Ignore your teeth, and they'll go away.
Imagine: You make people bleed for a living, and you probably won't be incarcerated for it. Everyone who sees you leaves in pain. None of your victims, I mean clients, can respond, so you can ramble on for hours about your inane personal problems. You can shoot these victims with tranquilizers and watch with morbid curiosity as their faces distort. You make six figures if you're decent, and you only have to work 9-5. Sound good?
I've decided that dentistry attracts the twisted and power-hungry of society, and one of my best friends is going to be one. Yikes! As you probably guessed, I went to the dentist today (for something minor). Apparently, being a few weeks into law school makes you capable of giving advice on any legal matter. Instead of your standard "getting-to-know-you" chitchat, the first thing she asked (as she stuffed my mouth with gauze) was how she should handle a family real estate dispute. When I tried to explain that I was still a beginner, she told me to keep my mouth open and remain still, effectively making me a mute.
I also love how flossing is the solution to any dental problem. "Oh you want whiter teeth? Well, have you been flossing??" And there's really no way to lie about how often you floss, either. Trust me, I tried that (naively thinking that I could avoid a lecture), but then she whipped out the floss and tested a back molar. Like anyone can reach those anyway. To punish me for lying/not flossing, she was unnecessarily rough on my poor teeth; I had a mouth full of blood by the time she finished. After the torture, she remarked, "Ooooh, your gums look red and irritated." Well, yeah, that happens when you make them angry. So I advocate publicly shunning dentists, except for my friend, who will undoubtedly be as vile as the rest, but at least she'll be cheery while she's hurting you.
I've decided that dentistry attracts the twisted and power-hungry of society, and one of my best friends is going to be one. Yikes! As you probably guessed, I went to the dentist today (for something minor). Apparently, being a few weeks into law school makes you capable of giving advice on any legal matter. Instead of your standard "getting-to-know-you" chitchat, the first thing she asked (as she stuffed my mouth with gauze) was how she should handle a family real estate dispute. When I tried to explain that I was still a beginner, she told me to keep my mouth open and remain still, effectively making me a mute.
I also love how flossing is the solution to any dental problem. "Oh you want whiter teeth? Well, have you been flossing??" And there's really no way to lie about how often you floss, either. Trust me, I tried that (naively thinking that I could avoid a lecture), but then she whipped out the floss and tested a back molar. Like anyone can reach those anyway. To punish me for lying/not flossing, she was unnecessarily rough on my poor teeth; I had a mouth full of blood by the time she finished. After the torture, she remarked, "Ooooh, your gums look red and irritated." Well, yeah, that happens when you make them angry. So I advocate publicly shunning dentists, except for my friend, who will undoubtedly be as vile as the rest, but at least she'll be cheery while she's hurting you.