Irish I were drunk
**So, as June comes I am becoming more and more nervous. My lease here at my apartment in the city ends and I will be moving out, hopefully back to my home realm in Greece. Things will be changing, though. I will not be moving in anywhere with Allison, yet I will not be moving back home with my parents. I will (with any luck) be moving into an apartment with my mom and my little brother Ayrton. She is finally working actively towards leaving my dad. Here's the thing - she's made plans before to leave him but every time she does she turns the other cheek and stays right where she is. I'm afraid that I will settle for a place and get everything set up, and at the last moment she will turn again and I will be stranded alone and homeless. It scares the shit out of me, quite frankly.
**I feel a little better about the possibility of being fucked over by my own mother because both my friend Jeff and my 2nd mom told me that they have a spare room for me in case this happens. I think I would move into the extra room with my 2nd mom in case my mom isn't immediately ready come June. Because at that point I wouldn't be bound by a lease or anything. I'm just scared and worried. I'm finally close to losing my home, my childhood home. My cherry tree, my street and all of my memories. It might be for the best, though. I've had this unnatural amount of anger and aggression going through me and I'm honestly getting a little worried for myself. I quit smoking this week so it's making everything that much worse. Earlier tonight I was at my parent's house watching tv and I felt so compelled to just reach over and punch my dad in the face and then hit a wall. Perhaps a window and shatter it, idk.
**I think I'm also angry that my older brother is still dating this whore of a stripper and she's a fucking succubus bitch that screams commands at him and uses him for everything he's worth. He found out she was fucking some other guy so they broke up for like, 2 weeks and then got back together. She's NOT welcome in my family and I pray every day that he will realize what a piece of shit she is and just get rid of her.
**I've been seeing someone for a week or 2 now, and I'm starting to think it may not work out between us. I'm not sure if it's because I'm still afraid of relationships, if it's because I want to get the fuck out of Rochester and I'd rather not be in a relationship when I go, or if it's because he told me the other night that he has HPV. It sucks that I judge him for this condition but....that's some scary shit to me. I don't want that. I'm a person that requires a lot of sex, a lot of GOOD sex and I just feel like I'm not even a little bit turned on by this guy anymore because of this. But he really is a nice guy. He seems to have a good head on his shoulders, he actually WANTS me around and I feel comfortable being myself around him. I don't have to try to talk about things that I know nothing about because he refuses to get to know anything about my interests. So it sucks. He wants to take things slow with me and I like that because I AM such a commitment-phobic person. But....how do I accept a person and their disease when I really just met him only a few weeks ago?
**In other news, my puppy is doing well. I can't remember if I've blogged at all about her.... but her name is Celes (named after the character in FF3) and she's a purebred black lab. I got her when she was 6 weeks old and she just turned 15 weeks old yesterday. She's getting bigger and bigger everyday. She's a little monster sometimes though. But she's a puppy lol so that's to be expected. I think puppies are great at training humans on how to raise children someday. I have to learn what Celes needs by her movements and not her words. I have to train her how to go to the bathroom in the approved places and I'm responsible for feeding her right without under or over doing it. I have to take her out to play and teach her how to interact with others. It's a lot at once, and I'm basically a single parent in this. She's in her crate right now passed out.... she looks so cute and innocent when she sleeps. Normally she sleeps in my bed with me but the vet found round worms in her back on Thursday and I gave her the de-worming pill tonight. So I'm still waiting on her to even take one single poop and I'd rather not wake up tomorrow morning to poop and worms on my floor. I want Monday to be a GOOD day. I just feel bad that she has to be so cooped up all night. She spends enough time in that awful thing everyday while I'm at work. She's getting used to it so that's nice.
**I really need to go to bed now. I've been so mentally drained all day that I slept until 2 p.m. today which is an absolute rarity for me. On Sundays I'm usually up by 11 at the VERY latest. But I've been awake for 8 hours now and I'm really quite over it. I guess I'll end tonight's bitch session with... I'm really glad to have a 2nd mother. Actually, I'm incredibly thankful to have her in my life. She's very helpful when I have a crisis and since she went through a divorce she knows exactly what we're all going through and is able to give me tips on what my mom should do and how the whole process works. I think it really put me at a good deal of ease. Seems rather simple, hopefully my dad won't try to fight all this. He should know by now that fighting won't resolve anything and that there is nothing he can do to salvage his marriage at this point. 22 years later the damage he has caused to my mom and his children is insurmountable. My older brother has fallen into his foot steps and will lead a life as miserable and monetarily irresponsible, I have become a die hard man hater and I can't trust anyone out of absolute fear that I will fall into my mother's footsteps and my little brother may have a chance at escaping but I can he's self conscious about a lot of things.
Ok, I'm done now. I have a headache.
<^>Stephanie<^>
**I feel a little better about the possibility of being fucked over by my own mother because both my friend Jeff and my 2nd mom told me that they have a spare room for me in case this happens. I think I would move into the extra room with my 2nd mom in case my mom isn't immediately ready come June. Because at that point I wouldn't be bound by a lease or anything. I'm just scared and worried. I'm finally close to losing my home, my childhood home. My cherry tree, my street and all of my memories. It might be for the best, though. I've had this unnatural amount of anger and aggression going through me and I'm honestly getting a little worried for myself. I quit smoking this week so it's making everything that much worse. Earlier tonight I was at my parent's house watching tv and I felt so compelled to just reach over and punch my dad in the face and then hit a wall. Perhaps a window and shatter it, idk.
**I think I'm also angry that my older brother is still dating this whore of a stripper and she's a fucking succubus bitch that screams commands at him and uses him for everything he's worth. He found out she was fucking some other guy so they broke up for like, 2 weeks and then got back together. She's NOT welcome in my family and I pray every day that he will realize what a piece of shit she is and just get rid of her.
**I've been seeing someone for a week or 2 now, and I'm starting to think it may not work out between us. I'm not sure if it's because I'm still afraid of relationships, if it's because I want to get the fuck out of Rochester and I'd rather not be in a relationship when I go, or if it's because he told me the other night that he has HPV. It sucks that I judge him for this condition but....that's some scary shit to me. I don't want that. I'm a person that requires a lot of sex, a lot of GOOD sex and I just feel like I'm not even a little bit turned on by this guy anymore because of this. But he really is a nice guy. He seems to have a good head on his shoulders, he actually WANTS me around and I feel comfortable being myself around him. I don't have to try to talk about things that I know nothing about because he refuses to get to know anything about my interests. So it sucks. He wants to take things slow with me and I like that because I AM such a commitment-phobic person. But....how do I accept a person and their disease when I really just met him only a few weeks ago?
**In other news, my puppy is doing well. I can't remember if I've blogged at all about her.... but her name is Celes (named after the character in FF3) and she's a purebred black lab. I got her when she was 6 weeks old and she just turned 15 weeks old yesterday. She's getting bigger and bigger everyday. She's a little monster sometimes though. But she's a puppy lol so that's to be expected. I think puppies are great at training humans on how to raise children someday. I have to learn what Celes needs by her movements and not her words. I have to train her how to go to the bathroom in the approved places and I'm responsible for feeding her right without under or over doing it. I have to take her out to play and teach her how to interact with others. It's a lot at once, and I'm basically a single parent in this. She's in her crate right now passed out.... she looks so cute and innocent when she sleeps. Normally she sleeps in my bed with me but the vet found round worms in her back on Thursday and I gave her the de-worming pill tonight. So I'm still waiting on her to even take one single poop and I'd rather not wake up tomorrow morning to poop and worms on my floor. I want Monday to be a GOOD day. I just feel bad that she has to be so cooped up all night. She spends enough time in that awful thing everyday while I'm at work. She's getting used to it so that's nice.
**I really need to go to bed now. I've been so mentally drained all day that I slept until 2 p.m. today which is an absolute rarity for me. On Sundays I'm usually up by 11 at the VERY latest. But I've been awake for 8 hours now and I'm really quite over it. I guess I'll end tonight's bitch session with... I'm really glad to have a 2nd mother. Actually, I'm incredibly thankful to have her in my life. She's very helpful when I have a crisis and since she went through a divorce she knows exactly what we're all going through and is able to give me tips on what my mom should do and how the whole process works. I think it really put me at a good deal of ease. Seems rather simple, hopefully my dad won't try to fight all this. He should know by now that fighting won't resolve anything and that there is nothing he can do to salvage his marriage at this point. 22 years later the damage he has caused to my mom and his children is insurmountable. My older brother has fallen into his foot steps and will lead a life as miserable and monetarily irresponsible, I have become a die hard man hater and I can't trust anyone out of absolute fear that I will fall into my mother's footsteps and my little brother may have a chance at escaping but I can he's self conscious about a lot of things.
Ok, I'm done now. I have a headache.
<^>Stephanie<^>