how are you true
den sternen sind wir gleich
philja (/roslyn/tamen)
an: ähm, halbe sachen zu schreiben ist schon mal ein bisschen besser, als gar nichts zu schreiben? spätestens nach ein paar hundert worten verliere ich jegliche konzentration. (& thea, i'm sorry.)
cw smoking/cigarettes
prompt von tears_into_wine
i keep losing myself to the sky and thoughts of your lips on mine.
where’s tamen?
ivy shrugs as she doesn’t even look at him, upside down on the sofa, playing on her phone. probably off to somewhere with roslyn.
looks like he’s finally found someone to run away with, philja says and he wants to laugh, he should laugh, but it comes out a lot more bitter than he intended to. ivy shrugs, distracted by the screen. mahiru’s gaze lingers on him, just for a moment, but it’s enough to annoy him.
philja knows what she’s about to say so he gets up before she has the chance to, see you later. he won’t, but they know that. without another word he’s out the door, leaving mahiru and ivy behind, it’s late anyway. he’s out into the night and it's cold but it doesn't matter, and it's too quiet and at the same time way too loud, he can't think.
he feels like running or like running away to anywhere, really, but only because tamen does, it’s his thing; he runs away, again and again, just like he always does, and now she’s with him and philja’s happy, he should be happy, he knows that as he kicks a stone across the street. his heart aches and he also knows it’s a lie and he feels horrible, and he finds another stone to kick. he wishes they were here. he wishes he could run away with them.
it’s cold, he's shivering. he lights a cigarette, it's a joke. philja wonders where they might be right now, probably lying on a beach somewhere or exploring a forest or whatever they usually do when they run away. roslyn has shown him pictures; usually it’s warm and sunny and looks like a completely different world, and her eyes are full of stars when she tells him about it, but now she isn’t here and it’s cold and that’s good.
his fingers are freezing and he can see his breath in the light of the street lamp, the smoke of a cigarette. the stars are far away and philja asks himself what would happen if he ran off and never came back again, just like this. he asks himself what would happen if he just stayed here until the sun comes up, until it goes down again. alone in the quiet of the night and he feels like freezing to death or maybe crying but that'd be fucking pathetic, so instead he just lights another cigarette and watches as it burns down down down, ashes falling not quick enough. philja stomps it out with his foot and he actually wants to swap places with it, but that’s also pathetic.
everything’s stupid, he decides, and he remembers roslyn’s words; sochenchyy, she’d call tamen, my sun, and philja remembers the look on his face when she said it and it was the actual sun and he can’t forget it, he just can’t forget about it, all the sun and the stars, and then they’d both smile and philja’s looking right in the fire of his lighter until his eyes are burning and he can’t really see anymore, but that’s good, that’s good.
he doesn't even care. he doesn’t care what they’re doing or where they are or if they are together.
except that he does.
philja (/roslyn/tamen)
an: ähm, halbe sachen zu schreiben ist schon mal ein bisschen besser, als gar nichts zu schreiben? spätestens nach ein paar hundert worten verliere ich jegliche konzentration. (& thea, i'm sorry.)
cw smoking/cigarettes
prompt von tears_into_wine
i keep losing myself to the sky and thoughts of your lips on mine.
where’s tamen?
ivy shrugs as she doesn’t even look at him, upside down on the sofa, playing on her phone. probably off to somewhere with roslyn.
looks like he’s finally found someone to run away with, philja says and he wants to laugh, he should laugh, but it comes out a lot more bitter than he intended to. ivy shrugs, distracted by the screen. mahiru’s gaze lingers on him, just for a moment, but it’s enough to annoy him.
philja knows what she’s about to say so he gets up before she has the chance to, see you later. he won’t, but they know that. without another word he’s out the door, leaving mahiru and ivy behind, it’s late anyway. he’s out into the night and it's cold but it doesn't matter, and it's too quiet and at the same time way too loud, he can't think.
he feels like running or like running away to anywhere, really, but only because tamen does, it’s his thing; he runs away, again and again, just like he always does, and now she’s with him and philja’s happy, he should be happy, he knows that as he kicks a stone across the street. his heart aches and he also knows it’s a lie and he feels horrible, and he finds another stone to kick. he wishes they were here. he wishes he could run away with them.
it’s cold, he's shivering. he lights a cigarette, it's a joke. philja wonders where they might be right now, probably lying on a beach somewhere or exploring a forest or whatever they usually do when they run away. roslyn has shown him pictures; usually it’s warm and sunny and looks like a completely different world, and her eyes are full of stars when she tells him about it, but now she isn’t here and it’s cold and that’s good.
his fingers are freezing and he can see his breath in the light of the street lamp, the smoke of a cigarette. the stars are far away and philja asks himself what would happen if he ran off and never came back again, just like this. he asks himself what would happen if he just stayed here until the sun comes up, until it goes down again. alone in the quiet of the night and he feels like freezing to death or maybe crying but that'd be fucking pathetic, so instead he just lights another cigarette and watches as it burns down down down, ashes falling not quick enough. philja stomps it out with his foot and he actually wants to swap places with it, but that’s also pathetic.
everything’s stupid, he decides, and he remembers roslyn’s words; sochenchyy, she’d call tamen, my sun, and philja remembers the look on his face when she said it and it was the actual sun and he can’t forget it, he just can’t forget about it, all the sun and the stars, and then they’d both smile and philja’s looking right in the fire of his lighter until his eyes are burning and he can’t really see anymore, but that’s good, that’s good.
he doesn't even care. he doesn’t care what they’re doing or where they are or if they are together.
except that he does.