The Fates have aligned against me. Again.
So my dad took my car in to the dealership to have her oil changed and her tires rotated. When they took her tires off they found that the brakes and rotors were almost completely shot. I only have 10% in the back brakes and the front brakes are almost completely rusted. It'll cost about $500 to fix.
I'm supposed to leave tomorrow morning.
Try to rent a car. Can't. Because I don't have $300 open on a charge card for a deposit. Neither do my parents. Call grandpa. Which makes me feel even worse because he already sent me money to go on vacation in the first place. He calls the rental car company (Enterprise) but can't rent for me because they need to actually swipe the card.
I can't even afford to rent a fucking car. I don't know what I'm going to do. I want to go, but I can't. I don't have a car. And I can't get one. Mom says she'll let me borrow her new convertible, but I can't leave the state. What's the fucking point, then? Really? I feel like a failure because not only can I not afford to pay for my own vacation and had to borrow money (though grandpa says it's a gift, but that still doesn't make me feel any better for needing to ask him for it) I can't even afford to rent a fucking car. And I can't afford to get my car fixed either. I don't have $500 just laying around. I can barely pay my bills some months. I live paycheck to paycheck.
I can't stand this. I feel like such a failure because I can't even afford to get out of fucking town. I don't know what I'm going to do. I might as well stay home and use grandpa's money to get my stupid car fixed instead, because obviously this vacation was doomed from the start. What with the screwy plane schedules and the non-direct flights and the bad weather and the not being able to get a round-fucking-trip ticket to California for under $400. For some reason I'm just not meant to go on vacation right now.
Fine. Fuck it. Whatever.
I don't know what to do. And I can't stop crying because I'm so fucking upset over this. I so desperately wanted to go on vacation. I desperately wanted to get out of town and get on the road. I just want to get out of here.
And even if I get the car fixed, and it only takes a day, I couldn't afford to go anywhere anyway. I don't have that kind of money. And then it all comes back around to me feeling like a failure because I can't fucking afford anything!
I don't know what I'm going to do. I'm just... I'm at a loss. My brain keeps looping around in circles, and I can't find any solutions and I just end up wallowing...
I don't know. I just don't know.
I'm supposed to leave tomorrow morning.
Try to rent a car. Can't. Because I don't have $300 open on a charge card for a deposit. Neither do my parents. Call grandpa. Which makes me feel even worse because he already sent me money to go on vacation in the first place. He calls the rental car company (Enterprise) but can't rent for me because they need to actually swipe the card.
I can't even afford to rent a fucking car. I don't know what I'm going to do. I want to go, but I can't. I don't have a car. And I can't get one. Mom says she'll let me borrow her new convertible, but I can't leave the state. What's the fucking point, then? Really? I feel like a failure because not only can I not afford to pay for my own vacation and had to borrow money (though grandpa says it's a gift, but that still doesn't make me feel any better for needing to ask him for it) I can't even afford to rent a fucking car. And I can't afford to get my car fixed either. I don't have $500 just laying around. I can barely pay my bills some months. I live paycheck to paycheck.
I can't stand this. I feel like such a failure because I can't even afford to get out of fucking town. I don't know what I'm going to do. I might as well stay home and use grandpa's money to get my stupid car fixed instead, because obviously this vacation was doomed from the start. What with the screwy plane schedules and the non-direct flights and the bad weather and the not being able to get a round-fucking-trip ticket to California for under $400. For some reason I'm just not meant to go on vacation right now.
Fine. Fuck it. Whatever.
I don't know what to do. And I can't stop crying because I'm so fucking upset over this. I so desperately wanted to go on vacation. I desperately wanted to get out of town and get on the road. I just want to get out of here.
And even if I get the car fixed, and it only takes a day, I couldn't afford to go anywhere anyway. I don't have that kind of money. And then it all comes back around to me feeling like a failure because I can't fucking afford anything!
I don't know what I'm going to do. I'm just... I'm at a loss. My brain keeps looping around in circles, and I can't find any solutions and I just end up wallowing...
I don't know. I just don't know.