Disgustingly unmotivated
Help, I have done it again
I have been here many times before
I Hurt myself again today
And, the worst part is there's no-one else to blame
I hate blameless situations, well...situations where the only person to blame is myself. Yet, I continually put myself in these difficult situations. Today I knew I'd be exhausted so I got rid of my work shift thinking it would give me plenty of time to rest after class this morning and then plenty of time to study for my test. So here I am, at 12:30...and I'm just beginning to study for my test tomorrow and I didn't even go to class today.
The blame I suppose would land on the Grey's Anatomy finale, because even though I haven't watched that show the last few episodes and thought I'd lost interest in it...after five seconds of watching it I was completely hooked.
But the most disgusting thing about myself today is everything that I had to eat. In fact, the only thing I pretty much did today was eat...so much that I haven't ate in over three hours and I STILL feel all this food laying there in my stomach. It motivated me to work out, for the first time in way too long...which only led to me feeling sick. However, I won't let myself throw up. That would be the easy way out and hopefully I can remember this feeling of disgust to prevent myself from ever ending up here again.
Mainly, I'm just so disappointed in my lack of motivation today. It's so funny how I am either on or off. When I'm on I bust my ass and work harder then I ever thought possible. When I'm off, I do nothing but lay on my ass and am lazier then I ever thought a person could be.
God, I can't wait till summer when the only thing I'll have to worry about is going to work. This whole working full time/going to school full time thing is getting really old. I need a break...and not one that happens when my body shuts down like it did today...a break! A real break, one I won't have to feel guilty about because I skipped class, or didn't do the homework I should've, or didn't go to work. Well, essentially...what I need is scheduled free time.
Only 4 more weeks and it's mine...
I have been here many times before
I Hurt myself again today
And, the worst part is there's no-one else to blame
I hate blameless situations, well...situations where the only person to blame is myself. Yet, I continually put myself in these difficult situations. Today I knew I'd be exhausted so I got rid of my work shift thinking it would give me plenty of time to rest after class this morning and then plenty of time to study for my test. So here I am, at 12:30...and I'm just beginning to study for my test tomorrow and I didn't even go to class today.
The blame I suppose would land on the Grey's Anatomy finale, because even though I haven't watched that show the last few episodes and thought I'd lost interest in it...after five seconds of watching it I was completely hooked.
But the most disgusting thing about myself today is everything that I had to eat. In fact, the only thing I pretty much did today was eat...so much that I haven't ate in over three hours and I STILL feel all this food laying there in my stomach. It motivated me to work out, for the first time in way too long...which only led to me feeling sick. However, I won't let myself throw up. That would be the easy way out and hopefully I can remember this feeling of disgust to prevent myself from ever ending up here again.
Mainly, I'm just so disappointed in my lack of motivation today. It's so funny how I am either on or off. When I'm on I bust my ass and work harder then I ever thought possible. When I'm off, I do nothing but lay on my ass and am lazier then I ever thought a person could be.
God, I can't wait till summer when the only thing I'll have to worry about is going to work. This whole working full time/going to school full time thing is getting really old. I need a break...and not one that happens when my body shuts down like it did today...a break! A real break, one I won't have to feel guilty about because I skipped class, or didn't do the homework I should've, or didn't go to work. Well, essentially...what I need is scheduled free time.
Only 4 more weeks and it's mine...