thoughts.
Sarah said some interesting things last night, but I was too ignorant / tipsy to care at the time… Truth is - she was sort of right. But I didn’t want to think about it because of another truth - things aren’t changing anytime soon and I think it is safe to say that things are getting worse in the scene of young people. Last night us girls tried to go out and have ‘girls night’ just like ‘old times’ - and although it sort of went as planned, there was just something strange about it. I’m guessing that it is due to the fact that not one of us are the same people as we were a couple months ago during those ‘old times.’ I came to this epiphany this morning when reflecting on last nights events. I’m really not sure what to make of it. I had a good time. I enjoyed drinking, dancing, meeting new people and conversating with old friends. So, why do I feel guilty about it? I didn’t do anything ridiculous to hurt myself or anyone else, I didn’t disrespect my intelligence or my body in anyway and I ignored the social things that I didn’t agree with (i.e. naked girls on the bar and large groups of young, drunk girls trying hard to be cute to ensure that they get attention from the guys at the club who are sure to give them some std’s). Yes- I do see a lot wrong with society’s idea of a good time. And, yes there are a lot of things that I see often that make me sick with disgust. But what am I to do? Denying that I have a good time at the bars/clubs would be a lie. Denying that I see a lot wrong with the places I go to sometimes is also a lie. So what does one do? Stop going out because its not an ideal society that meets all of my values? Lots of people would be staying in the house if that was the case. But looking at it from a different, more logical and less selfish perspective… It makes total sense. Why should I allow myself to go to places when I disagree with what is happening there? Why should I let guys sexualize me… look at me like I’m a piece of meat… and become just another girl in the pool of chicks for men to pick from. Its no secret that I sometimes bite my tongue to sort of not be as radical as I am, to get the attention, to fit it or to have a good time. It shouldn’t be this way, and I should have to analyze my behaviors or conform to situation. But tis’ life. We’ll see how it goes…