DUI: Dialing Under The Influence
So yeah last night was not a good one. I got so drunk I drank a whole bottle of wine and a lot of rum straight up. I was just really sad last night, the other day I realized I had daddy issues the fact that he left me as an infant and never gave any regaurd to the life he created. There was always someone filling in his shoes be it my mom, grandmother, grandfather, my moms ex Ramone and recently Santos my step dad. I really don't know what I would do without Santos, I love him so much and I know he didn't have to take me in and do all the things with me that a dad should do. I appreciate him for that. He taught me how to drive, he would give me boy advice, go on dates with me everything. I just called him right now to tell him all this, of course I'm crying. I just had to tell him all of this if I'm willing to write it down. Anyways so I was drinking alone one thing you are not supposed to do. But, I know why I have fucked up relationships and sleep with men when I first meet them because of my biological father leaving me. I never had when I was younger a dad to play with me, a recipiant for fathers day or a man I could look up to. I know this has had some effect on me as I grew up. I just want all those unanswered questions answered, Why did you leave? Why did you not try and contact me? Was I not good enough? Did you ever think of me on my birthday? I actually googled him last night and I have his number I'm contemplating to call him after 23 years of him never hearing my voice. I just called it was an answering machine I never felt so nervous I really didn't know if I was going to say anything at all, I didn't I just called and hung up. Anyways Casey came and picked me up last night she is such a great friend and took me driving I guess I called Mike and Aron that is how drunk I was. I texted Aron this morning to apologize for calling him I know he won't respond at least I said my peace. So I'm really hung over I threw up and know I'm going to shower so I can get ready for school, peace out.