(no subject)

[blujezzabelle]

not that i even really feel like writing anything. just murdering time i guess. i am in the strangest place right now. not in the physical sense. but certainly in the emotional and mental sense. i do not know what to do. i am so unhappy with my job...but dread finding another. i haven't the slightest clue as to how i can work one around my schedule next semester. after more than one person suggesting that i simply tell them when i can work, i did. only to be told that i cannot do that. and get more or less reprimanded for trying to do so. i have to have health insurance. i have to make enough to support myself. and now with the possible prospect of having to move yet AGAIN...i am at such a loss. the arts and sciences school has refused to let me get out of taking that damn campus culture gen 101 class that shows you where things at u of l are and how to use the computer systems...which i teach other people how to do. yet another blow. this whole relationship thing has got me down and i cannot come to a conclusion about it. and i am tired of being pushed. that is one of the things that i despise sooooooooooooo much. i shouldn't have gotten involved in the first place. i should have known better...known myself better. it just felt so good. i know that i will never find anyone else who loves me like that. but i just do not believe that i was made for it. i do not want to let go...but...

i am at a complete loss. and taking breaks never works. people get too hurt and too f-ed up. i wish that it hadn't gone so damn fast. too late to slow it down now. doubt that he could handle back-tracking. especially living in the same place.

i knew it wouldn't ever be easy...but why does it all have to be so damn difficult?