just another poem....
What the Mirror Saw
I have an ongoing dream
and in it I am always beautiful
I can fit in all the pretty dresses
bring tears to all the eyes who bear witness
and smiles to the lips of all in my presence
angels of starvation guide me on this path
pretending not to notice the damage
I am doing to myself
my skin clings desperately to my bones
like a child, deathly afraid of being left alone
I barely feel the ground beneath my feet
I don't even want to remember the need to eat
and somehow I tell myself it doesn't matter
why should it matter
feels like I am dying in here anyway
enjoy the dance
the angels whisper
running their fingers in my hair
spinning me around in circles
until I have no energy left for despair
they say I am getting closer to the stars
with every passing day
they place me in front of their mirror god
and make me worship him
I shiver when there is no wind
I have to work at keeping myself from falling apart
there are worlds weeping inside my head
and their songs echo like my failing heart
distant thunder
dancing feet
I am swept under the rug
that was supposed to support me
I am thinner than paint stretched across a bare bone canvas
I am brittle like a flower whose beauty has died
I am growing smaller and fading into the blue
fading blue sadness of my eyes
I tell myself when I'm down on my knees
unable to keep this inside of me
that any pain is worth keeping this dream
anything is made endurable when the angels sing
because surely everyone else knows what is best for me
a sigh expels the dust from my lips
and the sorrow from my soul
in this world of the tired and pathetic
beauty is religion
and the mirror gods are worshipped from within
temples of bone and flesh