(no subject)
i havent been on this thing in so long. and considering im pretty sure no one still reads this thing. i need to get some things out:
im sick of trying to put on a happy face. im not happy. in fact i hate my life. i hate shit talkers. i hate excuses. i hate liars. yeah i realize that i am being slightly hypocritical but you know what?? shit happens. its not like you havent lied before. but honestly im over what happened last year. it doesnt bother me anymore. like ari told me people make mistakes. get over it. i know i hurt people i know it sucks i know i need help. get the fuck over it. im sick of trying to be perfect around certain people. if i fuck up, im sorry in advance. but honestly just get over it. i treat my friends like royalty so the least i need is a little slack. like honestly im sorry. im a flirt. if a guy you used to talk to like 8 years ago likes me. IM SORRY!! if i say i wont hook up with someone. i wont. but honestly if you get pissed at me then i probably will. i do things without thinking. if im mad at you i will probably do something i will regret. im sick of this drama shit. get over yourselves. honestly.
oh yeah and another thing. i miss nik. so much its ridiculous. like im over the whole getting sick everynight phase. so im not as bad as i was. i went to venice the other day and sat on the place where me and nik fell in love. this weekend was an emotional one for me. very random also. i would do anything just to be in his arms for a second. he told me that he wants me to say goodbye to him in person when i do. im thinking like the week after jr./sr. but not at school i need to see him somewhere else. maybe at the beach i dont know yet. but definately before summer because i want that time to get over him. okay for those of you that hear rumors or whatever. im not "talking" to any guy. i havent hooked up with any guys since nik. i still love nik.
so this is pretty much to everyone who hates me[which is pretty much the whole school right about now]:
im sorry for the person i became. i honestly was the biggest bitch last year and in the beginning of this year. i am soo sorry to people i lied to or hurt. those werent my intentions at all. i know that some people hate me because of what i said or did. but those were impulse things that came back and bit my in my butt. and i have been paying for them for the longest time. i will probably pay for it for the rest of my life. i cant say im sorry enough. im sorry that it took so long for me to see what i was doing and change it. im sorry im such a fuck up. but i am honestly trying to change for the better. please forgive me. im so so sorry.
im sick of trying to put on a happy face. im not happy. in fact i hate my life. i hate shit talkers. i hate excuses. i hate liars. yeah i realize that i am being slightly hypocritical but you know what?? shit happens. its not like you havent lied before. but honestly im over what happened last year. it doesnt bother me anymore. like ari told me people make mistakes. get over it. i know i hurt people i know it sucks i know i need help. get the fuck over it. im sick of trying to be perfect around certain people. if i fuck up, im sorry in advance. but honestly just get over it. i treat my friends like royalty so the least i need is a little slack. like honestly im sorry. im a flirt. if a guy you used to talk to like 8 years ago likes me. IM SORRY!! if i say i wont hook up with someone. i wont. but honestly if you get pissed at me then i probably will. i do things without thinking. if im mad at you i will probably do something i will regret. im sick of this drama shit. get over yourselves. honestly.
oh yeah and another thing. i miss nik. so much its ridiculous. like im over the whole getting sick everynight phase. so im not as bad as i was. i went to venice the other day and sat on the place where me and nik fell in love. this weekend was an emotional one for me. very random also. i would do anything just to be in his arms for a second. he told me that he wants me to say goodbye to him in person when i do. im thinking like the week after jr./sr. but not at school i need to see him somewhere else. maybe at the beach i dont know yet. but definately before summer because i want that time to get over him. okay for those of you that hear rumors or whatever. im not "talking" to any guy. i havent hooked up with any guys since nik. i still love nik.
so this is pretty much to everyone who hates me[which is pretty much the whole school right about now]:
im sorry for the person i became. i honestly was the biggest bitch last year and in the beginning of this year. i am soo sorry to people i lied to or hurt. those werent my intentions at all. i know that some people hate me because of what i said or did. but those were impulse things that came back and bit my in my butt. and i have been paying for them for the longest time. i will probably pay for it for the rest of my life. i cant say im sorry enough. im sorry that it took so long for me to see what i was doing and change it. im sorry im such a fuck up. but i am honestly trying to change for the better. please forgive me. im so so sorry.