my texts are a real thing in the world
So I haven't been posting much about dating lately because, frankly, I've been doing so much of it I barely have time to write snarky things about it. That, and I've hit a good groove where I don't really have that much snark to report. But today! Oh today is our day, my friends... I don't even want to preface because I think it's funnier that way. GO!
Bryan: Sorry I didn't tell you before you heard about it on facebook.
Kate: I thought it was awesome that I saw it on facebook. Perfect, really.
K: FYI, you are the 5th guy to wed right after dating me. I remain steadfast against marriage. Still, how can I turn this uncanny life pattern into a profitable business...
B: FYI, I married for health care. My company went belly up before burning man, and lost my job. Currently I plan to move to venzula [sic] to wwoof [sic] on a farm with healers types. Don't get me wrong I do love Jenn but she offered the marriage to support me. (please don't tell Birmingham this news. I don't want everyone knowing I lost my job.)
B: But do what you will. I had no expectation of life to work out this way.
K: That's a pity about your job. There are better, less divorce-y ways to go about major life changes, however. Luckily heteros can flout the system.
B: I have really bad issues with my jaw. I need coverage. I do what I can to get by. I hope all is well with you. Again, I am sorry that I didn't contact you.
K: That's understandable, there's just no way I would be beholden like that (again, ever). Pay it not another worry. I'm great. The poly gods have been good to me. Oh, I do have a new inner ear disorder, but I'm managing it in stride.
B: I am glad to hear you are doing so well. : )
Wait. You're asking yourself, "Did this guy get married at Burning Man?" Yes! Well, right after, in a chapel in Reno. And perhaps you gathered that I received the news via Facebook... correct again! Thank you, America, for giving me the Facebook wall news feed. His rambling memo about hallucinogens taken and costumes worn was simply primo; I cried with laughter. And did he marry someone I know? Sorta. She knows a good number of my B'ham friends, but it's strange that she and I never crossed paths until NYC.
To clarify, he was the strapping blond I met at my first make-out party this summer and she was his date. On date one he told me that they have some kind of not dating pact with each other b/c she's so new to the city. I thought that was strange to mention (also, I don't give a shit). Flash forward to about 6 weeks later (4th of July weekend), when he abruptly canceled our date, citing Burning Man and not wanting to "be in a relationship." I was mad/sad for a day or two, then moved on with my badass self. We remained Facebook friends, largely because I knew there would be something hilarious or at least meritous of schadenfreude. DID NOT DISAPPOINT. I graced Celeste with "the best voice mail ever" (her words!) with my howls of laughter between breathlessly reported news. No sooner had she hung up the phone than her neighbor said, while logged into Facebook, "Hey, did you know Jenn got married at Burning Man?" Oh, so much wow.
And yes, he really is #5. How, HOW can I make money off of these twisted coincidences?
And finally, is it not strange how losing his job is WAY more mortifying than getting married at Burning Man? The cliche' must be more blinding than that desert sun... I think we should set up a divorce fund for Jenn--she'll need it.
Bryan: Sorry I didn't tell you before you heard about it on facebook.
Kate: I thought it was awesome that I saw it on facebook. Perfect, really.
K: FYI, you are the 5th guy to wed right after dating me. I remain steadfast against marriage. Still, how can I turn this uncanny life pattern into a profitable business...
B: FYI, I married for health care. My company went belly up before burning man, and lost my job. Currently I plan to move to venzula [sic] to wwoof [sic] on a farm with healers types. Don't get me wrong I do love Jenn but she offered the marriage to support me. (please don't tell Birmingham this news. I don't want everyone knowing I lost my job.)
B: But do what you will. I had no expectation of life to work out this way.
K: That's a pity about your job. There are better, less divorce-y ways to go about major life changes, however. Luckily heteros can flout the system.
B: I have really bad issues with my jaw. I need coverage. I do what I can to get by. I hope all is well with you. Again, I am sorry that I didn't contact you.
K: That's understandable, there's just no way I would be beholden like that (again, ever). Pay it not another worry. I'm great. The poly gods have been good to me. Oh, I do have a new inner ear disorder, but I'm managing it in stride.
B: I am glad to hear you are doing so well. : )
Wait. You're asking yourself, "Did this guy get married at Burning Man?" Yes! Well, right after, in a chapel in Reno. And perhaps you gathered that I received the news via Facebook... correct again! Thank you, America, for giving me the Facebook wall news feed. His rambling memo about hallucinogens taken and costumes worn was simply primo; I cried with laughter. And did he marry someone I know? Sorta. She knows a good number of my B'ham friends, but it's strange that she and I never crossed paths until NYC.
To clarify, he was the strapping blond I met at my first make-out party this summer and she was his date. On date one he told me that they have some kind of not dating pact with each other b/c she's so new to the city. I thought that was strange to mention (also, I don't give a shit). Flash forward to about 6 weeks later (4th of July weekend), when he abruptly canceled our date, citing Burning Man and not wanting to "be in a relationship." I was mad/sad for a day or two, then moved on with my badass self. We remained Facebook friends, largely because I knew there would be something hilarious or at least meritous of schadenfreude. DID NOT DISAPPOINT. I graced Celeste with "the best voice mail ever" (her words!) with my howls of laughter between breathlessly reported news. No sooner had she hung up the phone than her neighbor said, while logged into Facebook, "Hey, did you know Jenn got married at Burning Man?" Oh, so much wow.
And yes, he really is #5. How, HOW can I make money off of these twisted coincidences?
And finally, is it not strange how losing his job is WAY more mortifying than getting married at Burning Man? The cliche' must be more blinding than that desert sun... I think we should set up a divorce fund for Jenn--she'll need it.