(no subject)
So, for a multiplicity of reasons, I have come to the realisation that I am just a complete failure. A sad fact of life. I wish I had a gun of some sort. That way, if I didn't shoot myself in the head I could at least shoot myself in the foot so the world would stop and let me off for a while.
I really need for this all to be over, but it isn't, and I would just love to get up one morning and not immediately have to think of something yet to be done.
Or to lie in the sun all day with nothing to do at all, not needing to be anywhere or to be preparing for anything or giving a crap about what anyone thinks or is doing and to just have a chance to revel in the bliss of being alive, unburdened by all the crap that shouldn't be a big deal (and isn't to anyone worthwhile) but, inexplicably, is to me. And what's the point? Not just of worrying, but of doing? Why do anything, or hope for anything, or try to acheive anything? You're just setting yourself up for disappointment, in my experience. Hope must have been the invention of some deity with a very cruel sense of humour.
And I hate the swarming, fetid mass that is humanity. If justice was an objective truth, we'd all die hideous deaths relative to our respective patheticness.
That is of course not counting the miniscule amount of people I've ever met who I've really respected. Well, more than respected- almost revered. People who seem to be like a glimmer of light in this cesspool. But they are individuals and do not represent humanity- anyone who tries to claim that the greatness of the individual is the greatness of our revolting species is deceiving themself. They give me hope, certainly, but it is hope in the sometimes very doubtable extistence of goodness rather than in some misplaced ideal of humanity. What a tragedy it is that the teeming hord of disease that is the human species must exist for those rare specimens who are something better to also be. Why must humans be so foul, why must they so fail time and time again to show even a semblance of something worthwhile about them? And why must anyone who hopes for more always be disappointed? What a sad state of affairs.
By the way, ignore this. It's all complete rubbish. It fits in well then, with my life.
I really need for this all to be over, but it isn't, and I would just love to get up one morning and not immediately have to think of something yet to be done.
Or to lie in the sun all day with nothing to do at all, not needing to be anywhere or to be preparing for anything or giving a crap about what anyone thinks or is doing and to just have a chance to revel in the bliss of being alive, unburdened by all the crap that shouldn't be a big deal (and isn't to anyone worthwhile) but, inexplicably, is to me. And what's the point? Not just of worrying, but of doing? Why do anything, or hope for anything, or try to acheive anything? You're just setting yourself up for disappointment, in my experience. Hope must have been the invention of some deity with a very cruel sense of humour.
And I hate the swarming, fetid mass that is humanity. If justice was an objective truth, we'd all die hideous deaths relative to our respective patheticness.
That is of course not counting the miniscule amount of people I've ever met who I've really respected. Well, more than respected- almost revered. People who seem to be like a glimmer of light in this cesspool. But they are individuals and do not represent humanity- anyone who tries to claim that the greatness of the individual is the greatness of our revolting species is deceiving themself. They give me hope, certainly, but it is hope in the sometimes very doubtable extistence of goodness rather than in some misplaced ideal of humanity. What a tragedy it is that the teeming hord of disease that is the human species must exist for those rare specimens who are something better to also be. Why must humans be so foul, why must they so fail time and time again to show even a semblance of something worthwhile about them? And why must anyone who hopes for more always be disappointed? What a sad state of affairs.
By the way, ignore this. It's all complete rubbish. It fits in well then, with my life.