vroooooooom!
I am quite yearningful to say something.
I feel like I haven't had a meaningful talk with anyone in a long, long time. This may not be true, but it is my current outlook.
I guess I just decided that since the whole point of this journal is to allow other people to read it, I shouldn't be quite so "exclusive" in my ranting. What I mean by that, is I should try to make a little more sense.
I often have this problem. I talk about things a little too internally, so I really don't succeed at getting my point across. Or I could just be inarticulate. But sometimes I say stuff and people get it. Seriously!
Now, it comes down to this. I feel like I am continuously focusing on this huge, blown-up, faroff goal. I don't know what it is, and I don't really care. But in trying to reach that goal, I am completely forgetting how important it is to be happy. All I care about is this stupid goal.
This is because I am the "goal-oriented" type. I am a perfectionist. I am anal. Yes, I like my math notes to be lined up neatly and beautifully and written small. But, you see, the problem is this. I don't really want everything to be perfect. I prefer mess, chaos, colors and fun. But I have this odd idea that perfection will help me reach this ultimate goal. Why do I think about things like this? How am I going to get through my teen years without premature frown lines? Oh, I don't know. I don't know why I worry myself crazy. And it's not all about deep, meaningful things either. It's about little, nonsensical things.
I bet one of my worry lines is caused from ...I don't know. Putting the songs on a CD mix in an imperfect order. They could have been arranged...BETTER! It doesn't matter, though. Why should it matter? What is the evolutionary reason for worrying? I suppose it's obvious. I always run into things that aren't worth thinking about because they've already been so over-thought.
It would be a nice thought to think that there is someone out there worrying a lot about me. Then I wouldn't have to think about myself at all. Not that I should anyway. But what are we, if not ourselves? Haha. This is so deep! I'm like, having a conversation with a COMPUTER SCREEN. Why? Because maybe it soooooothes me.
We are what we think. Which means if you don't think, you are nothing. But I constantly feel like I am nothing because I am thinking.
But....
There are lots of little things that are interesting. Maybe they are really big and the way I think is small. Maybe my thinking is too small to incorporate something big. Like the little things. This is quite odd.
Someone please prescribe something. For yourself. For me.
How can I be so completely romantic and bohemian and still have philosophical conversations with myself? I feel like a little calculator is going to work in my brain, but I don't believe in calculators!
I feel like I haven't had a meaningful talk with anyone in a long, long time. This may not be true, but it is my current outlook.
I guess I just decided that since the whole point of this journal is to allow other people to read it, I shouldn't be quite so "exclusive" in my ranting. What I mean by that, is I should try to make a little more sense.
I often have this problem. I talk about things a little too internally, so I really don't succeed at getting my point across. Or I could just be inarticulate. But sometimes I say stuff and people get it. Seriously!
Now, it comes down to this. I feel like I am continuously focusing on this huge, blown-up, faroff goal. I don't know what it is, and I don't really care. But in trying to reach that goal, I am completely forgetting how important it is to be happy. All I care about is this stupid goal.
This is because I am the "goal-oriented" type. I am a perfectionist. I am anal. Yes, I like my math notes to be lined up neatly and beautifully and written small. But, you see, the problem is this. I don't really want everything to be perfect. I prefer mess, chaos, colors and fun. But I have this odd idea that perfection will help me reach this ultimate goal. Why do I think about things like this? How am I going to get through my teen years without premature frown lines? Oh, I don't know. I don't know why I worry myself crazy. And it's not all about deep, meaningful things either. It's about little, nonsensical things.
I bet one of my worry lines is caused from ...I don't know. Putting the songs on a CD mix in an imperfect order. They could have been arranged...BETTER! It doesn't matter, though. Why should it matter? What is the evolutionary reason for worrying? I suppose it's obvious. I always run into things that aren't worth thinking about because they've already been so over-thought.
It would be a nice thought to think that there is someone out there worrying a lot about me. Then I wouldn't have to think about myself at all. Not that I should anyway. But what are we, if not ourselves? Haha. This is so deep! I'm like, having a conversation with a COMPUTER SCREEN. Why? Because maybe it soooooothes me.
We are what we think. Which means if you don't think, you are nothing. But I constantly feel like I am nothing because I am thinking.
But....
There are lots of little things that are interesting. Maybe they are really big and the way I think is small. Maybe my thinking is too small to incorporate something big. Like the little things. This is quite odd.
Someone please prescribe something. For yourself. For me.
How can I be so completely romantic and bohemian and still have philosophical conversations with myself? I feel like a little calculator is going to work in my brain, but I don't believe in calculators!