(no subject)
i feel humiliated.. i feel like an utter failure and not any words my mom or friends or even he said will help right now... so just spare me the bullshit ok people... and dont fucking go off telling me it will get better.. i am aware of that.. i am going to channel my energy as of tomorrow and turn it into positive things... but allow me one day to just be upset ... i am human after all.. although i constantly play the perfect happy cheerie girl facade where everything is wonderful and dandy i have my low points too.. and this is the lowest of the low.... i cried for 2 hours today.. no more like i was whaling.. it was like my lover had died... and just as tears are about to well up again in my eyes the recede... there is like no water left.. i am in my lioness mode where i need to be left alone with my thoughts and to chastise myself for what a pathetic exucse i am and how i could have worked just a little bit harder for what i wanted... and pleaseeeeeeeeee whatever you people do.. dont call me to get things off my mind with a coffee date and dont tell me you can relate.. cause really u cant.. your all intelligent... and your all smart whereas i work like a dog and still eat shit... its fine.. its just the way the universe works.. ive grown to accept it... thats the wisdom i have garnered
in trying to console me today michael told me the following in regards to what i just went through an analaogy of sorts but a very fitting one... you know.. you get 8 weeks to turn yourself into a supermodel... and for some people who already are tall or have a high metabolism.. those 8 weeks really do turn u into a super model... for the rest (and the majority i might add, though none of you my beloved friends) of us... 8 weeks isnt enough to turn us into super models.. so i have to work harder and longer and push myself to extremes... because damn it.. i want to be a super model...
in trying to console me today michael told me the following in regards to what i just went through an analaogy of sorts but a very fitting one... you know.. you get 8 weeks to turn yourself into a supermodel... and for some people who already are tall or have a high metabolism.. those 8 weeks really do turn u into a super model... for the rest (and the majority i might add, though none of you my beloved friends) of us... 8 weeks isnt enough to turn us into super models.. so i have to work harder and longer and push myself to extremes... because damn it.. i want to be a super model...