(no subject)
Crying seems like the only thing I can do right now. Im so fucking pissed off Im crying. I havent cryed in a fuckin long ass time. I still cant believe someone who I conidered a bestfriend could say something so fucking mean. I cant believe that someone who knows how close I got to my grandfather after my father died could say that. It shocked me. I dont care how many times they say theyre sorry it wont fix it, Im really considering to just stop talking to them all together. I punched my wall and hit the rafter. Such a sweet pain. The best thing next to cutting. All this anger is just building inside of me until I see Josh again. And then its all coming out. I will not be held responible for anything I do to him. I was to cut open his nutsack and poke out his eyes but his eyes in his nutsack and his nuts in his eye sockets. Then Ill slowly rip out each of his nails with plyers. Then Ill pull each one of his hairs out one by one. Ill pull his tounge out with plyers and swoe his mouth shut. Cut his dick off and shuve it up his ass and swoe his asshole shut. Thatd be almost as fun as cutting, almost. If only walls could speak youd all know how angery and depressed I am, but theyll never speak. Theyve seen the life I turly lead, theyve seen the best of me theyve seen the worst of me. I tryed to confess to the walls tonight but they wouldnt listen, they didnt see the pain. They could see through the blood. These four walls of my bedroom are my safty. Theyll never let you in, theyll never tell my secrets. The wont confess to you my darkest secrets or my problems. Within the walls I lay my head down in every night peace, and safty. Know that no matter how hard you try you cant fuck with me in side my room. But theyre not there anymore they left me. I have no one to talk to anymore. I have no one to express myself too. No one to understand my depressed or understand my anger. I know what your all thinking, you understand whats going on. That Ill be happy again some day just like before. But no matter how hard you try to make me happy again its not gonna happen. Truth is I was never really happy. I just want to dispear and be forgotten, thats all I want. I dont want nothing more. Just let me disapear. Let me go away I dont want to come back. Where ever I go I wanna stay gone.