it's been a while

[bluesatinpixie]

i don't know if anyone even reads this anymore ... but whatever .... I quite my job 3 weeks ago, was suppossed to move to virginia ... that fell through, dan has a job here, i have no job, won't be going back to school until jan probably cuz of money situations ... i'm bored outta my mind sitting around the house all day ... but oddly I'm more content then i've ever been in my life ... me and dan are moving into our own apartment (mom's selling the house) ... and we haven't really fought since march (fingers crossed lol) .... and I had this epiphany last night ... i couldn't sleep so he went to bed at 11ish and i went to bed at 2 ... crawled into bed next to him, and he put his arm around me, the cats jumped on the bed and cuddled up next to us .... and it dawned on me ... this is my family for now lol .... and I had this exteme feeling of happiness ... I've never felt that before ... ok that's not true or fair to say ... I have felt that, but it was short-lived and fleeting and usually followed by that horrible tone and phrase of "can i roll over now? or are u going to get pissed" which surprisingly always spoiled the mood ... go figure .... but i've had this feeling for a year and 4 months today, and it hasn't faded .... and he GETS me .... like scarily well sometimes ... without going into too many details ... i wasn't that into it the other night, and appoligized the next day cuz i felt bad cuz i had instigated the whole thing lol ... he not only told me that there was no need to appoligize, but that he already knew that and that's why he wasn't either, cuz he knew i wasn't all there .... and that simply blew my mind ... not only that we're that comfortable with each other that we both can admit things like that .... but that he could just tell, when no one else EVER could do that .... i'm still getting used to him and the random really sweet things that just come out ... he's not poetic by any means, and NEVER says or does those traditional things ... and still he makes me melt ... even on his birthday ... i got him a card (cuz that's all i could afford) and one of the lines on it was that i "hope that I bring him joy and contentment" ... and he looked up at me and said "that's really weird cuz i was just telling the guy i work with that I am completely content in our relationship" ... and I melted ... stupid jerk ... stupid offhand coments he makes that make me melt ....

and that's enough to make you all gag :)

but beyond that if anyone reads this and knows places that are hiring it be much appreciated ... or even call me so i can be saved from boredom! lol