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So, for a multiplicity of reasons, I have come to the realisation that I am just a complete failure. A sad fact of life. I wish I had a gun of some sort. That way, if I didn't shoot myself in the head I could at least shoot myself in the foot so the world would stop and let me off for a while

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Humanity's belief that being humanity is good doesn't reflect the inherent goodness of humanity, only its absurd arrogance. In my experience, most people only try to do good things out of selfishness- they want to be seem as good or virtuous, even if only to themselves. And as for the Crusades, I don't think that's a very good example to use if you're trying to argue that 'they thought that they were doing a good, just, right thing'. The Crusades were just another selfish actions, if not only because of the motivating belief that they as Christians had more right to some part of the world than, say, the people living there, but also because of the powerful economic boost involved. The Crusaders didn't come back empty handed, pleased to have fought for God- they came back laden with stolen goods pilliaged off their victims, the rarity of which fetched a very high price in European markets of the day.
I do not seek to exclude myself from this belief about humanity- the appeal to the implied belief that I am good really won't work because I believe totally that I, as a member of the human species, equally if not more revolting than any other person; though I may not wish it to be the case, it is so.