It is now my duty to complerely drain you

[blueyedxtears]

fuckinggggg yeah...im in a mood a bad horrible fucked up mood NO idea why they come and go but yeah...everyone in my family thinks Im depressed, I dont think I am I think im just fucked up and flip out when nothings wrong, but they wont listen to me, maybe Ill try the meds...Im either going on a ADHD=Anti depressant or two sepereates...who knows I actually could care less what they do to me im used to the whole medical profession poking and prodding at me looking for something wrong that isnt there and Im getting really good at just not giving a fuck. im really fucking cold and tired and sad and grumpy and congested too....Im considering not writing in this so it can be totally private cause I always forget to make theese private by the end of my pissing and moaning, Erin gave me a journal ive used it but im too lazy to write I type much faster than I write, so yeah im stupid really bad like...I always think things that might not be true but might be true but shouldnt bug me, like I dunno being left out and stuff like...I still get all neurotic since 7th fucking grade, I hate our school and the people in it like...a really a lot I dunno why but even people I love, I hate Im a mess though so it shouldnt matter what I think or feel because Im basically on a bi polar rollercoaster ride all the time, happy, sad, pissed, drained, a bitch it never ends,,,,always differentI dunno what to do with myself, something is clearly very very wrong but I dont know what the fuck it is, like, if I did I could fix it right? oh yeah and bertys going bald really bad I noticed today, hes still hot though, ummwhat the fuck else, yeah Im bad and did all the "emo" dramatic shit...fuck that label caklling something emo means A. you care and B. its a big deal and none of it is, I creep myslef out sometimes but I get over it, uhmmmm whatelse, yeah Im fat, always good, my skin sucks, I cant so anything right, I suck at life, and am even wierder than normal im annoying and a bitch and strange and boring and creepy and have no life or friends so ummm...always fun I just kind of wish I could stand on a star and be massively huge and flip the entire fucking world off because I hate everyone, even me did I mention im really freezing like to the point of death I hate my house its so stressful and loud and mean and small and the pool broke and I hate my family more than life itself, Im so sick of life in general, wheres the fucking good fucking part, obviously not in fucking newmarket fucking fuckie fucker fuckfinger I love that word thats something I love...the F word its amazing aint it

oh well tired and cold and need to callllllm and cry so leaving to deal with me my fucking blankies in the wash mother fucker