(no subject)
Heyy i just got back from being out of town all weekend so i haven't been able to write anything in here!! i feel like im so separated from LJ i miss it so much:(
I just ate lunch cause i felt like i was going to pass out, deeply considered throwing it up but i have to go to work for 6 hours in 10 minutes so i didn't throw it up. I took a Concerta today... i took it with coffee & it made me seriously sooo annoyed with everyone & feel so fat. I stayed the same weight all weekend i'm at 144. By Friday my goal is to be 140.
I'm going to go on a 4 mile run & do abs after work. Then all week increase my running by a mile everyday. I'm fasting starting now till i feel like i'm going to pass out then i'll eat a strawberry. I bought all this healthy food & i feel bad making it go to waste cause i don't eat it.
approx 400 calories today i can't believe i ate earlier but my family was watching me.... UGH it seriously sucks hiding this from everyone. I felt fat today at school & kept adjusting my outfit.. & then was like ill let people see how fat i am right now & then they'll notice more when i loose 30 pounds & say "wow she looks good"
I feel like i can't relax right now cause if i do i'll relax about my weight & thats not okay.
THis is def. a angry post cause i'm in the weirdest mood AHH i don't know whats wrong with me. I forgot to post that i made myself throw up this weekend for the first time in forever. I feel like my bulimia is coming back slowly :( My sister forced me to eat pizza & i claimed i was drunk & vomited cause i was so drunk when i faked drinking hahaha she's so oblivious of it.
Anyway STAY STRONG EVERYONE. I'll try to do the same. Off to work now.
I just ate lunch cause i felt like i was going to pass out, deeply considered throwing it up but i have to go to work for 6 hours in 10 minutes so i didn't throw it up. I took a Concerta today... i took it with coffee & it made me seriously sooo annoyed with everyone & feel so fat. I stayed the same weight all weekend i'm at 144. By Friday my goal is to be 140.
I'm going to go on a 4 mile run & do abs after work. Then all week increase my running by a mile everyday. I'm fasting starting now till i feel like i'm going to pass out then i'll eat a strawberry. I bought all this healthy food & i feel bad making it go to waste cause i don't eat it.
approx 400 calories today i can't believe i ate earlier but my family was watching me.... UGH it seriously sucks hiding this from everyone. I felt fat today at school & kept adjusting my outfit.. & then was like ill let people see how fat i am right now & then they'll notice more when i loose 30 pounds & say "wow she looks good"
I feel like i can't relax right now cause if i do i'll relax about my weight & thats not okay.
THis is def. a angry post cause i'm in the weirdest mood AHH i don't know whats wrong with me. I forgot to post that i made myself throw up this weekend for the first time in forever. I feel like my bulimia is coming back slowly :( My sister forced me to eat pizza & i claimed i was drunk & vomited cause i was so drunk when i faked drinking hahaha she's so oblivious of it.
Anyway STAY STRONG EVERYONE. I'll try to do the same. Off to work now.