(no subject)
So tonight, my friends had an intervention for our (my and Dan's) relationship because they felt as though we weren't intimate enough in public. Whatever. I mean, I tried to reationalize with them which lead into them holding me down (Chris, Sean Sanborn, and Dan) and trying to force me to kiss Dan. It looked more like a gang rape session, but I'm rough and I could handle them. Needless to say, I won the battle. It was weird though. Like it scared me because I've always kind of been moderately disgusted by people kissing in public because it makes me feel uncomfortable, I view it as unnecessary, like the couple isn't sure of the strength of their relationship and they need to show the world that they're together, and my friends viewed us not kissing in public as uncomfortable. They just kept saying "Just kiss Dan, let us see you and Dan kiss." I'm thinking "Umm do you get some strange enjoyment out of this or what?" This notion totally blew my mind. I guess maybe I'm just not that kind of a person, but it made me wonder if maybe I was the dysfunctional one and I needed to reassess my actions in public. I have a scrupulous conscience sometimes, and I think I get that from my mom, because I'm usually ashamed of my behavior, I'm afraid it's not something she'd approve of. Maybe I'm wrong and it's perfectly normal and natural to make out in public. Maybe I've been walking around with my nose bent out of shape for no reason. I think another part of it comes from my friends' reactions if I ever DO try to show Dan affection. I always get responses like people shoving their fingers down their throats and wretching in disgust. But I wonder if it hurts Dan that I don't show him affection in public. Maybe others need to think about what hurts me, like when I say something and my wingman doesn't back me up. It makes me look like a flaming asshole or some oozy over-affectionate girl all talking about engagement and such. Maybe I should just realize that maybe it's not going to happen anytime soon and accept it. It's so hard being me, and I wonder if other people have these world wars going on in their brains or if it's just me being the odd person that I am. At any rate, I almost starting crying when I was talking to Dan in the car tonight because I don't think he realizes how much the things he does hurt me sometimes, and I don't think he realizes how much I do want to have romance in our relationship. We can't act like an old married couple forever, I mean as Chris put it, "You can't get pregnant if you don't even kiss him" (referring to when we're married, of course). I don't know, I just feel so out of place sometimes. I wish I knew what others thought and if they shared my views on things...