WDIDT?
2/19/11:
- Squatted while brushing my teeth...have decided to do this from now on.
- Ate salad I packed from home for lunch instead of greasy take out.
2/20/11:
Practice Day.
...
Not gonna lie, y'all. Majorly disappointing practice today. I was so excited to be included more in the JDB practices, and I was really busting my hump - it was difficult for me, absolutely, but difficult is what I need to improve. I stuck with the first pace line for the whole first skill exercise (backwards weaving through the line) but then they started pulling people to go be Freshies and skate in the corner.
And I really. REALLY. Didn't want to do that. So I worked really hard and pushed it out - but even though I was keeping up with the line (and I'm not gonna lie, I was sweating and huffing and puffing and grunting, but I was doin' it) guess who got sent to the corner?
Yeah. Me.
Sooooo I got some kickass T-stops in today.
:HEADDESK:
:HEADDESK:
:VIOLENT HEADDESK:
I know. I know. Skills are important. Everyone should be doing skills. Great.
I'm just not going to get any Stronger, any Faster, or build any more Endurance, skating no miles an hour in the corner. We're trying to practice leaning, working our way up to hits (aghhhh I was HITTING LAST SEASON) and I'm just knocking these ladies over. I'm not knocking them - because their relationship to me is exactly my relationship to the rostered girls. I guess that's the reason they pulled me out, because I'm cramping their style and slowing them down...but the problem is, nobody's getting pushed to their potential that way. It's rough for an intermediate skater, man. It's like option, "I'm basically ready to bout" or "I just let go of the wall."
Most of all, I just hate, hate, hated myself. And I hated even more watching my derby wife skate away without me to keep working on the line. I love that she's having success with it, all I ever want is for my friends and loved ones to succeed. But lately with Dames being so busy with the store, I feel like no one can succeed without leaving me in the dust. :,( I just wanna succeed together.
Anyway. Worked on T-stops, leaning, a little bit on hip checks. Did some crossover steps. But that was the end of the sweat for practice.
So when I got home, I changed shoes, hitched up Bodhi, and took him for a jog. Went down to the end of the park and back, then walked the opposite direction down the hill to the street, then ran back up the hill and home (with periodic breaks for peepee. Him, not me.)
Because fuck it.
Because fuck it hard, right in the ear.
Because I don't know what else to do with this pain but throw myself at it again and again and again. And if I'm going to fail spectacularly at this, I'm going to be sweating, screaming, swinging, and fighting.
...
:,(
Rough night. Rough night for a derbygirl. Sometimes I feel like a poser calling myself that, even though I've been doing this for over a year now. Although I guess that's dumb. People who play softball don't wait until they pass some stupid test to call themselves a softball player. I don't know. I'm just really fucking tired of being Evan, and I'm pretty damn ready to be Bruise Wayne, for GOOD.
- Squatted while brushing my teeth...have decided to do this from now on.
- Ate salad I packed from home for lunch instead of greasy take out.
2/20/11:
Practice Day.
...
Not gonna lie, y'all. Majorly disappointing practice today. I was so excited to be included more in the JDB practices, and I was really busting my hump - it was difficult for me, absolutely, but difficult is what I need to improve. I stuck with the first pace line for the whole first skill exercise (backwards weaving through the line) but then they started pulling people to go be Freshies and skate in the corner.
And I really. REALLY. Didn't want to do that. So I worked really hard and pushed it out - but even though I was keeping up with the line (and I'm not gonna lie, I was sweating and huffing and puffing and grunting, but I was doin' it) guess who got sent to the corner?
Yeah. Me.
Sooooo I got some kickass T-stops in today.
:HEADDESK:
:HEADDESK:
:VIOLENT HEADDESK:
I know. I know. Skills are important. Everyone should be doing skills. Great.
I'm just not going to get any Stronger, any Faster, or build any more Endurance, skating no miles an hour in the corner. We're trying to practice leaning, working our way up to hits (aghhhh I was HITTING LAST SEASON) and I'm just knocking these ladies over. I'm not knocking them - because their relationship to me is exactly my relationship to the rostered girls. I guess that's the reason they pulled me out, because I'm cramping their style and slowing them down...but the problem is, nobody's getting pushed to their potential that way. It's rough for an intermediate skater, man. It's like option, "I'm basically ready to bout" or "I just let go of the wall."
Most of all, I just hate, hate, hated myself. And I hated even more watching my derby wife skate away without me to keep working on the line. I love that she's having success with it, all I ever want is for my friends and loved ones to succeed. But lately with Dames being so busy with the store, I feel like no one can succeed without leaving me in the dust. :,( I just wanna succeed together.
Anyway. Worked on T-stops, leaning, a little bit on hip checks. Did some crossover steps. But that was the end of the sweat for practice.
So when I got home, I changed shoes, hitched up Bodhi, and took him for a jog. Went down to the end of the park and back, then walked the opposite direction down the hill to the street, then ran back up the hill and home (with periodic breaks for peepee. Him, not me.)
Because fuck it.
Because fuck it hard, right in the ear.
Because I don't know what else to do with this pain but throw myself at it again and again and again. And if I'm going to fail spectacularly at this, I'm going to be sweating, screaming, swinging, and fighting.
...
:,(
Rough night. Rough night for a derbygirl. Sometimes I feel like a poser calling myself that, even though I've been doing this for over a year now. Although I guess that's dumb. People who play softball don't wait until they pass some stupid test to call themselves a softball player. I don't know. I'm just really fucking tired of being Evan, and I'm pretty damn ready to be Bruise Wayne, for GOOD.