Yay Computer
My computer is fixed. I'll be regularly checking my FL and entering challenges again, w00t. I'm now the banner maker for hp_stillness isn't that exciting? Well it is to me. Um I've gotten some new movies so maybe I'll icon them at some point. I now have added to my collection Mean Girls, The Terminal, Dukes of Hazzard, Constantine, A Cinderella Story, and Alexander. How great.
I don't know, I've been very emo of late. I don't want to be here. I really miss home, and Jaime, and Janet and my family. I just go through the motions here. I don't want to smile and go out and pretend to have a good time. I just want to stay in my room and lay in bed all day. I want to be a ghost here. I know I shouldn't be like this, I should do all I can to enjoy myself because I know I have to be here. But there's something about misery that makes me feel better. As if by enjoying Oakland I'm betraying everything and everyone in San Diego. I know that's stupid but sometimes I feel like that. No wonder I'm miserable, with thinking like that.
Plus there's weird shit going on here. Stuff that I don't want to write about. I don't even want to think about it. I just kind of want to ignore it and pray that it will go away. Which is also fucking stupid. It's like I can't help poking sticks into ant holes just to see what happens. I should really be punished for all the shit I've done, the people I've hurt and manipulated. Sometimes I'm not a good person. And in other ways I am. Maybe I'm trying to make up for something by being so agreeable and generous. Who knows.
I don't know, I've been very emo of late. I don't want to be here. I really miss home, and Jaime, and Janet and my family. I just go through the motions here. I don't want to smile and go out and pretend to have a good time. I just want to stay in my room and lay in bed all day. I want to be a ghost here. I know I shouldn't be like this, I should do all I can to enjoy myself because I know I have to be here. But there's something about misery that makes me feel better. As if by enjoying Oakland I'm betraying everything and everyone in San Diego. I know that's stupid but sometimes I feel like that. No wonder I'm miserable, with thinking like that.
Plus there's weird shit going on here. Stuff that I don't want to write about. I don't even want to think about it. I just kind of want to ignore it and pray that it will go away. Which is also fucking stupid. It's like I can't help poking sticks into ant holes just to see what happens. I should really be punished for all the shit I've done, the people I've hurt and manipulated. Sometimes I'm not a good person. And in other ways I am. Maybe I'm trying to make up for something by being so agreeable and generous. Who knows.