um...
so at what point are things supposed to turn around and get better? i've really been holding out- i keep assuming that if i try really hard and get up every day and do whatever i'm supposed to and try to smile and try to act like i don't feel like i've been totally striped down and hollowed out and then maybe backed over by a truck, that things will get better. or less bad. i don't know if i've ever felt quite so alone. senior year at bradley was bad, but i don't know if it came anywhere near this. and it's painful. getting up, going to work, trying to focus on polishing off the details for my evaluation at work (and trying to pretend like i actually give a shit about mcdonald's and food cost and who walked out on what shift... it really really doesn't matter). it's ok on a day by day basis. as long as i don't try to look too far down the road, because it's pretty bleak. it's more aloneness working for a fast food restaurant and dealing with stupid annoying customers (i'm not trying to be mean- some people are just outright nasty to the staff. i'm tired of picking up the phone and getting yelled at because someone forgot a piece of cheese or so and so's kid didn't want the frog toy he wanted the rat... UGH).
does this happen to anyone else? i would kill to have people around to hang out with... but it feels kind of pointless to pursue that even because i work every single friday and saturday night from 4pm-1am and then most sundays from 10am-7pm. for people with normal jobs who get weekends off it kind of cuts down on overlapping free time.
oh well... i guess i look at tomorrow. tomorrow i have off. my car was hit by a bus last week (it was a hit and run- a school bus bit off the back end and there's an awful lot twisted and scratched and broken...) and i need to get estimates.
um. that's it i guess. wow, sad. my piano lesson was rescheduled for another day since sarah can't get to my house and she doesn't have a piano at hers. i don't think i could keep her at all focused at her house. i think she seriously might have add... it's a challenge, but they pay cash so i don't complain.
maybe i'll sleep a lot. yes. tomorrow that's what i'll do. i'll sleep.
what am i supposed to do? does anyone know what i should do? how do i fix my life?
does this happen to anyone else? i would kill to have people around to hang out with... but it feels kind of pointless to pursue that even because i work every single friday and saturday night from 4pm-1am and then most sundays from 10am-7pm. for people with normal jobs who get weekends off it kind of cuts down on overlapping free time.
oh well... i guess i look at tomorrow. tomorrow i have off. my car was hit by a bus last week (it was a hit and run- a school bus bit off the back end and there's an awful lot twisted and scratched and broken...) and i need to get estimates.
um. that's it i guess. wow, sad. my piano lesson was rescheduled for another day since sarah can't get to my house and she doesn't have a piano at hers. i don't think i could keep her at all focused at her house. i think she seriously might have add... it's a challenge, but they pay cash so i don't complain.
maybe i'll sleep a lot. yes. tomorrow that's what i'll do. i'll sleep.
what am i supposed to do? does anyone know what i should do? how do i fix my life?