(no subject)
sometimes i cannot even believe how much of an introvert. do i enjoy interactions with humans, absolutely. but there is something about, i dont know, the way my blood pumps and the way my body accepts oxygen... i just want to have it for myself. it is so strange: honestly knowing that i will live and die alone. its not anything tragic, im not having a personal pity party, im not masturbating to my loneliness, and maybe i am... point being, i have not yet found anyone that can just keep up with my excentric energy. i cannot stop. i am too alive. and for every psychotic mess that i have seen on the history channel or in any fictional novel or movie, i can feel whatever is being felt. it is understood. and if my childhood were any different than what it was, i would be cutting up bodies next to the river, or dissecting animals just to see what their insides look like. it is horrible to be this person, to stand facing life alone, lacking family, lacking friends, lacking any true, genuine, meaningful interaction with any human and to not know what to do. being alone in a mind like this is scary. its hard to shrink the demons into little whispers. it is difficult to be alone.
whoa i wrote that a while back and it just restored it. i was intense.
heh.
each conversation leads to anger. i must put on my mask, and not let this effect me anymore because you are not allowed to judge the fuck out of my life. i guess i was ready to be single. it just took me 8 years to realize that i dont need anybody. i just want to be free. i just want to be happy. i am done with being chastised because of my actions when yes they might be crazy but never with bad intentions. i am in my 20s. i will begin living now.
whoa i wrote that a while back and it just restored it. i was intense.
heh.
each conversation leads to anger. i must put on my mask, and not let this effect me anymore because you are not allowed to judge the fuck out of my life. i guess i was ready to be single. it just took me 8 years to realize that i dont need anybody. i just want to be free. i just want to be happy. i am done with being chastised because of my actions when yes they might be crazy but never with bad intentions. i am in my 20s. i will begin living now.