school blues and crafting
So with today being the first day of the new semester, I have been forced to realize that I need to get my shit together. I have been...mediocre at best so far in my collegiate career, and if I have any hope at getting into a halfway decent grad school, I cannot have another semester like last. It was really terrible; I wish it wasn't on my transcripts. I'm really upset about it because I mean, a C or two in the first semester of college is...understandable, you're still adjusting. Four years in? I should have done better. I could make all the excuses I want about how difficult the class was (it was Linguistics so actually, it was quite a bitch) or how I had personal stuff going on, again, not so much an excuse as an explanation, but...it's there, and there's nothing I can do to change it. And I'm sitting here looking at it, wishing it could somehow be like police records and I could have the grade expunged. I screwed up. If there's any silver lining, I am incredibly optimistic about this current semester. I honestly don't doubt that I could get a 4.0 this semester as long as I work hard.
I'm just...a year away from graduating and I'm suddenly beginning to realize the, well, reality of it. The real world is knocking at my door. What am I going to do if I can't get into grad school? That's it. If no one accepts my grades, it's not like they're going to change. It's not like I can get a job for a few years and then reapply. The transcripts will look exactly the same. And all I can hope is that I make these last three semesters really count for something. Really turn it around. I dunno, I'm just scared is all. I don't want to fail, and it's one of those things that's always there, just out of sight, nagging you.
I suppose I'm not the only person to ever go through this. And I guess a part of me knows that no matter what happens, I'll be okay. I'm trying to think positively, and just focus on the present, but...I'm just really mad at myself for last semester.
Anyway, I seem to be off to a poor start with my new LJ. The new semester, I'm sure, won't help things. But if I'm lucky, work will stay at a minimum, and I can focus on school and still have time to update.
I've been crochet crazy lately. I made my mom & her boyfriend scarves for Christmas, which made me pretty proud of myself. I made myself a cool beret/tam style hat, which I wear all the time. I made a simple little iPod pouch, so it stops getting scratched up in my purse, and right now I'm working on scarves for my step-sisters. I'll have to take pictures sometime of the iPod cozy, hat and scarves when I'm done and post them. After the scarves, which I'm hoping will be done before February, I'm hoping to make a beanie and a coffee sleeve. I actually saved my coffee sleeve today so that I have a general idea for size when I start it.