I now believe in God
**not in the sense of savior, though. More in the sense of.... to be this miserable and have this much bad luck must be caused by something out there that hates me with a passion. I used to believe in my grandma being an Angel. When I needed help I would make a silent prayer to her to get me through whatever it was. By now, I can honestly say that the only thing watching over me is a spiteful bastard that derives pleasure out of my suffering. I'm so sick of my heart being broken by boys that I don't think I can even figure out how to love again. I'm so tired of not having money. I want to go back to school, I want to do well in my life, I want to do good things for good people...so why am I the one being punished? I don't steal or cheat, I try not to lie. I don't use harsh, addictive drugs. I don't carry a gun with me, I've never stabbed anyone. I've never hurt a child or an elder. I don't go around spreading awful rumors about people. I don't hack into computers or wire people's money to myself. I'm responsible with my diseases and germs.
So why must this be the worst Christmas ever?
**I found out that my recent ex-boyfriend Patrick was cheating on me and living with his baby mama for a while, and that was after I did so many things to save his ass time and time again. My mom is planning on leaving my dad after the holidays and although while I do support her, I'm still scared as to what is going to come of it. My best friend Nick is in jail so I can't even call him to cry. My cat Sprite was put to sleep, she was given to me for my 9th birthday. And then there's Clyde....
**He's been sick the past week or so but he started looking better so I figured it was just a doggy cold and that he got over it. But then it took a turn for the worst and he was shivering all the time, and stopped eating altogether. I took him to the vet last night and sure enough he was running a high fever and when they opened his mouth they saw one of the worst oral infections I've EVER seen in my life. It was so disgusting. There was puss and blood and a root showing, just awful. Then the vet did an abdomen check and Clyde started yelping every time the vet touched a certain part of his stomach. So he gave me some pills for Clyde and set me up to bring Clyde back in this morning for an x-ray. I had to be there between 7 and 8 which sucked, but I got back to the vet office and dropped him off and went to work. They called me this afternoon and gave me the results. His fever of 104.5 from last night had dropped and he managed to kick it which was amazing news. BUT his blood showed signs of infection and they found two masses near his liver and stomach. Where the fuck did these come from??? I went back there after work today and the woman showed me the x-ray and pointed out where she believe the masses to be and pointed out how he had an enlarged liver and possibly an enlarged spleen. I have a few options at this point - don't worry about it or get an ultrasound done. Well, considering the fact that Clyde is really all I have left in this God forsaken world, I'm calling tomorrow to get him in for the ultrasound. The vet explained to me that if it is cancer on his stomach or liver then they can do surgery once to remove it but never again after that and there's a high chance it will come back. If it's on his spleen then his entire spleen can be taken out and no worries ever again.
**I just want to know why everything good has been stripped away from me this year. What hates me so bad that I need to go through this? Clyde is the last bit of good left in my world and something is trying to take him away from me. I don't know how fast the onset of cancer would be to the point where I'd have to put him under, but I don't want to reach that point, ever. I don't know what I'll do with myself if I lose him. I'm as good as dead, too.
<^>Stephanie<^>
So why must this be the worst Christmas ever?
**I found out that my recent ex-boyfriend Patrick was cheating on me and living with his baby mama for a while, and that was after I did so many things to save his ass time and time again. My mom is planning on leaving my dad after the holidays and although while I do support her, I'm still scared as to what is going to come of it. My best friend Nick is in jail so I can't even call him to cry. My cat Sprite was put to sleep, she was given to me for my 9th birthday. And then there's Clyde....
**He's been sick the past week or so but he started looking better so I figured it was just a doggy cold and that he got over it. But then it took a turn for the worst and he was shivering all the time, and stopped eating altogether. I took him to the vet last night and sure enough he was running a high fever and when they opened his mouth they saw one of the worst oral infections I've EVER seen in my life. It was so disgusting. There was puss and blood and a root showing, just awful. Then the vet did an abdomen check and Clyde started yelping every time the vet touched a certain part of his stomach. So he gave me some pills for Clyde and set me up to bring Clyde back in this morning for an x-ray. I had to be there between 7 and 8 which sucked, but I got back to the vet office and dropped him off and went to work. They called me this afternoon and gave me the results. His fever of 104.5 from last night had dropped and he managed to kick it which was amazing news. BUT his blood showed signs of infection and they found two masses near his liver and stomach. Where the fuck did these come from??? I went back there after work today and the woman showed me the x-ray and pointed out where she believe the masses to be and pointed out how he had an enlarged liver and possibly an enlarged spleen. I have a few options at this point - don't worry about it or get an ultrasound done. Well, considering the fact that Clyde is really all I have left in this God forsaken world, I'm calling tomorrow to get him in for the ultrasound. The vet explained to me that if it is cancer on his stomach or liver then they can do surgery once to remove it but never again after that and there's a high chance it will come back. If it's on his spleen then his entire spleen can be taken out and no worries ever again.
**I just want to know why everything good has been stripped away from me this year. What hates me so bad that I need to go through this? Clyde is the last bit of good left in my world and something is trying to take him away from me. I don't know how fast the onset of cancer would be to the point where I'd have to put him under, but I don't want to reach that point, ever. I don't know what I'll do with myself if I lose him. I'm as good as dead, too.
<^>Stephanie<^>