Silent all these months.
My attempts at blogging seem doomed to fail. I start full of good intentions and then things tail off. Procrastination? Laziness? Inertia? Yes, probably, but there's also a Real Problem: I don't feel comfortable writing about my life.
To start with, this persona is openly poly, and I need to keep that separate from other parts of my life. There's a whole blog post in that but in essence it comes down to the fact that, after a couple of attempts, I don't feel I can be openly poly with everyone because it would cause too many problems for a few people. But that means that anything related to poly doesn't go in my other blogs and anything not related to poly that could reasonably identify me doesn't go here.
Secondly, I feel uncomfortable about blogs that make remarks about people who are supposedly anonymous but in practice easily identifiable to anyone who knows them ("A certain friend of mine, who shall remain nameless, was saying while we played our regular golf game on Sunday that living in suburban Chepstow makes it terribly difficult for him to conceal his double life as a drag queen caberet performer from his wife and their twin daughters. It's up to him whether he wants to keep it a secret but the truth will out one day.") I try not to do this but I end up endlessly questioning myself on every little detail and wondering whether someone will take it as about them and whether secretly I want them to.
And then there's the general feeling that I shouldn't talk openly about people without checking they're happy with what I'm saying.
Finally, there's the worry that at some point someone That Will Not Appove, by which I suppose I mean potential employers, may track down something I say and it will result in problems. This isn't just paranoia on my part because I have seen first hand people doing this, though luckily they were an open minded enough bunch that they didn't hold what they found against the, very capable, candidate.
Is it any surprise that at the end of all this, I find that I have little I feel able to say?
I'd like to talk about jealousy, about self-discovery, about the amazing journey that poly is, about the only tangentially poly-related things I did at the weekend. I'd like be able to talk about my thoughts, feelings and experiences to my friends but for all the above reasons, my LJ account is silent.