as young as i was, i felt older back then
Today i got up and went to church with mom. It was a good sermon. I also started on my next book, which is called 'Captivating.' Shortly after church, we went to dinner at Applebee's (my treat). It was so odd how just being at a restaurant made me think of dating, which made me think of my faux-friend-date with Kevin at Pazzo's and it was just... it was sad. I mean, that wasn't even a date, but at some moments i felt like it was, and it was such a good feeling. It was like i got a small taste of what i've wanted all along. That's what most of my experiences are like. I have only a modicum of bitterness about this (even though it should be none), but mostly i just can't shake that sad feeling that something isn't right; i guess it's the same thing as missing him. But i shouldn't miss him! Goodness knows he's not thinking about natalie glover. I even tried to think back to a year ago today, when i was in China. I can't even recall what specifically would've been bothering me then (although i can come up with a pretty nice conjecture), but now i realize that a year later everything is ok. So i tried to use that logic and remind myself that in a year, it's likely that nothing involving Kevin will be bothering me, but then i realized that by then i'll probably have some other problem to deal with!!!! I just want that sadness to be completely gone. I mean, i'm not a sad person, but you know? Just that nagging feeling.
But anyway, i struggled for conversation with my mom. I wasn't upset with her today or anything, we just aren't used to talking to each other. I'm pretty good at conversing, too, so i really knew our relationship was poor. But we did manage to talk about school and GSP and things like that. Alot of the times, though, she was looking past me; people-watching. I commented on this and she said that the people at the next table were at our church. Do you know how many people go to our church?
It was nice, though, i suppose. I came back, talked to my grandparents on the phone, and took this GLORIOUS nap. It was even better than most of my naps because i put an extra cover on my bed; it's crocheted and really heavy and ohhhhh i love sleep. I think i may be developing an obsession with it. But this is ok.
So one way this Kevin thing IS helping me is that it's motivating me to draw. He told me i should cultivate my talent for it and i know i need to... i just haven't felt like it. However, i don't want to be lying in about...let's see...19 days when i let myself drop him a line and tell him that i have been doing just that, so now i'm doing this thing where each day i take a pic of one of my friends (from facebook) and draw it. I did sophia today and it came out really well. I hope to have an entire collection by the summer's end.
But anyway, i struggled for conversation with my mom. I wasn't upset with her today or anything, we just aren't used to talking to each other. I'm pretty good at conversing, too, so i really knew our relationship was poor. But we did manage to talk about school and GSP and things like that. Alot of the times, though, she was looking past me; people-watching. I commented on this and she said that the people at the next table were at our church. Do you know how many people go to our church?
It was nice, though, i suppose. I came back, talked to my grandparents on the phone, and took this GLORIOUS nap. It was even better than most of my naps because i put an extra cover on my bed; it's crocheted and really heavy and ohhhhh i love sleep. I think i may be developing an obsession with it. But this is ok.
So one way this Kevin thing IS helping me is that it's motivating me to draw. He told me i should cultivate my talent for it and i know i need to... i just haven't felt like it. However, i don't want to be lying in about...let's see...19 days when i let myself drop him a line and tell him that i have been doing just that, so now i'm doing this thing where each day i take a pic of one of my friends (from facebook) and draw it. I did sophia today and it came out really well. I hope to have an entire collection by the summer's end.