The whole world is collapsing around me
It feels like everything in my world is collapsing around me. I really, really wish I could wake up tomorrow morning and find out it's February 2007 or something.
I hate the world right now. Hate it so much.
Today was my favorite co-worker's last day (she found out two days ago). She was basically fired (well, forced to resign) because our manager is so unreasonable that in the end, when the time came to make cuts, she was on the chopping block. Despite having worked there for almost as long as I have, and having always, always given her best effort and hardest, most honest work, she was forced to resign (her only alternative was to go to an On-Call (and therefore with no guaranteed hours at any time) position at a fraction of the pay she was currently at. Not an acceptable option for someone who is the only steady income in her household, with a six year old boy in the house. She could barely make ends meet as it was, on the income she got.) It was quite a shock to me, partly because I didn't expect it to happen like that, and partly because I naively believed that honest hard work and loyalty would get us both through the crunch.
She was technically my immediate supervisor (though she WAS NOT a manager; she was hourly like the rest of us. She is also a very good friend of mine and someone I've always enjoyed working with and have looked up to) and she was fired for essentially not being "good enough" at her job (despite the fact that she did her honest best and tried her hardest, and the problems encountered along the way really weren't her fault). Because our manager has unreasonable and unrealistic expectations, she took the brunt and lost her job because of it.
Even worse, it looks from here like she won't even be replaced, which means that I will have to take on her responsibilites (and the "baggage" therein) without even being promoted. I was prepared to flat refuse if they offered me the promotion, but it looks like they simply won't replace her at all, so all her duties will fall to me.... and I won't get paid any extra for it, either, because I'm at the wage cap (wage cap is basically the maximum amount of money per hour an employee in my position can earn. If you're at your wage cap, raises don't exist.)
Those duties and all the bullshit therein will fall to me without me even getting the option to refuse.
And I guaratee you, if SHE wasn't "good enough" there's no way I will be either. Which means that I could be looking at getting fired, despite having been there nearly 15 years, because the manager is so unreasonable with her expectations.
So... today was a very hard day for me, it being her last day and all. Our old manager (who, coincidentally, was laid off about this time last year... funny how this company keeps pruning away at people who've been there a long time...) came out to meet us for lunch (though I didn't eat, as I didn't feel like eating... it's That Time Of Month and I've been feeling nauseous all day thanks to Aunt Flo punching me in the gut all morning) and goddammit... I just want to wake up and discover that it's 2007 again. Back when it was idyllic, when I looked forward to going in to work, instead of dreading it and fearing for my job. Job security doesn't fucking exist anymore, I swear.
I have to get out of that store. I just have to. Before it's too late. I don't know how, or what I'm going to do (I know what I WANT to do, but I don't know how to get there from here) but I have to get out of there. And when I leave that store, I am probably never going back again, not even to shop.
It just feels like everything around me is disintegrating; the world is changing in ways I can't bear. I don't know what to do anymore.
I think I just need to talk to my mom tomorrow and see if she knows what I can do to try and put my aspirations into motion. I just know that I can't stay at Macy's anymore, but I can't leave just yet. I can't just up and leave, no matter how bad it gets, because if I lose my job there and don't have something else lined up, I am literally screwed. I need the health insurance, specifically the prescription insurance. Without prescription insurance, I can't afford my prescriptions, and without those prescriptions, I can't function like a normal, productive, functional member of society.
So... yeah. Fuck you, Aunt Flo. Fuck you, Macy's. Fuck you, Manager From Hell.
Fuck you, world.
I think I just need to have myself a good cry to get this out of my system. Maybe then I'll feel a little better.
I hate the world right now. Hate it so much.
Today was my favorite co-worker's last day (she found out two days ago). She was basically fired (well, forced to resign) because our manager is so unreasonable that in the end, when the time came to make cuts, she was on the chopping block. Despite having worked there for almost as long as I have, and having always, always given her best effort and hardest, most honest work, she was forced to resign (her only alternative was to go to an On-Call (and therefore with no guaranteed hours at any time) position at a fraction of the pay she was currently at. Not an acceptable option for someone who is the only steady income in her household, with a six year old boy in the house. She could barely make ends meet as it was, on the income she got.) It was quite a shock to me, partly because I didn't expect it to happen like that, and partly because I naively believed that honest hard work and loyalty would get us both through the crunch.
She was technically my immediate supervisor (though she WAS NOT a manager; she was hourly like the rest of us. She is also a very good friend of mine and someone I've always enjoyed working with and have looked up to) and she was fired for essentially not being "good enough" at her job (despite the fact that she did her honest best and tried her hardest, and the problems encountered along the way really weren't her fault). Because our manager has unreasonable and unrealistic expectations, she took the brunt and lost her job because of it.
Even worse, it looks from here like she won't even be replaced, which means that I will have to take on her responsibilites (and the "baggage" therein) without even being promoted. I was prepared to flat refuse if they offered me the promotion, but it looks like they simply won't replace her at all, so all her duties will fall to me.... and I won't get paid any extra for it, either, because I'm at the wage cap (wage cap is basically the maximum amount of money per hour an employee in my position can earn. If you're at your wage cap, raises don't exist.)
Those duties and all the bullshit therein will fall to me without me even getting the option to refuse.
And I guaratee you, if SHE wasn't "good enough" there's no way I will be either. Which means that I could be looking at getting fired, despite having been there nearly 15 years, because the manager is so unreasonable with her expectations.
So... today was a very hard day for me, it being her last day and all. Our old manager (who, coincidentally, was laid off about this time last year... funny how this company keeps pruning away at people who've been there a long time...) came out to meet us for lunch (though I didn't eat, as I didn't feel like eating... it's That Time Of Month and I've been feeling nauseous all day thanks to Aunt Flo punching me in the gut all morning) and goddammit... I just want to wake up and discover that it's 2007 again. Back when it was idyllic, when I looked forward to going in to work, instead of dreading it and fearing for my job. Job security doesn't fucking exist anymore, I swear.
I have to get out of that store. I just have to. Before it's too late. I don't know how, or what I'm going to do (I know what I WANT to do, but I don't know how to get there from here) but I have to get out of there. And when I leave that store, I am probably never going back again, not even to shop.
It just feels like everything around me is disintegrating; the world is changing in ways I can't bear. I don't know what to do anymore.
I think I just need to talk to my mom tomorrow and see if she knows what I can do to try and put my aspirations into motion. I just know that I can't stay at Macy's anymore, but I can't leave just yet. I can't just up and leave, no matter how bad it gets, because if I lose my job there and don't have something else lined up, I am literally screwed. I need the health insurance, specifically the prescription insurance. Without prescription insurance, I can't afford my prescriptions, and without those prescriptions, I can't function like a normal, productive, functional member of society.
So... yeah. Fuck you, Aunt Flo. Fuck you, Macy's. Fuck you, Manager From Hell.
Fuck you, world.
I think I just need to have myself a good cry to get this out of my system. Maybe then I'll feel a little better.