all over the place- mid-life crisis.

[bluegirl_22]

Recently I have had a lot on my mind. So many thoughts about being a senior in college, starting a new chapter next year, losing friends, feeling helpless. It's one friend after another that I feel are losing interest in being my friend. I used to have a huge group of friends that would hang out all the time; we were inseperatable. Now I have lost almost all of them due to isolation. My sister moved away, roommates hate me, they told me i can't bring my dog back to college this year so I have to leave him at home with my parents, and this boy i was talking to is smothering me so i am telling him goodbye. I feel like I am pushing so many people away and the only thing i can turn back on is my eating disorder. It has come down to the point where I am only happy when I am counting every calorie and if I slip, i fall into depression. I feel like part of this isolation is growing up and realizing that friends and "going out" all of the time isn't going to hold when I am on my own but all of this stress is getting to me. I am going to go back to my ana days and start dedicating myself to the gym and restricting. I feel like I need something to live for.

If anyone wants to chat, please commment. I don't know what else to do to feel wanted.

So alone...so confused... where is my life going?

Help.