there to comfort me. To be honest, I have no idea how I am going to live when my mother dies.
I want to become a teacher. I want to have that sense of family with me at all times, at work and at home. In the same way that Knezek, Moore, Hatch, Chapa, and Hammond bonded with us, I want to bond with the students. I will also aim to stay true to my mission statement: to improve the immediate community. Instead of giving out medicine, I will be giving out more than that. I will be giving out life's lessons. I want to share that sense of family. As such, I am going to aim back to Tuloso-Midway, going back to my roots. I want to get a job as a teacher in the Tuloso-Midway Independent School District. I don't care if I'm going to make significantly less than I would as a pharmacist. Money is nothing without substance. Come time for me to make it without my mother, I can rely on my other family for support. As a pharmacist, I wouldn't have that family.
To be ideal, I would want to become some sort of math teacher at the High School, and be one of the sponsors for Academic Decathlon, provided that it still exists in the time it takes for me to get my teaching degree. And if it doesn't, I'll push for its rebirth. If someone is reading this, please forward it to the teachers that I knew at the high school, specifically the ones I mentioned above. I want them to know how I feel.
To those that may say that I'm just chickening out of hard classes, I'm not. I admit that the level of difficulty of classes going for teaching will be easier that those of becoming a pharmacist. This is for my well-being. This is for my emotional stability. At the University Monday afternoon, I ran into Heather Zdansky. She's going to become an elementary teacher. As I was telling her my situation, I started to break down and cry again. She gave me a hug, and comforted me, just like my mother would. At the end of the day, I felt better because of that hug. And when I got home, I gave my mother a big hug, and I started crying tears of joy. And as I'm typing this right now, I'm crying. Its just like when Mrs. Chapa had us for first period. We were her family away from home. We inspired her. I want that same feeling.
That said, I'm going to visit the school again Friday morning. I'm going to tell everyone. I don't care what other people are going to say. This is my future.
I love you all.
First, let me explain the circumstances surrounding this situation. College right now is breaking me apart. I'm breaking down and crying nearly every single day due to the immense burden of work that is on my shoulders. Now, I know that I made a 96 and 98 on my Biology and Chemistry tests, respectively. But you don't know how much stress I put on myself over these courses. I couldn't relax properly without thinking about what or how I should be studying. Even when I had three straight days of no class, I could not stop worrying about college. I fear that this will put a great mental, physical, and psychological strain on myself, causing my health to further weaken.
Second, as I said in my last entry, I am a momma's boy. I cannot go without seeing my mother for long periods of time. When she's not in the house, the house feels deserted. I don't know why I didn't feel like this in high school, as I would be at school sometimes for 12 hours straight. There is no one here during the day. I feel lonely, and I don't want to feel that way.
Lastly, last Friday, I went to my sister's award assembly at the Intermediate. I saw that Marissa's teacher was very young, 29 years of age, if I remember correctly. Then I remembered the sense of family I felt with my Academic Decathlon team and the Spanish Club. I remembered the small family of students in my English 4 AP class, just us 9 with Hammond. We were a family. That is the reason why I didn't miss my mother. I had my own family at school. We were such a tightly knit group of people. College doesn't provide that. The classes are huge, some over 200 students. There is no sense of comraderie or friendship, except if, by some miracle, you know someone in that class. I want that feeling back. In the words of Rob Thomas, I don't wanna be lonely no more.
That is why I'm changing my major. Science, no matter what it says in my Biology book, is not a sociable practice. When I was at the primary, one of the kids started to cry during the assembly. Mrs. Trevino, Marissa's teacher, went over to comfort the little boy. It reminded me about how my mother would comfort me when I was sad. I know the moment is going to come when my mother isn't going to be there to comfort me. To be honest, I have no idea how I am going to live when my mother dies.
I want to become a teacher. I want to have that sense of family with me at all times, at work and at home. In the same way that Knezek, Moore, Hatch, Chapa, and Hammond bonded with us, I want to bond with the students. I will also aim to stay true to my mission statement: to improve the immediate community. Instead of giving out medicine, I will be giving out more than that. I will be giving out life's lessons. I want to share that sense of family. As such, I am going to aim back to Tuloso-Midway, going back to my roots. I want to get a job as a teacher in the Tuloso-Midway Independent School District. I don't care if I'm going to make significantly less than I would as a pharmacist. Money is nothing without substance. Come time for me to make it without my mother, I can rely on my other family for support. As a pharmacist, I wouldn't have that family.
To be ideal, I would want to become some sort of math teacher at the High School, and be one of the sponsors for Academic Decathlon, provided that it still exists in the time it takes for me to get my teaching degree. And if it doesn't, I'll push for its rebirth. If someone is reading this, please forward it to the teachers that I knew at the high school, specifically the ones I mentioned above. I want them to know how I feel.
To those that may say that I'm just chickening out of hard classes, I'm not. I admit that the level of difficulty of classes going for teaching will be easier that those of becoming a pharmacist. This is for my well-being. This is for my emotional stability. At the University Monday afternoon, I ran into Heather Zdansky. She's going to become an elementary teacher. As I was telling her my situation, I started to break down and cry again. She gave me a hug, and comforted me, just like my mother would. At the end of the day, I felt better because of that hug. And when I got home, I gave my mother a big hug, and I started crying tears of joy. And as I'm typing this right now, I'm crying. Its just like when Mrs. Chapa had us for first period. We were her family away from home. We inspired her. I want that same feeling.
That said, I'm going to visit the school again Friday morning. I'm going to tell everyone. I don't care what other people are going to say. This is my future.
I love you all.