The Great Poly Dating Game
I came across the term polyamory a few years ago when I was trying to figure out Right answer to the question, "When you're married and are close to a friend of the opposite sex, just how close is too close?" Where are the boundaries that start making a friendship "Inappropriate"? Part of the appeal of polyamory is that the question ceases to be relevant.
I describe myself as polyamorous but more specifically than that I'd say that I'd prefer to let every relationship I have find its own natural shape. Rather than artificially categorising each as platonic or not, why not just let things develop in whatever way works out? For me poly isn't about allowing the possibility of loving more than one person, it's about removing the restriction that you can only love one person. Perhaps that's a subtle difference or even, looked at logically, a meaningless one. Perhaps, but it does sum up where I'm coming from: Let Every Relationship Be What It Wants To Be.
So what's all this got to do with dating? Well I am, tentatively, looking for a poly partner at the moment. A while back I grudgingly accepted that with an understanding and acceptance of polyamory being relatively rare I wasn't just going to meet someone whilst minding my own business. I registered on a few dating sites, met some people and had a few dates but it all felt very artificial. In fact, I was left feeling sympathy for the pandas thrown together in a zoo and expected to mate.
With most of the people I've contacted or been contacted by I've felt an underlying sensation of each conversation being a mutual Apprentice/Dragon's Den/X Factor style elimination-or-next-round examination, moving ever closer to some prize. It's really not an approach that I'm comfortable with. The flip side of the "Let Every Relationship Be What It Wants To Be" idea is that not every potential partner you meet is going to have that spark, but that's OK too! Why not just let the relationships that are only ever going to be platonic friendships be just platonic friendships, even if you initially made their acquaintance with other intentions?
And of course you never know, outside of the artificial environment of the cage, maybe those two pandas will eventually end up with a litter of cubs after all...