(Untitled)

[blueyesfl0at]

i was there when the sky fell into your chicken soup, splitting your matzah balls and spilling steaming broth into your lap. i was there when the clouds fell and it rained cotton for years. i was there when the full truths and promises were handed blade first to their owners and ended up sticking into innocent carotids

Comments

[lapluie]

you are beautiful, sam.

[blueyesfl0at]

*wrinkles nose* im surprised this came out so well, i wrote it at least six hours after i had the inspiration and the words were flying through my head. i managed to remember most of it.

[geoness]

Wow.

<3

[letrangerfemele]

gee whiz..
or should I say bravissimo?
passion stampede.

[blueyesfl0at]

*giggle* thank you thank you

[trillianbird]

Its really great sam. Up there with the best stuff you've written. If you want critique, which you usually do, the only thing i can say is, i'm not sure about this stanza:

"im a living breathing thinking entity in my own right. no one ever told me what i should believe, how i should think, whom i should love. and i was there when you accused them of corrupting me"

i dunno, it sorta killed the mood a little bit. But on the whole, very good, very moving, if i were capable of the state, i'd probably be speechless

you know something else..

[letrangerfemele]

This is strange for me, because well.. I do read a lot lot lot, not meaning LJ entries, but novels, books in general..and just now, well about ten minutes ago (my pc is bloody slow so by time I switch pages..)after I was talking with a gf of mine about the bad behaviour of someone I once felt near to - okay..a recent male in my life - that as I was making coffee I remembered this entry. What made it all come to mind, the incident at the time, me trying to 'be there' and call this person up to ask how they were ( an acquaintence of theirs died suddenly by crossing the road a few months back) a few months ago, and afterward this person changed their behaviour just like that