The Hummer.
Tink pointed out that I have not told anyone about Mike Backhome and Christmas, Mom's boyfriend. He came for Christmas and POOR CHRISTY. They stayed at her house. (PS: I think this is totally weird and don't understand why Mom thinks Christy wants a complete stranger LIVING in her house for a week.) Chris had to work but I went down and stayed the night. It was crazy. I spend so much time alone that being around 6 other people kind of freaks me out. But I went and I made dinner - Lasagna. Shawn sounded surprised when he said it was good. Of course it's good. I didn't gain 40 pounds by eating food that tastes like shit. Anyway, so here's the thing about Mike. He is the most boring person in the entire world. I have no idea why Mom is even hanging out with him. He's not bad and it's not that I DISlike him. I just don't really care. He's so vanilla. THEN we watched a show called "Call of the Wildman," featuring The Turtle Man of Kentucky who says "Turtle-riffic!" and "Turtle-awesome!" This consequentially became Mike's catchphrase.
PPS: He got Christy a book on Dutch immigration to America 1840-1940. Riveting. I didn't get anything but after I saw that, I was okay with it.
Mom is different now. Christy calls it "The Dena Show." We are all actors in this sitcom focused around Mom. Making Mom happy, eating where Mom wants, never having an opinion - oh except me. That's my role. I am the brash, plucky, spunk-filled (don't say it!) older daughter. I'm the go-getter with an attitude. Christy is nice and pliant, the caretaker, mild-mannered obedient younger daughter. She is supposed to refer to Mom in all things and fix her dinner. We are similar to the Silverman sisters. My character is the one that ignores Mom and then at the end of the show, learns a lesson and finds out that Mom was really right. Mike's role is the happily henpecked husband.
They came to visit me for a few days (you are welcome, Christy) and I got to really explore my role. We went to Ikea to buy stuff for my apartment and stopped for food on the way home. I was asking mom about the stereo receiver and 6-disc changer. It was Dad's and I kept it because one day I will have an awesome stereo system and will watch movies through it and it will melt my face. I decided to get on that and tried to attach it to my TV. So - Dad died almost 8 years ago. His stereo is older than that. There was no way this thing was hooking up to the TV. I was asking Mom what I should do with it and Mike chimed in. He says I can totally hook it up to my TV. I told him it was outdated technology. He said I could at least listen to the radio. I told him all my radio is via internet. He said I could listen to CDs. I told him all my CDs were on my computer. He was protesting so much that I gave up and just said, "You know, I bet you're right Mike! I bet I can absolutely do that!" and gave Mom a look. She bursts out laughing and Mike looks at her and says, "Oh, did I just experience a Jenny Moment?" And he said it again later when we were trying to hang curtains and he was in the way.
What-the-what? A Jenny Moment? What the fuck kind of moment is that? It has a name now? Does a Jenny Moment mean an instance when I am right because it's fucking Jenny Moment all over this sonavabitch. What constitutes a moment? And why the hell would she warn him about it? I REALLY dislike this. We have played these games before and that's when she uses me to get a laugh. It's fun at parties. She told everyone at the Derby party (I think it was the Derby), that I was a fuck up. And laughed. She's awesome. It feels like a power struggle and I have just learned to try to stay out of the way.
By the by, we were trying to figure out what the boys would call Mike. His last name is Humnicky and at his work they call him "The Hummer." I told Mom that had some connotations that made it inappropriate for little boys. They decided on Mr. Mike.
On the plus side, Chris is no longer the newest member. He is officially in. That's kind of nice.
PPS: He got Christy a book on Dutch immigration to America 1840-1940. Riveting. I didn't get anything but after I saw that, I was okay with it.
Mom is different now. Christy calls it "The Dena Show." We are all actors in this sitcom focused around Mom. Making Mom happy, eating where Mom wants, never having an opinion - oh except me. That's my role. I am the brash, plucky, spunk-filled (don't say it!) older daughter. I'm the go-getter with an attitude. Christy is nice and pliant, the caretaker, mild-mannered obedient younger daughter. She is supposed to refer to Mom in all things and fix her dinner. We are similar to the Silverman sisters. My character is the one that ignores Mom and then at the end of the show, learns a lesson and finds out that Mom was really right. Mike's role is the happily henpecked husband.
They came to visit me for a few days (you are welcome, Christy) and I got to really explore my role. We went to Ikea to buy stuff for my apartment and stopped for food on the way home. I was asking mom about the stereo receiver and 6-disc changer. It was Dad's and I kept it because one day I will have an awesome stereo system and will watch movies through it and it will melt my face. I decided to get on that and tried to attach it to my TV. So - Dad died almost 8 years ago. His stereo is older than that. There was no way this thing was hooking up to the TV. I was asking Mom what I should do with it and Mike chimed in. He says I can totally hook it up to my TV. I told him it was outdated technology. He said I could at least listen to the radio. I told him all my radio is via internet. He said I could listen to CDs. I told him all my CDs were on my computer. He was protesting so much that I gave up and just said, "You know, I bet you're right Mike! I bet I can absolutely do that!" and gave Mom a look. She bursts out laughing and Mike looks at her and says, "Oh, did I just experience a Jenny Moment?" And he said it again later when we were trying to hang curtains and he was in the way.
What-the-what? A Jenny Moment? What the fuck kind of moment is that? It has a name now? Does a Jenny Moment mean an instance when I am right because it's fucking Jenny Moment all over this sonavabitch. What constitutes a moment? And why the hell would she warn him about it? I REALLY dislike this. We have played these games before and that's when she uses me to get a laugh. It's fun at parties. She told everyone at the Derby party (I think it was the Derby), that I was a fuck up. And laughed. She's awesome. It feels like a power struggle and I have just learned to try to stay out of the way.
By the by, we were trying to figure out what the boys would call Mike. His last name is Humnicky and at his work they call him "The Hummer." I told Mom that had some connotations that made it inappropriate for little boys. They decided on Mr. Mike.
On the plus side, Chris is no longer the newest member. He is officially in. That's kind of nice.