Jan 02, 2008 09:00
... so why do the old ones still come back to haunt me?
I had a dream last night about an old boyfriend... and really, not just ANY boyfriend but THE ONE. You know, at the time I thought that anyway. It was surreal... I won't go into details like I normally do only because I don't know how I feel about this dream. I suppose it's just that I want to deny that I really have any feelings still left over for this man... prove to myself that I really have moved on... and rationally, logically, and any other "ly", I HAVE. I don't yearn to be with him, I'm happy with the way my life has turned out so far and with who I've become. These changes I have gone through over the years would not have happened if I were still with him and still in love with him. So, what's the deal with my subconcious kicking me in the shins with my memories?!
Oh... did I mention he's a daddy too? Yup. I'm happy for him and jealous at the same time... I wish that I had someone that I could start a family with, someone that would smile at me as we cuddle our baby joy in our bed. But to dream...
So far, the new year has brought arguments, colds, and some small form of regret. Usually, I ring in the new year with excitement, hope, and fervor!! But something does not bode well for this year ahead.
I started off the new year with an argument with that obnoxious asshole father of mine. About what could we be arguing? My yet to happen wedding. That's right. We argued about my dreams for a wedding someday. Oh, but get this, we didn't argue about the fact that I WANT a wedding someday... no, we argued about the details and who I wanted to invite and what I dreamed about having at the reception... I mean, really? It's called a dream wedding for a reason... it's a DREAM!! This is the "in a perfect world" scenario. And can I remind everyone that I'm still hopelessly single, unattached, and without prospects? Yeah, he chose to argue with me about every little detail, right down to the dates I'd send a notice and the invitations.
Today, I'm off to Beijing. I haven't packed yet... but I have about 4 hours to do that and take a shower... plenty of time.
I am also sick... not sure with what but I've got some meds that may or may not work (as the doctor says). I have lost my voice... as a result of losing my voice and the dry throat it has brought, I have also procured a nasty cough that resides low in my chest/lungs. When I talk I sound like a 13 y.o. boy going through puberty... with smoker's cough. I'm also running a low grade fever and my migraine has decided to hang around for this month too (month 2 of said migraine)... which has been giving me dizzy spells and loss of appetite since being dizzy makes it hard to focus on my food.
Other than that, though, things are progressing rather normally... normal for my family, that is. I've avoided numerous more arguments with my father and appeased him at my health's expense, and finally in a fit of exhaustion I collapsed whereby he finally realizes that my requests to see a doctor are not unwarranted.
Alright... I'll update more when I'm in Beijing perhaps. Maybe the next update with be less cynical... then again, maybe not.
Happy 2008 to everyone anyway! Hope yours was miles better than mine! :D
sick,
dreams,
hong kong,
relationships,
weddings,
new year's