Merlin 5.02 - "The Die Has Been Cast."
My recap/review of this weeks episode, including my own opinions, but feel free to respectfully disagree in the comments!
Previously on Merlin…
No ‘teaser’ before the opening titles this week, just a recap from the last episode. Because 60 seconds of quick clips of stripper mines and aliens is really going to catch you up and not leave you in a dazed and confused state.
We’re back in Morgana’s Creepy Castle and she’s having one of her funny turns again; her eye lids are twitching like a rabbit’s nose. In her dream she’s down a well with Aithusa…AITHUSA!!!!!!!!!!!! Awwww, look how she’s grown! I must say Morgana’s improved on her pets. She used to just have those snakes in a jar to talk to. Now she’s got wolves, a dragon and a mine full of topless men. I approve. Aithusa is really cute. Just like a big Labrador with wings.
Back in Snowsville and Arthur and Merlin are tied up. Again…that’s not euphemistic, they are actually tied up and being escorted to the Creepy Castle by Mordred and Generic Pirate Bandits of The Week. I know scenery doesn’t excuse other flaws in shows, but it really does look amazing. Lead Pirate Bandit doesn’t appreciate Merlin and Arthur’s banter like the rest of us do and punches Arthur in the gut to shut them both up.
We’re at Camelot now, and our pretty, deceptive, serving waif, Jan, is still locked up in the Escape Dungeons. As the name suggests, I predict that she won’t be there all that long. She’s looking out to see them put up the noose for her death. Huh, so Gwen’s a hanging sort of girl is she? Uther generally went for death by fire. You could kill someone and then stick the hog for dinner on the pyre. I think Uther was under appreciated in his own time. Say what you want, but the man knew the little secrets of running a kingdom. I’m not entirely sure it wasn’t the other way around actually. He needed to barbeque dinner and just threw a couple of people on there to make the most out of it. Men and their barbeques, eh?
So it looks like Jan will be dead by morning. In enters Gaius’ new wig and Gaius quickly follows. He offers her some sort of medication. She’ll be dead by the evening then, take the noose down! Gaius has got it covered. I’ve missed Gaius and his ridiculously inept medical skills. Hey, I wonder if that enchanted bracelet that made Gwen into an interesting character for half an episode is still knocking about down there? No one ever found that, did they? T’was a shame, they could have shoved it back on her wrist, livened her up a bit. If I had known all it would take was a bracelet I would have bombarded the BBC them back in season two.
Jan asks Gaius to help her speak to the Queen. “But I’m just a physician.” . So, it’s not just Merlin who hasn’t be promoted during the last three years, Gaius is still in the same job! Although Gaius is 350 years old by now…and if by physician he means that he kills everyone he comes into contact with., then it’s probably an accurate enough statement.
Arthur, really can sleep anywhere and is curled up in the snow. They’re with company though, so obviously Merlin isn’t snuggled down next to him, he’s sitting there glaring evilly at Lead Pirate Bandit. Merls, would help a little more if you glared magically, but he punched your boyfriend so I get why you’re giving him evils. Doesn’t really come off as sinister when your sitting there with a little red nose and ears. More like a slightly disgruntled hamster. Merlin! Use your piggin’ magic! I’m beginning to think his magic skills are as rusty as Leon’s fighting skills from last week. Leon needs to get back to the Armoury (‘Leon’s Shack of Love and Weapons’) and Merlin needs to practice some spells. Practice turning Gaius into a possum or something, or Gwen into a three dimensional character.
Mordred’s apparently been doing some light reading of the Human Rights Treaty and suggests that it would be a good idea if they feed Merlin and Arthur. Lead Pirate Bandit balks at the suggestion. “Morgana wants slaves, not hogs for the fire.” She’s Uther’s daughter, so I imagine the two aren’t mutually exclusive.
“Hey I just met you and this is crazy, but let me probe you, Gwaine Baby." So the alien’s still there then. It wasn’t some heady trip we all simultaneously had last week. I’ve scolded the show before for sometimes being predictable, but I don’t think any one of us could say that we saw extra terrestrials making an appearance. I’m not sure I even said it in a jokey way. Doctor Who and Merlin are both BBC shows, is it at all possible that the wrong script went into some big wig executive’s pigeon hole? Were they so enthusiastic about the idea that the writers didn’t want to correct them, so had to write in an alien into an episode. I actually still don’t know if it’s the worst idea in history or if it’s absolute genius. I genuinely am still so stunned that my brain can’t compute whether it loves it or hates it. She’s taken a right old shine to Gwaine though. Who can blame her, eh? As this is the last season, I’m fully expecting a spin off with the two of them next year. You’ve got to love a show that pretends to dismiss any suggestion of intended homosexuality (while having their two leads groping about and moaning in a net), but fully supports a human/alien relationship.
Merlin’s still sitting there shivering in the snow. Oh for crying out loud, boy…YOU’RE A FLIPPIN WIZARD!!!! Twitch your nose or something and warm yourself up at the very least. Or as Arthur is still conked out asleep, why don’t you blast all the Pirate Bandits to hell and haul arse out of there!!! Mordred apparently does some work for Amnesty International on the side and brings Merlin some bread. Merlin is rightly suspicious, but Mordred argues that Arthur did save his life and that he shouldn’t judge his motives. I’m loving Mordred by the way. I can’t remember what the boy who plays him is called, but I’ll find out…probably by episode seven. Anyway he’s doing a cracking job. He’s very enigmatic, very subtle and I’m genuinely not sure what side he is on, even with the whole ‘he’s gonna kill Arthur’ thing. “You fear me Emyrys, don’t you?” I think I’m gonna love the interactions between these two.
Mordred tells Merlin that Morgana is looking for the key…the key to all knowledge. Isn’t that Google? So are we supposed to have guessed that the key is the alien or not? I wonder what sort of training Morgana gave the Stripper Miners on what to look for? How many bits of crap do they bring her a day? Hopefully they’ll find her a few things to decorate the Creepy Castle. Fingers crossed there’s an Ikea buried down there.
Speaking of the Creepy Castle, we’re back there with Morgana who is complaining to Jan’s Dad…Dan…that the Stripper Miners still haven’t found the key. They’ve found a whole other bunch of stuff though which they’re auctioning on eBay. They’re also making a ‘Stripper Miner’ calendar for charity. Percival is Mr.July. Dan tells Morgana about Jan being sentenced to death. She tries to show sympathy and tells Dan how cruel that is, but she’s unfriending Jan on Facebook as she’s talking, so I’m not quite sure she truly means it.
Distance is always a slightly wonky concept in Albion, and Merlin, Arthur, Mordred and the Pirate Bandits are still clip clopping along to Creepy Towers. Arthur falls down in the snow and Lead Pirate Bandit gives him another swift kicking for luck and hauls him to his feet. Arthur gives Merlin a wink. I’m 99% sure that’s because he’s cooking up a secret plan, not because he’s hitting on him. The look on Merlin’s face suggests he’s not entirely sure which one it is either. Somehow though, Arthur has got hold of a large, long dagger. Insert your own Arthur’s Bane joke here, I am beyond that sort of school age humour…*snigger*
Let’s talk about Gwen. No…no, come back. I won’t be long. I know a few people were a bit unconvinced that Gwen’s Uther impression last week wasn’t an improvement in her character. I have to admit, I wasn’t totally convinced either, but it was something I’d technically asked for. Last season while talking about the fact that neither Arthur or Merlin crave power, I talked about Gwen. Please excuse the fact that I’m quoting myself, but I said … “I’d argue that Gwen almost seems to fall into the category of liking the power of becoming Queen. I’d actually probably like the character more if she did appear more overtly power hungry. It would add a little spark.” So I was sitting there in the first episode going…is this my fault?
Gwen and Lady Ga-Gaius are having their weekly Sudoku morning when the guards bring Jan in. “Sefa…you wanted to see me?” Oh, you’ve changed Gwen. She was your servant and you can’t even get her name right. Jan pleads her case to Gwen, but she is resolute that the sentence stands. Apparently, there was a backbone included with that new dress she’s wearing, as well as underwire support.
Hold on…what’s this…is that violins I hear in the background? Why yes, what could it mean? As it turns out , Gwen isn’t that interesting and hasn’t gone as power hungry as we thought, as she explains to Lady Ga-Gaius. Apparently it’s all a ruse of a plan. See, we should have seen that coming after her genius ‘Go another way’ plan from last week. So that’s the attribute that they’ve added to Gwen’s character? Her ability to scheme like Wile E Coyote? I wanted them to make her into a flawed and dynamic female, not turn her into fucking Colombo.
In Snowsville, Operation Stealy Dagger is under way. I’m beginning to think that Arthur is actually the brains in this outfit. He knocked out Lead Pirate Bandit and Merlin uses Magic to knock Pirate Bandit Extra off his horse. Oh, now you use magic…in front of everyone…unsubtly *slow clap*. Merlin! Arthur grabs a smorgasbord of weaponry (Sir Leon would be so proud!) and him and Merlin scarper out of there. Unfortunately there seems to be a large gap in the snow, so Arthur leaps across with Merlin pretty much having to follow. I loved this little scene, really worked well. I mean it wasn’t a biggest of gaps, just a bit bigger than your large puddle, but it looked very nice! The Pirate Bandits are in quick pursuit though, but luckily Arthur ‘s got that cross bow on his utility belt. He kills off a few extras, but stops short of killing Mordred. Merlin’s all “DEATH, DEATH, DEATH!”. Sounds a bit like something Uther would say, and apparently Gwen…kind of…and definitely Morgana. Poor old Arthur, he’s a delicate, forgiving rose stuck in a mess of bitter thorns.
Merlin has broken about two inches of ice off which apparently means that the Pirate Bandits are unable to shuffle down the road a few feet and jump over there. Not that either of the boys are looking. Merlin’s busy scolding Arthur, but Arthur’s sort of used to it. What with them being married and all.
Gwaine’s just regaining consciousness and finds Google the Alien standing over him. Gwaine, naturally wants to know who exactly Google is. “ I have been called many things by the children of men. I am the last of my kind.” Well that clears that up then. Google should get together and have tea with Kilgarrah, they can both speak in fuzzy imagery to each other. It’s probably best that it was Gwaine that stumbled upon Google. He’s a pretty laid back sort of Knight. If it had been Sir Leon he would have probably have had some sort of anxiety attack. Speaking of other Knights, where the devil is Percival? I’m missing their adventures in Gay Bedrock.
Knighstones, Meet the Knightstones
They’re the modern, gay nobility.
From the town of Cam’Lot
They’re the worst Knights in history.
To see nude Gwaine is a treat
There lay Percival by his feet.
When you’re with the Knightstones
You’ll have a yabba dabba do time
A dabba do time
You’ll have a gay old time!
We’re back with the Non-Speaking Camelot Knights now, plundering though the forest, not seeing an evil baddie about two foot away from them. It’s nice to know that some things don’t change. The Camelot Guards make the Knights seem like bloody Power Rangers though, as they fail to miss a man abseiling up the castle wall just to the side of them. That’ll be Dan then, coming to rescue Jan…just like Gwen said. Lucky really, because she didn’t actually have a plan for if he hadn’t of come. Dan knocks out a Knight and then a Guard, distracting him with a coin. Arthur’s really slacked on Camelot Knights and Guards Training Regime. This is where I feel Morgana would flourish, she’s got her Stripper Miners trained and working like clockwork. No holiday, No breaks. Arthur’s got generous annual leave, bring your children to work day, Wear A Hat Friday and free medical cover. It’s just too much of a relaxed environment.
Dan frees Jan from the Escape Dungeons and the Camelot warning bells start ringing and distract Gwen from her Suduko in her Chambers. So are Gwen’s Chambers, also Arthur’s Chambers? They look similar. Surely they’d have separate Chambers anyway. They clearly aren’t having sex…well not with each other anyway. The way Sir Leon burst through that door without knocking leads me to suggest he’s no stranger to the room. Who could blame Gwen? That scruffy hair, that large arsenal of weapons…he’s every dull girl’s dream.
The Knights catch up with Dan and Jan and Elyan stabs Dan during the fight. So…what exactly was Gwen’s plan? I’m confused. She knew Dan would come and get Jan…but then what? Were the Knights meant to kill him? Capture him? I’m sorry, but Gwen’s plans are shit. Thinking about it, last week’s plan of ‘Go a different way’ didn’t work out too well either did it? Less Suduko, more work on the plans, Gwen. Jan and Dan escape from the castle, but he’s not looking in good shape. Before he snuffs it though, he manages to send a Raven Email to Morgana. Yeah, cause that’s a woman who really needs more animals around her. I must say I’m half hoping she’ll kill it and make a feather duster from it, the Creepy Castle is filthy!
Gaius is doing the autopsy on Dan. Gwen’s there too. Hey! It’s the CSI: Camelot team, back in action! Delivering you dull exposition in double quick time. Actually, it’s not that dull. They speak of the Great Purge and how the Druids blame Arthur for Uther’s actions in that time. Magic is still outlawed and even though Arthur is practically a little kitten compared to his father, he is still not liked.
I did enjoy Merlin’s distaste at traipsing through rubbish, and Arthur finding his distaste amusing. I know, again, some people thought the Merlin/Arthur banter from last week didn’t excuse the lack of any deeper progression with the characters, and the fact that Merlin is still Arthur’s servant. I think some people didn’t excuse, but enjoyed the scenes, so they didn’t care too much. I think I fall into that latter category. What can I say? I’m a simple girl. I’m not saying I’ll have this attitude for very long, and it does irk me a little bit, but I thought there was a level of equality between them as they were captured and through escaping. I thought the snarking at each other was done in a sweet way again. There was no malice or uncaring behind it. I think I’m growing soft in my old age. I genuinely think that until there is a reveal, they can't move forward in anyway, so I guess I'm weirdly appreciative that they are static, rather than moving backwards.
So, last week, due to snuggling in a net, my Grope Bingo cards exploded. So we’ve moved on to ‘Grope Drinking Game’. It’s not as potentially pervy as it sounds. So, looking down the list ‘Squished Together in a Mining Cart Under a Blanket For A Indeterminate Time’ is….three glasses of Cherryade and half a shot of Peach Snapps. Everyone drink up! (It’s a complicated system, you may all want to stock up in the beverage section of the supermarket before next week).
Mordred has finally arrived at Creepy Castle and Morgana spots him and smiles. I wasn’t actually sure she could smile, I thought her mouth just got stuck on smirk and never recovered. Back down in the Mine, and Arthur and Merlin find Percival. He is really getting into this Stripper Mine work. He actually seems quite content and in a natural environment, like a captive animal released into the wild. Arthur and Merlin have decided to dress as Saxons rather than the Strippers. Terrible disguise, boys. Take those shirts off and blend in at once!
Morgana has laid on a bit of a feast for Mordred. They’ve just finished eating some sort of meat. I wouldn’t like to speculate what, but I haven’t seen those wolves since the last episode. Mordred tells Morgana that the Bandits let Arthur escape. She takes it well. “I want his annilation Mordred. I want to put his head on a spike and I want to see the crows feast on his eyes.” I know I said the castle needed some decoration, but I was thinking a nice set of drapes rather than heads on spikes. I suppose it’s baby steps though.
The Camelot style warning bells awake Google and Gwaine from their nap. It’s like a modern day Mork and Mindy really. Is Google sniffing Gwaine’s hair?! I think Google looks a bit like one of those cat’s with no fur. It’s quite the opposite of Gwaine who’s got a flowing mane of locks. Can you imagine if they had a child? It would be Alf! (That reference is for all the 80’s children out there!)
+
=
Merlin and Arthur eventually meet up with them. Slightly awkward introductions for obvious reasons. Legendary Middle Ages Literary Figures...meet Twentieth Century Constructed Extra Terrestrial Image. Google’s a little shy though, so she goes to hide behind her rock. Finally, Arthur asks the question we’ve all been puzzled by…”What was that?!” Gwaine replies by telling Arthur that she’s not a ‘that’, she’s a key called Google and they’re going to be together whether he likes it or not. If Arthur can marry a servant, then he can marry an alien, so stop discriminating! Actually, he replies that he’s not sure. He’s an opened minded sort of guy. He won’t put a label on love.
Merlin’s suspicious that all the Saxons have disappeared. “First there’s too many, now there’s not enough, are you ever happy?” Arthur replies to his wife before they argue about how to decorate the lounge and who’s family to spend Christmas with. So married. The Saxons have disappeared though, because Morgana is on her way with Aithusa. Arthur pulls Merlin and Gwaine into a small gap with him out of the way and they curl up into an Arthur Sandwich. Arthur asks where Morgana could get a dragon from. He says it in a very sibling way. “Where has Morgana got a dragon from? Why can’t I have a dragon. Morgana get’s everything she wants!” Merlin looks like he wants to strangle Kilgarrah for not telling him that Aithusa wasn’t with him last week.
While Percival is single handily taking on hundreds of Saxons, Merlin sets off after Aithusa and Arthur goes after him. Aww, Aithusa’s going to meet both her dads at once! She doesn’t react well at first, trying to set one of her father’s on fire. Merlin properly scolds her . She can’t speak though! Poor Aithusa. Run away! Run away back to Camelot to live with your parents!
Arthur’s looking for Merlin, but stumbles upon Morgana instead. Arthur/Morgana scene!! Arthur/Morgana scene!!! That improves the episode several points for me. Not that I have a points system or anything. Although that might not be the worst idea in the world…Anyway, it makes me happy that there is an Arthur/Morgana scene. I’m that easy. I should maybe think about the fact I’m so happy about it because there was only a blink and you’ll miss it scene last season and that’s all we got.
Morgana’s got to get to work on her ‘Head on a Spike’ décor so she tries to kill Arthur. I kinda liked how Arthur’s not angry, just really disappointed. Just a contrast with Morgana who is so angry it’s engulfed her. She can’t see past it at the moment. Merlin’s reflexes need working on as he get’s thrown against a wall before he can get any magic going. Not that he’d use it even if that hadn’t have happened. I’m pretty sure even though he was a bit concussed he still could have used it. Meanwhile, Mordred was ether effected by Arthur’s speech or he’s disgusted at the Health and Safety conditions for the miners, but he stabs Morgana in the back. Literally and figuratively. It does make me feel a bit sorry for Morgana. She’s not had the best luck with people has she? I know she’s a bat shit crazy loon, but that’s fuelled by betrayal. She really is all alone.
Mordred’s dragging Arthur out of the cave while Google rouses Merlin. He wants to know what Arthur’s Bane is, if it’s not Mordred, so he asks Google. “Did you mean: what is Arthur’s bone?” No, Google actually replies that it is 'himself'. I actually thought she was going to say Merlin, but ‘himself’ is interesting too. I’m curious to see how this plays out.
We quickly cut back to Camelot. We’re apparently not supposed to question how a concussed Merlin and Arthur managed to drag thirty half naked Knights back on a trek that took 6 weeks to get there. I wonder if they stayed at the Queen Annis B&B on the way back. “Queen Annis, I apologies for killing your husband, please take a few topless Knights as a show of remorse.” Speaking of Knights, apparently Arthur will knight any Tom, Dick or Mordred nowadays. Seriously? Mordred? Yet Merlin is still a servant? Is it really because Arthur couldn’t bare not having him around him all day?
Wait…how come Arthur doesn’t know Mordred has magic? Oi! Arthur, you eejit, think back to season one. Remember it? Morgana hadn’t turned into the Wicked Witch of the West, Uther was still alive, Gwen didn’t buy her outfits from House of Cleavage, Gaius didn’t look like he had Cousin It on his head and Merlin was still your servant…oh wait….better scrap the last one. Anyhoo, I know Uther used to pretty much sentence anyone in a 30 metre perimeter to death (“You….how did you get these goblets so clean…it must be sorcery…I sentence you to death!”), but he also executed Mordred’s magical Druid father. You might want to take another look at Mordred’s Knight application form under the section “Are you an evil magical being? Yes/No”.
Merlin and Mordred have a little chat. I’m loving these two together! It brings out Merlin’s protective, bitchy side. Mordred tells Merlin why he saved Arthur. Neither Merlin or myself are quite buying it, although he is very convincing. We’ll have to keep our eyes on him.
We end with a little Gaius and Merlin dinner scene. Yay! I’ve missed those. Gaius has made Merlin his favourite pudding, which is….dear god what is that?! They discuss Mordred‘s intentions towards Arthur, but Merlin‘s at a point now where he‘s accepting that something is going to happen. “I feel that the die has cast and for good or ill albion’s great trial has begun.”
I’ve enjoyed these two episodes very much. I think they’ve set up a lot of aspects and avenues to explore in the coming episodes. They both seemed to go by really quickly when I watched them, and that’s always a good sign. There are stll a few questons that need to be answered; When will we get the reveal, What actually has changed about Gwen's character, What side is Mordred on, Is Gaius' hair alive...but I'm optamistic. Now let’s hope they don’t screw it up!
Next week: Merlin and Gwen seem to be having a rough time of it as it looks like someone’s returning…