[In his Care] Chapter 84 ~part 1/4
Tadaima~!
I'm enjoying Japan as much as I can ^^ I have two months of break from uni now, but still one essay to finish XD, and I've been thinking of going traveling and then breaking my heart in March by going to see the five member KAT-TUN (KUNTT heheh, that never gets old! XD) and cry like I did during Jin's solo con. But I really love Birth ^^ Saw countdown in Osaka this year. Too bad eito was seben, but Uchi came on the screen at one point so I was happy ^^ I'll probably post a report of T&T, TegoMasu and K8 when I can. I will probably not be so much at home for now if I go traveling.
For those who don't want to read my babbling about Japan, please scroll down to the chap ^^
For those who do, I'd like to give some advice about being a Westerner in Japan, because from time to time I have to check up things myself online. So a tip that comes to mind: for those of you who suffer from sensitive skin, like me, Japanese Hada Labo skin care works quite well. ^^ Also for those interested in BB Creams (though I heard one actually made it to Finland?! Wtf! We don't even have starbucks - yet! or KFC or Burger King or 7-eleven etc. and we get BB Cream? Not that I'm complaining ^^) Missha's light color works on my skin and is so far the best foundation I've ever used. But Maybeline here has BB Cream too and even some suiting Western skin colors. Anyway, if you're wondering about something then ask and I'll see if I can answer ^^ I'm going to miss so much in Japan! I'm crazy about the clothes I've bought here too XD Why can't Finland have more cute clothes too?
And to the mega-ass long chap that is over 56 pages on my word - Arial font 10 with single space. I've had so much trouble with this chap, because I took it with me from Finland on both the outer hard drive and a memory stick. When starting to write on it again I got confused which one I had been writing on and ended up having two different versions of it XD; I hope I was able to make some sense of it and I hope it won't be a disappointment to you readers, who have faithfully waited yet so many months for my turtle speed update. Now that I finally have something to bribe with I can reply to your lovely comments ^^ Thank you and I hope you'll enjoy the update! I'm working on the next one, but depending on how I'm at home it might take a while for me to reply and finish the next one. Anyway, here it is;
Title: In his Care
Chapter: 84/86
Pairings: Akame, TxT, KinKi Kids, TomaPi, RyoUchi, YunJae and many more.
Fandoms: JE, wFL, random Jboys, random Kboys and hints of tenimyu and dramas
Rating: NC-17
Warnings: please pay attention to possible extra warnings (e.g. spoiler warnings) posted at each chap, overall warnings for non-con, violence and language.
Summary: AU. Kame's two years in prison and his life after that. In this chapter Kame flashbacks a lot ^^ in other words it's time for Kame's pov...
[Phase one] Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3 Chapter 4 Chapter 5 Chapter 6 Chapter 7 Chapter 8 Chapter 9 Chapter 10 Chapter 11 Chapter 12 Chapter 13 Chapter 14 Chapter 15 Chapter 16 Chapter 17 Chapter 18 Chapter 19 Chapter 20 Chapter 21
[Phase two] Chapter 22 Chapter 23 Chapter 24 Chapter 25 Chapter 26 Chapter 27 Chapter 28 Chapter 29 Chapter 30 Chapter 31 Chapter 32 Chapter 33 Chapter 34 Chapter 35 Chapter 36 Chapter 37 Chapter 38 Chapter 39 Chapter 40 Chapter 41 Chapter 42 Chapter 43 Chapter 44 Chapter 45 Chapter 46 Chapter 47
[Phase three] Chapter 48 Chapter 49 Chapter 50 Chapter 51 Chapter 52 Chapter 53 Chapter 54 Chapter 55 Chapter 56 Chapter 57 Chapter 58 Chapter 59 Chapter 60 Chapter 61 Chapter 62 Chapter 63 Chapter 64 Chapter 65 Chapter 66 Chapter 67 Chapter 68 Chapter 69 Chapter 70 Chapter 71 Chapter 72 Chapter 73 Chapter 74 Chapter 75 Chapter 76 Chapter 77 Chapter 78 Chapter 79
[Phase four] Chapter 80 Chapter 81 Chapter 82 Chapter 83
Thank you Cata for correcting all my brain farts and other typos in this looooong chap! When reading through your corrections I once again thought to myself 'what would I do without my other half? I'd be in deep trouble!' <3
Chapter 84
Clothes fell to the floor as he rushed between the wardrobe and the open bag on his bed. He couldn’t possibly take everything with him and make it out in time. He only had 24 hours, but Kame preferred to be out long before nightfall.
Grabbing his bag, he left his Todai apartment and hurried out onto the campus, crossing it in quick steps. There was still an hour before nightfall, but the sky was already turning darker.
He took the subway and changed at Ueno to a shinkansen train. He chose the first one that was leaving and ended up on a night train bound for Sapporo. As the train left the station, Kame breathed out in relief, but the journey had only begun. A few hours from now, as the 24 hours were up, the chase would begin. It was useless to turn to Masa or Johnny now. It was probably useless to run too.
Finding his bunk, Kame laid his heavy bag aside and stretched out. He wasn’t hungry. He hadn’t been able to eat since last night and his heart was still beating faster than usually. On top of it he hadn’t slept at all and it was beginning to have its effect. Finding a comfortable position Kame dozed off the minute he closed his eyes, becoming unaware of everything happening around him. But only a few hours into the ride he suddenly woke up in a start.
He wasn’t alone anymore. There was someone nearby. The drape was still pulled shut so he couldn’t see who, but the quickening of his heartbeat and breath told him he already knew. Pulling the drape slowly aside, he was met by the empty hallway. There was no one in sight and the only sound he heard was coming from the train.
Then he realized where the presence was hiding.
Climbing out of his bunk, Kame slowly pulled aside the drape of the bunk above his.
“Nice try.” the figure in the upper bed greeted him, an intense look in his eyes as he turned his head to stare into Kame’s eyes. One arm rested lazily behind the man’s head. “You didn’t really think you’d get away, did you?”
Kame just stared back for a while shaking his head then and the other man chuckled.
“Did you really wait 24 hours before coming after me?” Kame asked, speaking at last. It was impossible since the train had left Tokyo before the time was up.
Jin sent him a grin. “I might’ve cheated a little.”
Impatient as always, Kame thought, watching Jin extend a hand to him, a gesture that clearly told him to join the other man in the upper bunk. Without much hesitation Kame climbed up the stairs leading to it and Jin sat up.
“Why Hokkaido?” Jin complained. “It’s cold there. You should’ve chosen a flight to Okinawa instead.”
You just want sex on the beach, Kame thought, refraining from saying it out loud, but it seemed Jin had still heard him. Sometimes it was as if Jin read his mind, even though Jin claimed it was his body language he read.
The extended hand caught him by the waist, pulling him further into the bunk and onto its mattress while the other hand closed the drape again. Jin hovered on top of him, studying his face and reading something only Jin and the gods knew what.
“You’re not making any resistance.” Jin murmured, keeping his voice down as there were people sleeping in the area. “Counting on me hitting the brakes for you this time too?”
“No.” Kame replied. “Not this time.”
“Why not?” Jin asked.
“Because there’s no stopping you when you want something.” Kame replied.
“In that case you could’ve spared me the trip and just waited for me at your apartment.” Jin said and Kame shook his head.
“Just because you always get it your way doesn’t mean I’ll make it easy for you.” Kame said and a smile appeared on Jin’s face, a familiar love for challenges mixed into it. As Jin’s head lowered closer to his Kame could see a trace of warmth too in the eyes of the ex-player.
He would never admit it to Jin, but maybe he did like being the prey. It meant he would be chased and sought up if he disappeared. He would be missed and wanted by someone, who would cross many lines to get him. He wished Jin had let his player-side been more dominating during the majority of their relationship. Maybe then they wouldn’t have ended up in such a mess.
But no matter how dominant Jin always was, he loved the way Jin lost control the closer the leader got to him. He hadn’t noticed it as Jin’s boy toy, but thanks to Masa he was slowly starting to realize he wasn’t, and had never been, completely powerless in his relationship with Jin.
Kame shut his eyes as he felt Jin’s lips against his skin.
He liked this Jin better. He liked how Jin swept away with him and he doubted even Jin could tell how much he had wanted this to be the result of his sudden journey. He hadn’t wanted to get away. He had made the best attempt at it and expected the likes of Jin to be able to keep up with him. He was as satisfied with the result of this short chase as Jin was.
Grabbing Jin by the neck firmly, he guided Jin’s lips from his neck to his mouth instead, kissing the other man deeply while his fingers slipped into Jin’s hair.
He was ready to give up everything now and tell Jin the whole story. Jin knew it too, but the leader didn’t seem in the slightest interested in asking right now, which suited Kame just fine. They could talk later. And they would talk later. He would not let go of Jin now that he finally had a good grip on the man. This time their relationship would work out both in and outside of bed. He had waited a year for an opportunity like this, praying that they would eventually end up like this again. Since Jin had made the effort to seek him up tonight, he would seek Jin up if he woke up in Sapporo alone. Nothing Jin could say or do, no matter how painful, would push him away this time. He was going to have all of Jin, starting right now…
…
The annoying sound of the alarm clock broke into Kame’s wonderful dream. For a short moment he thought it might be Maru, using his amazing vocal skills to mimic the sounds of an alarm clock, which was one of the ways Maru had woken him and Jin up plenty of times in prison. He forced himself to believe Jin had taken the gang with him and they were lying in their own bunks on the train, where Maru was bored and had started making sound effects for himself. For that brief moment he was confused as he reached out to find nothing, no heat anywhere. The bed was cold around him. That's when he accepted the cruelness of reality and still refusing to open his eyes he silenced the noisy alarm clock and continued to just lie in his previous position.
Mixed in with the growing annoyance his alarm clock had caused him, the emotions in his dream were still hurling inside of him. He missed Jin now just as badly as he had that last night in Korea, when he had known what the next morning would bring. He hadn't wanted to leave without being that close to Jin again at least for one last time and so as his longing had won over his fear of closeness. It was just like he had missed Jin in prison when he had been left behind, thinking he’d never see Jin again. But their paths had continued to cross, even though they had always failed to walk down one together.
During this moment of weakness and denial, Kame wondered yet again if the decision he had made a year ago was the right one, regretting it once more. He had done many stupid things in the past, mostly in prison where he had disobeyed and broken direct orders from Jin as a boy toy, but all of those more or less stupid decisions he hadn't regretted. Apart from getting himself sent to prison, this was the one thing he regretted deeply and that didn't feel right by him. This time he wanted to go back in time and change something. What exactly he wanted to change he wasn't sure, but he wanted the outcome to be different. Maybe he should have stood his ground more when Jin had pushed him away.
His mind rewound back to his dream, concluding this wasn’t the first time he had enjoyed such pleasant dreams about Jin. This whole year he had barely seen one nightmare, but repeated the last night in Korea in his dreams instead over and over again. Not even the appearance of his master, former or not so former, had been able to chase away those dreams and this morning like every morning before he had woken up feeling lonely.
Unintentionally, his mind wandered back to that night again.
I love you.
Kame shivered, remembering the hoarse voice in his ear and the way Jin's breath had made his skin tickle.
What was wrong with him? Why was he still seeing these kinds of dreams about Jin even after last night? His longing was just as strong as before. He hadn't even noticed it himself how that feeling had grown over the months he had spent apart from Jin.
Yamapi had been right, Kame had come to notice, when the News leader had told him in Korea that, “Once you’ve been away from Jin for long enough, you’ll come to realize you miss him and then the stir of panic he has set in motion inside of you will come to rest as he isn’t around you anymore and you’ll realize how you truly feel about him.”
Even now, as Jin had set in motion a new stir of emotions in him, his longing for Jin was still the strongest of them all. Though right now, remembering last night’s events, he didn't care much to see Jin even if he missed the leader. Kame once again had a good reason to feel stupid. Jin had ripped the mask right of his face so effortlessly, crushing it into pieces and continued to mess with him. For a while he had almost been taken away by Jin's show, remembering what it had been like meeting Jin for the first time, but as Jin had asked him, “Are you scared of me?”, Kame had finally snapped back to his senses. He respected Jin, he felt inferior to Jin in many areas, but he didn't fear Jin anymore. And that's when it had hit him, what Masa had been trying to tell him all along, that Akanishi Jin had respect for him. Akanishi Jin could no longer do anything he wanted to him.
Jin had finally kept one promise by showing him his true face again. Kame had stayed and waited for that to happen, but as it had become more and more obvious it wasn’t going to leaving had felt like the only option he had had left. Why had Jin chosen to let him go rather than to face their past? Was that the extent of Jin’s love?
If you didn't love me, why did you let me stay with you? If you did love me, why did you let me leave? It still didn’t make any sense.
Kame kept his eyes closed, refusing to glance at the clock. He didn’t want to get out of bed, but he knew he had to. The big day was here. Masa had planned it all out with some help. He hadn't liked the plan then and he didn't like it now, but today was the day he would finally rise in the eyes of Johnny Kitagawa to a status almost as high as Masa's. But there were sacrifices.
In a desperate attempt to deny reality again, Kame pushed those thoughts aside and tried to make himself fall asleep again and he had almost succeeded when his alarm clock buzzed again after a ten minute snooze.
Reality was back and facing it again, Kame realized just why this decision had been the only one, no matter how bad he had felt all year. Finally opening his eyes he shut off the alarm completely this time, forcing himself out of bed, one foot after the other. He groaned, as he recalled today's schedule: early morning meeting with Masa, lectures, back to work for Masa, the last lectures of the day and back to Masa to prepare for the big finale of the day. It was a usual busy day apart from the end of it. Just thinking about it made Kame want to stay in bed.
He didn't want Masa to see him like this. The events of last night would probably be so evident on his face and he didn't want Masa to think he didn't have what it took to be his partner. He had tried so hard, why did Jin always have to get through to him and break him down?
His hair was messy and his eyes slightly puffy. It took him a little more than the usual hour to put on the broken mask again, but as he stepped out of the door no one would've guessed what real face the neat-looking boy hid behind his mask.
Every step felt forced, as he was going down a road he didn't want to be on. He didn't want to see it through despite the promised awards and the mask felt heavy to bear. He wondered whether it would fall apart on its own or if Jin would just rip it off him a second time. Inevitably, they would meet again today. At the most he had roughly 12 hours of the 24 hours left, but something told him he would see Jin sooner. Kame was tempted to get on the first train to Sapporo instead of the subway that took him to work.
He heaved a deep sigh as the car doors closed in front of him and the subway left the platform.
HeeChul wasn’t as good predicting the future as the redhead might’ve thought he was. It had been a year and the gangster’s prediction still hadn’t come true. The first few months Kame had spent in agony, torn between feeling once again dumped by Jin, who wasn't coming looking for him, and mad at Jin for that very reason, which had worked as his motivation to continue supporting Masa's plan. All awhile he had regretted his decision deeply. With every passing day Kame had grown surer and surer Jin had forgotten about him and that that part of HeeChul’s prediction had been right…
…
“The Sun card again.” HeeChul said over the loud music in the club and Kame looked a bit desperate, remembering how the same card had brought him bad fortune before. “Oh, don’t worry. This one isn’t reversed. Health, happiness, strength… That’s what I see in store for you.” HeeChul smiled. “Your fortune’s improved, Kame-chan.”
Though Kame had dreaded a dark future, he hadn't wanted to hear of a bright one as he had decided to leave Jin's side.
“You were right.” Kame said and HeeChul looked at him curiously. “You knew all along my relationship with Jin would end. It’s happening. You see so many good things in store for me, but I can’t see my future as that bright. I’m not even sure I should head down this road, I feel like I’ll regret it so much.”
Whatever there was still left between him and Jin would surely be lost if he proceeded in his current direction.
“I don’t see that in your cards. I see that you're on the right path.” HeeChul replied, saying more things Kame didn't want to hear. Truth to be told he had wanted to hear HeeChul say something along the lines of 'you're going down the wrong path if you go ahead with what you have in mind. Stop and turn back to the man you love for you will surely receive what you're expecting of him, all in good time.'
Instead the redhead continued, “This ending between you and Akanishi will bring good things into your life, both of your lives.”
Kame closed his eyes, wanting to close his ears too so he wouldn’t hear this. Jin would be better off without him too? Not only his life would improve if he walked out, but Jin's would too?
“You may not see it now, but you have something good waiting for you and it’s not something you can run away from. It’s your destiny to walk down this road just like it was your destiny to become Akanishi’s boy toy and his to fail as the heartbreaker he always was. You were bound to show him the one thing that was missing from his life, love. He will be a better and stronger person because of you and he will be happier.” HeeChul explained. “There are still some things you will have to deal with, but even if it’s not easy it will do you both good.”
Jin will be happy once he left? Does that mean Jin will fall in love with someone else? Someone who is more like Jin and can manage alone in his world? Kame was probably being selfish, but he hoped Jin wouldn’t fall in love with someone else after he had left. He wanted to be the only one Jin loved. He hated the thought of him introducing love to Jin’s life and Jin directing at someone else.
That desire pushed him throughout the one year he spent with Masa to develop skills - any skills - that could be useful in order to live in the gangsters’ blocks or even in prison. He practiced lock picking till his fingers were numb, not giving up until he learned how to do it. He had Masa teach him some basic grips and techniques in fighting. The little time he had between studying and working for Masa, he spent in the boxing gym.
He swore he’d show the gangsters what he could do, so that maybe they’d look upon him as something else than Jin’s former boy toy. Maybe then Jin would think he was fit to be his partner and show his true self again and love him. Unless of course Jin found happiness before that…
“You’ll understand one day, Kame-chan.” HeeChul assured with a warm expression on his face and not wanting to hear more Kame thanked the redhead and left…
…
What good had leaving Jin really brought him? He hadn't been happy, even if he had worked on the health and strength parts that could only improve, really.
You’ll see your fortune’s improved, Kame-chan. You’ll see everything happens for a reason.
Does everything really happen for a reason? Some things felt so unnecessary. Nothing had certainly improved between Jin and him. They had just fought more and continued to hurt each other, screwing up their perfectly screwed up relationship even more. The only good that Kame could see had come out of this all was that Jin stopped pretending to be someone he was not. After last night Kame was definitely left with the impression that Jin was not going to be pretending with him anymore.
He had left the fortune reading feeling depressed that time too, thinking that even the cards didn't regard Jin and him as meant to be. Maybe there was no such thing to begin with.
The car doors opened in front of him and he exited at his station, walking briskly for a few minutes before arriving at Johnny Kitagawa’s building. He felt like a traitor every time he entered, but amazingly enough Masa had always convinced him to come in also the next day…
…
“You’ll have to deceive him.” Masa instructed him. It hadn’t even been a week since Kame had first stepped foot inside Johnny Kitagawa’s main building and been introduced to his new job that Masa was already setting his plan in motion. The detective had the habit of going straight to the point of what he wanted from Kame, not wasting any time that Masa knew they had so little of. The detective wanted Kame to be ready. “You’ll have to lie to them all for this to work.”
“He’ll see me right through.” Kame said. If not Jin then Yamapi or someone else would figure him out. He was up against professional gangsters, swindlers and players. He didn’t stand a chance. “It’ll never work.”
“I'll show you how.” Masa offered.
A little afraid to ask, Kame voiced the question anyway, “What do you...want me to do?”
“The Johnnys are tricky bastards. They won’t make it easy for us to get to them. I’ve been after them for years, you have no idea the strings I had to pull to get them behind bars the last time, but now I finally have the best weapon of all.” Masa said, not missing the flash that went over Kame’s face, and he knew Kame’s initial reaction had been to warn the gangs. “You.” he added, watching Kame’s expression change and the boy eyed him clueless. “But we’ve got to remember that even if it’s our game we need to make sure we stay on top of it. We never know what they might think of and that’s why it’s good to have a mole among them. But more importantly they need something else to keep their minds occupied, a distraction...”
“You mean me?” Kame asked and Masa smiled.
“You’ll keep Akanishi’s attention on you and once he’s spending his every waking hour with you on his mind, that’ll create disturbances inside his gang and thus among the rest of them too. With him becoming unreliable, the gangs will have to keep their eyes on him too. Besides they will want to turn you over to their side just as badly, fearing what you know and dying to find out if there's something you have yet to tell me. Not to mention the things you could tell them about us.”
“How do you want me to distract them?” Kame asked when the answer was then so obvious to him and he added, “By sleeping with Jin?” Was he just good for the boy toy role here too? He had thought Masa had really needed him for other things. Maybe he had been foolish to imagine that someone would.
“You don’t have to sleep with Akanishi to mess with his head.” Masa replied and Kame was a little surprised by the answer. “In fact, by not sleeping with him you’ll probably mess him up even more. I know you love him, and I know when you two are alone together things have their way of getting out of hands, so I’m not going to forbid you to do it either if you’ll come to want to. Just as long as you don’t tell him the truth.”
It felt strange that Masa wasn’t standing in between them like the detective had been so far. Masa had always been trying to keep them apart, now it suddenly felt like the man actually accepted them. A bit too late, though.
“But you'll do well in seducing him.” Masa admitted. “To deceive a man...that can be all you need to do. Give him a bit of attention, which I'm sure Akanishi will be wanting from you.”
“I doubt it. He's probably enjoying being single again.” Kame mumbled, mostly for himself. He wondered, since Jin hadn't come looking for him, how long would it take until he was completely forgotten too? Would Jin even be attracted to him anymore if he waved himself in front of the leader? Kame could just imagine his own humiliation. “I can't seduce him.” he admitted. “I don't...even know how to seduce someone.”
Masa's smile alone made him feel humiliated enough. “Kame-chan, you just need to show up.” Kame looked at him sharply, not sure if he was supposed to feel offended or flattered and Masa continued, “I'm sure you'll think of something.”
“I can't.” Kame admitted again, more humiliated this time. “My body... I don't have control over it. When he touches me, I go off. I can't control myself, let alone seduce him.”
“You're afraid of going up against him, aren't you?”
At first Kame didn't answer. “I’ll...react. I can’t stay emotionless around him. He’ll do something and I’ll react to it and he’ll read me through.”
“That’s good. You can react. It will only encourage him to squeeze more out of you and while he does that you’ll lead him down the wrong path.” Masa said. “And if you move away from his touch, you'll still control him because he knows it's his fault you react the way you do. While again if you move closer he won’t be thinking anything at all…”
Kame didn't reply. He didn't want to use either his or Jin's weaknesses against each other.
“You don't have to be afraid of Akanishi Jin.” Masa assured. “No matter how much you taunt him, he will never hurt you. He’s not even playing with all he’s got, meaning he is actually vulnerable right now and especially to you. And should he still manage to get too close or should you feel like you’re losing control over yourself then you can always use the past as a weapon against him. He’ll back off at least then.”
“I don’t want to hurt him. He’s suffered enough already because of me.” Kame said, remembering the first time he had seen tears run down Jin’s face, which was actually the first time he had realized that Jin suffered too more than he had ever known.
“You’re the one still getting hurt.” Masa said, taking Kame’s side again. “Aren’t you the one trying to love the person, who practically raped you? Where is he now? Why isn’t he trying more? It’s only natural he should regret what he’s done, but he shouldn’t give up until he’s earned your forgiveness.”
Kame didn't answer and didn't meet his eyes, and Masa knew he was pushing on a bit too strongly.
“Listen, Akanishi’s only weakness is you.” the detective continued, backing off a few steps and changing the tone in his voice to a softer one. “He won’t hurt you and he’ll protect others from attacking you too. To take him out all you need to do is remind him of what he did to you. It’s weighing on him as it is, so if you shoot that at him he won’t be able to defeat you.”
How would he be able to do that to Jin? “He is my weakness.”
“Then remember why you’re doing this.”
“I don’t even know if it’s the right thing.”
“I think you do know, but you left your heart with him.”
“He’s been paying for what he did to me all this time, trying to make it up to me.” Kame insisted. “He’s not like the master anymore, he’s changed. He’s-”
“He’s changed into this perfect boyfriend? Is that how he’s making it up to you? By becoming someone else instead of facing you directly? That’s not taking responsibility.” Masa said. “And what about the others he hurt? He’s not doing anything for them, is he? Besides he’s not the only one among those gangs to have hurt someone like you.”
Kame didn’t say anything, but Masa could tell Kame’s thoughts had gone off to the other boys he had met in prison such as wFL. Even if Kame could forgive Jin there was no guarantee the other so-called boy toys would and that was what Masa would keep reminding Kame of.
The detective crouched down beside his chair. “Are you really just going to fall back into his arms the next time you see him? He’s going to want you back over to his side, so his efforts will be entirely on that. Don’t just let him have it his way again. Keep him at a distance. And maybe he’ll understand then what it feels like when someone you love shuts you out. It will do him good to know.”
Kame didn’t know what to say. Meanwhile Masa was scheming the recapture of the Johnnys, the detective was knowingly or not also helping Kame with every word he spoke - harsh or not, but always what felt like the truth. It was beginning to make Kame be able to look himself in the mirror a little longer by every passing day. A self-confidence like his that had secretly always been low despite what he let out, had been severely bruised by the one person he had loved and was now starting to heal thanks to that person’s enemy. Kame was glad if he made sense out of anything at all in this situation and yet he was beginning to see things about himself more clearly than ever before. He was even beginning to finally be able to accept what he saw in his own reflection, everything he was including the weak and bad sides of him because he finally thought that wasn’t all he had. Masa’s support was doing that to him and it was making him want to give his support to Masa, wanting to believe the detective had truly changed and was trying to do the right thing.
“Think about everyone you’ll be saving by working with me. You know who’s partially to blame for what happened to Yamapi, don’t you? His family dying and him ending up on the street…” Masa continued and Kame remembered all the gory details he had read in the files Masa kept on each of the Johnnys. Behind Mikimoto there had been Johnny Kitagawa himself, responsible for so many other Johnnys’ miseries too. No wonder the gangs hated that man. “The gangsters’ circle is growing as we speak. This year yet again the gangs acknowledged a group of seven young men as one of their so-called debuted gangs. And do you know how they debut? You have to steal something from Johnny, from this very building that holds the most important information on Johnny Kitagawa. It’s his biggest building and his pride, which is exactly why the Johnnys target this place. Some gangs even joke that a gang truly graduates when its members have been to prison. More and more delinquents join them. Some are not even in high school yet. If you work with me, if you help me capture the leading gangs then you will be able to gain a position where you can make a difference. You could stop kids, who could have a real future, from ending up on those streets. The life there is harsher than you can ever imagine and most of them end up there alone, doing god knows what to prove themselves and to create alliances and finally form a gang. Akanishi, too, has gone a long way to get to position he is in today, but that also means he has a reputation to uphold, the very one he was protecting when pushing you away. It never ends, Kame-chan.”
Kame knew he had damaged Jin’s reputation by simply being around Jin. He wondered what his sudden absence had caused it.
Masa stood up, satisfied with the look upon Kame’s face that told him his words had had an impact on the younger one and that Kame was carefully considering them. Kame’s weakness may be Akanishi Jin and his buddies, but Kame had other weaknesses too. Studying Kame’s life in prison, Masa had seen a boy toy willing to defy the hand that fed him in order to save someone else. Kame felt a strong desire to help those in need and that often left Kame defenceless himself.
“You could’ve ended up on the streets yourself, you know, if you had stayed with the gangs.” Masa said then and Kame raised his gaze to meet Masa’s. “I saved you from that life. Now you will be able to see your family, because I know you would never have been able to look them in the eyes living like a gangster, destroying the society they are a part of. Not to mention the risks you would have put them through just by seeing them. That’s why so few gangsters do. Not that many aren’t discarded by their families when turning to crime, leaving them no way back to society. Akanishi and his friends can’t turn back anymore. They’re in too deep. They’ve crossed too many lines and if you want to help them, then there’s only one way for you to do that. There’s only one way for them to earn their families’ forgiveness.”
Prison, Kame thought. Redemption. Was there really no other future for the gangsters? If made to choose between prison and the streets, there was no question which one they would choose.
“Sooner or later Johnny will catch them again.” Masa added. “But by then our chance will be lost and the gangsters’ outcome still the same. Johnny is growing in power and the gangsters are the only thing he fears. He wants them out of his way.”
“But if I go through with this…if I put them back in prison…then Jin and I will never be together. I’ll lose him for sure.” Kame said. “If I haven't already...” Some part of him was sure he already had.
“Sometimes you can be surprised how long people will wait for you and how much they’ll be able to forgive.” Masa said and somehow those words brought Kame comfort, seeing as there was truth behind what Masa had said. Maybe he and Masa were quite alike in the end.
…
Kame ate the rice ball he had bought at a convenience store on his way along with some coffee. He had no idea how he could still eat rice balls after those he had had in prison for two years. Maybe the haunting image of prison was exactly why he suddenly felt a craving for them again.
Finishing his quick breakfast, Kame stopped outside the door to Masa’s office. He closed his eyes for a second, gathering himself before entering…
…
His hand shook a little as he put away his phone after having mailed Masa, telling the detective that he and their lawyer had arrived. The walk there seemed so fast and anxiety grew inside of him.
Kame had to breathe in hard before entering the room he knew Jin was in. This wasn’t going to be easy. He wondered if Jin had changed. He had kept an eye on the leader, but he still felt so nervous. He wondered if he would be able to hide his feelings or if his face would betray him the second he stepped in. Maybe this had been a really bad idea and Masa would come to regret asking him for help.
He stole an anxious glance at his golden ring and then he remembered the promise he had once made himself. This ring was the one piece he has of Jin and the one proof that no matter what happens from here on in that time and that place that he had with Jin will never disappear. Somehow those thoughts comforted him.
Despite Jin giving it to him as a symbol of ownership and submission, to him it symbolised love, but Jin was not here today because of love, Jin was here on business. Jin didn't have a clue where he was and Kame was about to walk in on him, revealing his betrayal.
Tightening his hand around his ring he entered the room with the lawyer.
There were three of them there; Yamapi, Ohno and Jin. The gangsters, who could pull of such remarkable schemes, were caught by surprise as he showed up there. Obviously none of them had kept tag on him. Masa and him had only made minimal attempts to hide his involvement with Johnny, Jin could’ve easily found out about it had Jin been even the slightest bit interested in what had happened to him after their farewell in Korea, but obviously Jin had moved on pretty fast.
It made Kame feel bitter, but it also made it easier for him to remain distant and he took his seat without meeting Jin’s eyes. The bitterness inside him made him want to help Masa, if it meant Jin would feel even slightly stung about it. Jin hadn’t tried to look him up at all and them meeting each other here was just because of what Kame and Masa had done. Jin had come to meet Johnny, not him. Jin was on a case, not looking for him. It was as if Jin had truly forgotten about him.
Masa had been right. It frustrated Kame and made him act colder whenever he had to be face to face with Jin. Jin suddenly became so interested in having him back onto his side, putting so much effort into it, and Kame knew a big reason behind that was that the gangs wanted to know everything Kame knew about the case and about Masa and Johnny. It made him fume inside. He even tried to find hate inside him towards Jin - something that could help him uphold his role, but all he found was disappointment and sorrow.
He wouldn’t let Jin push him around this time. He wouldn’t just fall into Jin’s arms and he wouldn’t budge when Jin wanted him out of the way. He had let Jin rule his life for too long. He had let Jin convince him he couldn’t handle the past. Ever since prison Jin had kept waiting for Kame to ‘snap out of it’ and have a nervous breakdown. But Kame had for the most part simply forgotten about the events of the first few nights in prison until Jin had partly caused him to mentally fall into pieces by acting as if a breakdown was inevitably going to happen. Kame wondered if it still had been the inevitable outcome had Jin been able to forget too.
Their problems would’ve been so easily solved by a simple “I’m sorry” and “I forgive you”, but Jin never managed to say that and instead assumed his actions couldn’t be forgiven. Until Jin could overcome that Kame would not let anything happen between them. He would do as Masa had advised and keep his feelings in control until Jin would realize that by trying to avoid their problem nothing would be solved. So far Jin had only made it worse, pushing him away like last night’s fuck while thinking it was the best solution for Kame. It had only deepened the hurt.
Yet the more he met Jin appearing emotionless in front of Jin turned out to be harder than he could ever have imagined. It was fine to stick to his role, even if Jin knew he was just upholding one, and so that’s what he chose to do. Jin wouldn’t know the reason why he acted this way unless he faltered and knowing what the man he had to face was capable of he couldn’t take the mask off for even a second.
It would’ve tasted a lie to say he didn’t want to show Jin what he could do. After everything he had learned from Masa over the past year he had prayed for an opportunity to show Jin what he could do. And it was finally there…
…
“Morning, Kame.” Masa greeted him, of course being there when he entered the room.
“Good morning.” Kame replied, taking a seat by his desk, feeling Masa eye him curiously, obviously noticing something was up. Why did the detective have to be such a…detective?
“You okay?” Masa asked, coming over to him and Kame tried to appear preoccupied with anything he had on his desk.
“I’m fine.” he replied, hoping their discussion would end there, but he knew better than that.
“What happened?” Masa asked, sitting down on the edge of his desk and Kame gave up trying to pretend to be interested in what he held in his hands.
“I couldn’t control him.” Kame confessed, laying the papers down. “I said what you told me to say, I said horrible things to him, but he just brushed it off this time, it didn't have the slightest effect on him and then he…”
Masa could figure out the rest by himself.
“I can’t see him again.” Kame said. “I need to sort my head out.”
The younger one was completely thrown off his game. So Akanishi Jin was finally back. It wouldn’t be easy to steal Kame from him now, but luckily Masa didn’t have to anymore. They were so close to sealing Akanishi's fate and locking him away somewhere out of reach and influence over Kame.
Masa laid a hand on Kame’s shoulder and Kame finally met his eyes.
“You have nothing to fear regarding Akanishi Jin. You never had.” Masa comforted. “He’ll do anything for you, believe me I know. He’ll even go to prison for you.”
“I’m a danger to this operation.” Kame replied. “I have to pull out.”
But Masa knew Kame simply wanted a reason to pull out more than he wanted to save this operation.
“There’s nowhere you can run that he won’t find.” Masa said, feeling the shoulder under him stiffen at that and Kame gave him a desperate look. “You know that. You just need to calm down, that’s all.”
Kame didn’t respond, but tried to take Masa’s advice.
“Do you regret leaving him?” Masa asked then. “Do you regret becoming involved in this?”
“No, it’s not…that.” Kame attempted to lie, but the truth was so obvious on his face. Masa could see Kame wasn’t going to be able to keep this up for much longer. They were lucky they could end it tonight. “I can’t stand this anymore. I can’t keep pretending that I don’t love him. He saw me through from the start just like I knew he would. He knows me too well.”
“But you’ve lasted all this time. You just need to hold on for one more night. After tonight it’ll all be over.” Masa encouraged.
“I don’t want to go through with it.” Kame confessed, a little afraid of how Masa would react hearing his words. “I don’t know…if it’s the right thing to do.”
“It’s the only way and you know it too.” Masa replied. “You can’t stop now, we’re so close. Remember what they have done, what they’ve done to you and to so many others. They can’t be let off that easily. It’s not right. We need them, Kame-chan. There are bigger things at stake here.”
It was the same thing Masa had repeatedly told him over the past year.
“Let’s end this together, the way we agreed.” Masa urged and Kame’s gaze fell to the floor, but Masa was persistent, “Everything is already moving. The bait is ready. We'll lead them to where we want them and then you finish them, okay?”
Despite how many times Kame had said Jin couldn’t change his mind Kame’s mind was changing. Jin had still affected his judgement and Kame didn’t want to bring Jin down, afraid something might go terribly wrong in the process that he didn’t even want to go through with.
Kame slowly nodded, not sure if he had done it because he agreed with Masa or if he had done it so that Masa would leave him alone for a while. Either way he got his wish as Masa gave his shoulder a pat, laying his eyes on someone he had been expecting.
Kame already knew who that person was as he turned to watch Masa walk over to a waiting Miyavi by the open office door. The two of them exchanged a few words. Judging from the expression on Masa’s face things were going according to plan. Kame didn’t know how Miyavi would ever dare to show himself in front of the Johnnys again, but the guy had a lot of guts and the wits to match it. That’s why Kame had thought of him in the first place…
…
“We need a bait. Can you think of anyone fit for the job?” Masa asked and despite how Kame hated the idea of getting anyone else involved, the image of Miyavi came to mind. Miyavi had always been cunning and fearless of the Johnnys. And even better, Miyavi had been a Johnny’s boy toy and according to Masa that held a certain unknown power over the Johnnys - probably the same the detective kept insisting he had over Jin and the rest.
Either way a while later Kame found himself going clubbing, visiting club after club until he located the infamous man.
“Me?” Was Miyavi’s first reaction followed by a short laughter. “Why would you ask for my help? I tried to get you thrown out of Akanishi’s cell in prison in order to take your place. I even used your family to threaten you. Why would you trust me?”
“Because you're the best man for the job.” Kame replied over the thumping noise in the club, eyes falling to the other man’s tattoos then. “And I believed you when you said you wanted to find yourself. I think you can do that by helping others.”
“And you need help deceiving the Johnnys?” Miyavi concluded, leaning back against the counter on his bar chair. “It’s not exactly the kind of road I had in mind when telling you my deepest desire in life, but it sounds interesting enough. I’m in, Kame-chan.”
And then the beautiful man shone him an equally playful smile Miyavi sent him now, as Kame approached Masa and him now standing in the corridor just outside the office.
“Hey, Kame-chan. Got a message for your boyfriend? I’m heading over there soon.”
Kame was tempted to tell Miyavi something that Jin would read as a warning, but how he would deceive both Miyavi and Masa in the process was a problem he couldn’t overcome.
“After this you should stay far away from the Johnny's blocks for a while.” Masa said and Miyavi shrugged.
“Who’s there to stay away from when they’ll all be in prison? I can take care of myself.” Miyavi replied. “Well then, I’ll be off. Until we meet again, Kame-chan.” the man said with a wink before taking his leave, his movements as he walked down the corridor didn’t betray the slightest nervousness that Kame surely would be feeling if he was in the other man’s shoes.
“Kame-chan, you’re here!” familiar voices called next.
As a personal army Kame had turned to wFL next. Masa had wanted them to infiltrate the lay judge positions in order to assure the victory of their case. By placing them there Masa had also created the illusion that made the Johnnys think they stood a chance at winning the trial, which was impossible considering Miyavi was their ally. But Masa wasn’t very trusting and since it was Miyavi it was best not to trust him too much and have a backup plan in case anything would go wrong.
“I want to personally thank you all for responding to my request for aid and for helping me out.” Kame said giving them a deep bow.
“As you said we would, we did enjoy this. And it did even the score a bit, if only a little.” Seigo said.
“Never had we thought a boy toy of Akanishi's would have the nerve to do something like this to his former master.” Yu added. “In a way it felt as if you did it for all of us.”
Kame had.
“His new pretty boy toy, who had absolutely no idea how things worked in prison...refused his needs for two nights and was then the most rebellious boy toy he has ever had, remarkably escaping punishment after punishment...kicked out and taken back in and then freed and rewarded the position of an ally...but most importantly the boy toy, who stole his heart.” Seigo said, recalling roughly Kame’s whole history in prison. “You've accomplished a lot, Kame-chan. In your own way you've honoured all of us who share the fate you met in prison.”
Kame wasn't sure he agreed.
“I was wrong.” Hiroki said then and Kame met his eyes inquiringly. “I told you once that a boy toy could never have the power to make his master vulnerable no matter how long his master kept him, but you proved me wrong. I didn't realize then how madly in love with you he was...and still is.”
“He would've crushed you by now otherwise.” Yusuke agreed and Kame’s attention turned to the former boy toys gathered there, who hadn’t received the same amount of attention from Akanishi Jin. If either one of them had, he would never have been placed in Jin’s cell.
“What was it like...being Akanishi's boy toy?” Kame asked them. He had never wanted to ask, never wanted to know, but something still drove him to ask this very question as maybe it would help him see why he had gone from the usual part-time to a full-time boy toy.
“Well, Kame-chan,” Lead’s Keita said hesitantly, “you should know.”
“I meant, how did he...treat you?” Kame forced himself to ask. “What did he do to you?”
All men targeted seemed to fall silent for a moment, memories they hadn't recalled for a while rushing through their minds.
“He was never ruthless, as you know yourself...” Yu said.
“But he always took advantage of every opportunity...” Seigo pointed out.
“And he made you feel like you've never felt before, even though the situation didn't allow you to feel very proud of those emotions...” Hiroki muttered, sworn to never get over the humiliation he suffered when Jin sent out the ‘invitation’ to his cell. Kame had gathered that it wasn’t so much the sex that bothered Hiroki as the fact that Jin made him a boy toy by status, but judging from Hiroki’s current statement Jin seemed to have gotten under the Lead member’s skin in other areas too.
All were familiar feelings, Kame noted, striving to hear them out with a straight face as he had asked for this himself.
“It was very impersonal. I never once saw his face.” Yu continued.
“He never slept over in my bed.” Seigo said.
“He only seemed mildly interested in his every potential boy toy’s personality during the short chase before his victory until you lost and submitted to your fate. Thereafter he hardly even said my name.” Yu added.
“We never spoke. He just sometimes gave orders...both in bed and outside it.” Lead’s Keita said and added, “We certainly never hung out.”
Kame frowned. He had never really been ordered to do something in bed. He had almost expected to be, but since Jin never really did he hadn’t known what to do.
“Did he ever...” Kame started, eyes meeting all of theirs in turn. His fingertips subconsciously danced over his lips as he added, “kiss you?”
He received shaking heads in response. “Not once.”
Kame felt slightly bad for being so relieved. Jin had treated his former boy toys like mere toys, never rewarding them with any extra attention or affection, and Kame shouldn't like hearing that, but he did. He felt guilty admitting it, but jealousy won over that guilt.
“Are you really going to make Akanishi pay for his sins?” Hiroki asked, as Kame had no more questions. “Believe me, when he first humiliated me into accepting the role of a boy toy I personally wanted to hurt him somehow, but there really is no payment that would be fair except for him falling for one of his boy toys and lowering himself beneath said toy.”
“And that already happened.” Yusuke added.
“You were the one he loved, but because you were his boy toy for such a long time you were also the one he humiliated the most. Your name became known to every prisoner and it was tied to his, as his boy toy. It set you in danger too. Even now years after you’re still the infamous boy toy.” Hiroki continued. “But I can’t be convinced you’re doing this out of revenge.”
“At least not your own.” Hisato pointed out.
“You don’t have to do it for us either.” Seigo said. “Nothing will change the past.”
Kame hated to say the following, as the words felt more like Masa’s than his own, “It doesn’t mean he shouldn’t pay.”
“You love him, yet you intend to make him suffer?” Ryuichi said. “Kame-chan, that isn't like you.”
“We're concerned for you. You're not acting like yourself.” Tachibana Keita added.
“And who is that? Jin's boy toy? The loyal fool, who would do anything for his master?” Kame asked. “This has to be done. Masa and I are very grateful of your help.”
“One boy toy to another.” Seigo said in what sounded half-serious and half like a joke, though Kame couldn’t see how that kind of a matter could be joked about so easily. Maybe the former boy toys were already well on their ways moving on from their pasts. Kame sure hoped that was the case.
Giving them a last bow, Kame took his leave before the earlier discussion could continue.
“Masa’s got quite a hold on him now.” Akira said, as they watched Kame leave. “I’ve never seen anyone with such influence over Kame-chan, except for Akanishi, of course.”
“I think he sees Masa as someone like him, but Masa has a very dangerous side. He can be more cunning than Miyavi when he wants to.” the group member Keita agreed. “I just hope Kame-chan knows what he’s doing and that Masa won’t double-cross him in the end.”
“Yeah, someone should go after him. I think he’s out swimming in too deep waters again.” Yusuke commented.
“Only this time there’s a storm coming up and that isn’t just Arashi…” his brother agreed.
“That someone will be me.” Tachibana Keita said, hurrying after Kame. He caught him by the elevators, cutting off the other boy’s path, and opened his mouth, but Kame beat him to it, as if already knowing what was on his mind.
“No, Keita, I will not abandon this mission that has been given to me.” Kame said. “Masa relies on me. I can't betray him for something so selfish as my feelings for Jin.”
“What about Akanishi’s feelings for you?” Keita asked and Kame had to smile a bit, but it made him look more miserable than happy. “I know that you’re thinking about us while going through with this, but putting those guys back in prison won’t change anything. They will not redeem, they’ll just find new boy toys. You keep telling yourself that it’s the right thing to do, but I don’t think that’s how you truly feel.”
“You're even more persistent than before.” Kame noted.
“I still take after you, learning by watching the best.” Keita replied.
“Jin already showed how he feels about me when he let me walk.” Kame said, attempting to cut the conversation off there and get on the elevator with the doors opening, but he should've known he wouldn't let himself get away if he was in Keita’s shoes right now.
“You know there were issues.” Keita insisted and the elevator doors shut close again.
“There always will be. Question is just if they're issues we can overcome.” Kame said, equally stubborn. He pushed the button again, calling for a new lift.
“From what I can see he already is doing that.” Keita said and Kame was taken aback. “I know that look on your face. You had a similar expression when I first met you in prison. Remember how persistent he was at having you then? Why should that have changed now?”
“Well, then I guess he will be able to handle anything I put in his way.” Kame shot back, but his comeback was countered easily.
“Yes, he will.” Keita replied simply and the elevator made a sound, doors opening again and this time Kame climbed in, but before the doors could close again Keita reached out and held the doors open. “Even if you put him in prison, he will get out and come for you. You won't be able to run or hide this time either. No alliances will be able to keep you safe from him. But I still want you to know, now that I have proven I will stand between you and him, that you always have allies with us.”
Kame studied him silently and a smile formed on Keita’s lips.
“You've played it smart so far, Kamenashi-kun. You’ve listened to Masa’s reason. Isn't it about time you do something stupid soon?” Keita suggested.
Kame really didn't need the encouragement. He was already fighting back the urges to do something very stupid.
Having said all he wanted to say Keita released the door, holding Kame’s gaze until the doors shut and Kame was left him standing alone in the empty elevator, though for the first time he knew he was not really alone. Masa, too, had made him feel like he finally had an ally. Maybe because Masa had gone through something similar in the past and it made Kame feel they were almost on the same level with each other. He hadn’t thought that when first going away with Masa, but little by little Masa had made him feel better about himself and he had begun to think that they were truly partners.
But now that they already could see the end of their journey Kame was beginning to doubt everything more than he had over the past year. Masa had succeeded in making him stay, though truthfully they both knew it was only because Jin hadn’t come to get him back. Now Kame had conflicting thoughts about everything. He doubted this plan, he doubted his involvement and he doubted his partner in crime. Was Masa really going to keep his end of the bargain?
Kame shook his head and the elevator let out a sound, doors opening before him again. Keeping those thoughts at a distance in his mind Kame went to class, but not even five minutes after it had started those same doubts returned to him.
No, he told himself, he could trust Masa. He knew he could. Masa had provided him with proof of that.
Turning his attention back to the lecture another five minutes passed until the lulling sound of his professor speaking actually caused him to nod off.
After a quick and rather intense continuance of the dream he had had this morning, Kame woke up in a start, realizing he was still in the middle of the same lecture. This had never happened to him before! Lectures had taken his mind off Jin and he had absorbed himself with knowledge in an attempt to stop thinking about Jin, but as soon as he closed his eyes Jin was there again. The dream kept coming back.
Kame rubbed his eyes after a second nod off. He obviously couldn’t concentrate today, so instead he turned his gaze out the window.
He had almost expected seeing Jin standing outside, waiting for him like Jin had done when he had first started his studies in Todai. Kame wondered if Jin was going to show up on campus today. It was actually thrilling not to know and his heart raced as the clock rang, indicating the lecture had ended. He walked over the campus with his eyes wide open and tried to ignore the fact that part of him wanted Jin to show up, despite last night.
It was lunch break, but he only had time to grab a lunch box with him that he ate on the way back to Johnny’s main building. He had the next period free and Masa and he were meeting a very important person today, but a person he despised very much.
~*~*~*~
part 2
I'm enjoying Japan as much as I can ^^ I have two months of break from uni now, but still one essay to finish XD, and I've been thinking of going traveling and then breaking my heart in March by going to see the five member KAT-TUN (KUNTT heheh, that never gets old! XD) and cry like I did during Jin's solo con. But I really love Birth ^^ Saw countdown in Osaka this year. Too bad eito was seben, but Uchi came on the screen at one point so I was happy ^^ I'll probably post a report of T&T, TegoMasu and K8 when I can. I will probably not be so much at home for now if I go traveling.
For those who don't want to read my babbling about Japan, please scroll down to the chap ^^
For those who do, I'd like to give some advice about being a Westerner in Japan, because from time to time I have to check up things myself online. So a tip that comes to mind: for those of you who suffer from sensitive skin, like me, Japanese Hada Labo skin care works quite well. ^^ Also for those interested in BB Creams (though I heard one actually made it to Finland?! Wtf! We don't even have starbucks - yet! or KFC or Burger King or 7-eleven etc. and we get BB Cream? Not that I'm complaining ^^) Missha's light color works on my skin and is so far the best foundation I've ever used. But Maybeline here has BB Cream too and even some suiting Western skin colors. Anyway, if you're wondering about something then ask and I'll see if I can answer ^^ I'm going to miss so much in Japan! I'm crazy about the clothes I've bought here too XD Why can't Finland have more cute clothes too?
And to the mega-ass long chap that is over 56 pages on my word - Arial font 10 with single space. I've had so much trouble with this chap, because I took it with me from Finland on both the outer hard drive and a memory stick. When starting to write on it again I got confused which one I had been writing on and ended up having two different versions of it XD; I hope I was able to make some sense of it and I hope it won't be a disappointment to you readers, who have faithfully waited yet so many months for my turtle speed update. Now that I finally have something to bribe with I can reply to your lovely comments ^^ Thank you and I hope you'll enjoy the update! I'm working on the next one, but depending on how I'm at home it might take a while for me to reply and finish the next one. Anyway, here it is;
Title: In his Care
Chapter: 84/86
Pairings: Akame, TxT, KinKi Kids, TomaPi, RyoUchi, YunJae and many more.
Fandoms: JE, wFL, random Jboys, random Kboys and hints of tenimyu and dramas
Rating: NC-17
Warnings: please pay attention to possible extra warnings (e.g. spoiler warnings) posted at each chap, overall warnings for non-con, violence and language.
Summary: AU. Kame's two years in prison and his life after that. In this chapter Kame flashbacks a lot ^^ in other words it's time for Kame's pov...
[Phase one] Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3 Chapter 4 Chapter 5 Chapter 6 Chapter 7 Chapter 8 Chapter 9 Chapter 10 Chapter 11 Chapter 12 Chapter 13 Chapter 14 Chapter 15 Chapter 16 Chapter 17 Chapter 18 Chapter 19 Chapter 20 Chapter 21
[Phase two] Chapter 22 Chapter 23 Chapter 24 Chapter 25 Chapter 26 Chapter 27 Chapter 28 Chapter 29 Chapter 30 Chapter 31 Chapter 32 Chapter 33 Chapter 34 Chapter 35 Chapter 36 Chapter 37 Chapter 38 Chapter 39 Chapter 40 Chapter 41 Chapter 42 Chapter 43 Chapter 44 Chapter 45 Chapter 46 Chapter 47
[Phase three] Chapter 48 Chapter 49 Chapter 50 Chapter 51 Chapter 52 Chapter 53 Chapter 54 Chapter 55 Chapter 56 Chapter 57 Chapter 58 Chapter 59 Chapter 60 Chapter 61 Chapter 62 Chapter 63 Chapter 64 Chapter 65 Chapter 66 Chapter 67 Chapter 68 Chapter 69 Chapter 70 Chapter 71 Chapter 72 Chapter 73 Chapter 74 Chapter 75 Chapter 76 Chapter 77 Chapter 78 Chapter 79
[Phase four] Chapter 80 Chapter 81 Chapter 82 Chapter 83
Thank you Cata for correcting all my brain farts and other typos in this looooong chap! When reading through your corrections I once again thought to myself 'what would I do without my other half? I'd be in deep trouble!' <3
Chapter 84
Clothes fell to the floor as he rushed between the wardrobe and the open bag on his bed. He couldn’t possibly take everything with him and make it out in time. He only had 24 hours, but Kame preferred to be out long before nightfall.
Grabbing his bag, he left his Todai apartment and hurried out onto the campus, crossing it in quick steps. There was still an hour before nightfall, but the sky was already turning darker.
He took the subway and changed at Ueno to a shinkansen train. He chose the first one that was leaving and ended up on a night train bound for Sapporo. As the train left the station, Kame breathed out in relief, but the journey had only begun. A few hours from now, as the 24 hours were up, the chase would begin. It was useless to turn to Masa or Johnny now. It was probably useless to run too.
Finding his bunk, Kame laid his heavy bag aside and stretched out. He wasn’t hungry. He hadn’t been able to eat since last night and his heart was still beating faster than usually. On top of it he hadn’t slept at all and it was beginning to have its effect. Finding a comfortable position Kame dozed off the minute he closed his eyes, becoming unaware of everything happening around him. But only a few hours into the ride he suddenly woke up in a start.
He wasn’t alone anymore. There was someone nearby. The drape was still pulled shut so he couldn’t see who, but the quickening of his heartbeat and breath told him he already knew. Pulling the drape slowly aside, he was met by the empty hallway. There was no one in sight and the only sound he heard was coming from the train.
Then he realized where the presence was hiding.
Climbing out of his bunk, Kame slowly pulled aside the drape of the bunk above his.
“Nice try.” the figure in the upper bed greeted him, an intense look in his eyes as he turned his head to stare into Kame’s eyes. One arm rested lazily behind the man’s head. “You didn’t really think you’d get away, did you?”
Kame just stared back for a while shaking his head then and the other man chuckled.
“Did you really wait 24 hours before coming after me?” Kame asked, speaking at last. It was impossible since the train had left Tokyo before the time was up.
Jin sent him a grin. “I might’ve cheated a little.”
Impatient as always, Kame thought, watching Jin extend a hand to him, a gesture that clearly told him to join the other man in the upper bunk. Without much hesitation Kame climbed up the stairs leading to it and Jin sat up.
“Why Hokkaido?” Jin complained. “It’s cold there. You should’ve chosen a flight to Okinawa instead.”
You just want sex on the beach, Kame thought, refraining from saying it out loud, but it seemed Jin had still heard him. Sometimes it was as if Jin read his mind, even though Jin claimed it was his body language he read.
The extended hand caught him by the waist, pulling him further into the bunk and onto its mattress while the other hand closed the drape again. Jin hovered on top of him, studying his face and reading something only Jin and the gods knew what.
“You’re not making any resistance.” Jin murmured, keeping his voice down as there were people sleeping in the area. “Counting on me hitting the brakes for you this time too?”
“No.” Kame replied. “Not this time.”
“Why not?” Jin asked.
“Because there’s no stopping you when you want something.” Kame replied.
“In that case you could’ve spared me the trip and just waited for me at your apartment.” Jin said and Kame shook his head.
“Just because you always get it your way doesn’t mean I’ll make it easy for you.” Kame said and a smile appeared on Jin’s face, a familiar love for challenges mixed into it. As Jin’s head lowered closer to his Kame could see a trace of warmth too in the eyes of the ex-player.
He would never admit it to Jin, but maybe he did like being the prey. It meant he would be chased and sought up if he disappeared. He would be missed and wanted by someone, who would cross many lines to get him. He wished Jin had let his player-side been more dominating during the majority of their relationship. Maybe then they wouldn’t have ended up in such a mess.
But no matter how dominant Jin always was, he loved the way Jin lost control the closer the leader got to him. He hadn’t noticed it as Jin’s boy toy, but thanks to Masa he was slowly starting to realize he wasn’t, and had never been, completely powerless in his relationship with Jin.
Kame shut his eyes as he felt Jin’s lips against his skin.
He liked this Jin better. He liked how Jin swept away with him and he doubted even Jin could tell how much he had wanted this to be the result of his sudden journey. He hadn’t wanted to get away. He had made the best attempt at it and expected the likes of Jin to be able to keep up with him. He was as satisfied with the result of this short chase as Jin was.
Grabbing Jin by the neck firmly, he guided Jin’s lips from his neck to his mouth instead, kissing the other man deeply while his fingers slipped into Jin’s hair.
He was ready to give up everything now and tell Jin the whole story. Jin knew it too, but the leader didn’t seem in the slightest interested in asking right now, which suited Kame just fine. They could talk later. And they would talk later. He would not let go of Jin now that he finally had a good grip on the man. This time their relationship would work out both in and outside of bed. He had waited a year for an opportunity like this, praying that they would eventually end up like this again. Since Jin had made the effort to seek him up tonight, he would seek Jin up if he woke up in Sapporo alone. Nothing Jin could say or do, no matter how painful, would push him away this time. He was going to have all of Jin, starting right now…
…
The annoying sound of the alarm clock broke into Kame’s wonderful dream. For a short moment he thought it might be Maru, using his amazing vocal skills to mimic the sounds of an alarm clock, which was one of the ways Maru had woken him and Jin up plenty of times in prison. He forced himself to believe Jin had taken the gang with him and they were lying in their own bunks on the train, where Maru was bored and had started making sound effects for himself. For that brief moment he was confused as he reached out to find nothing, no heat anywhere. The bed was cold around him. That's when he accepted the cruelness of reality and still refusing to open his eyes he silenced the noisy alarm clock and continued to just lie in his previous position.
Mixed in with the growing annoyance his alarm clock had caused him, the emotions in his dream were still hurling inside of him. He missed Jin now just as badly as he had that last night in Korea, when he had known what the next morning would bring. He hadn't wanted to leave without being that close to Jin again at least for one last time and so as his longing had won over his fear of closeness. It was just like he had missed Jin in prison when he had been left behind, thinking he’d never see Jin again. But their paths had continued to cross, even though they had always failed to walk down one together.
During this moment of weakness and denial, Kame wondered yet again if the decision he had made a year ago was the right one, regretting it once more. He had done many stupid things in the past, mostly in prison where he had disobeyed and broken direct orders from Jin as a boy toy, but all of those more or less stupid decisions he hadn't regretted. Apart from getting himself sent to prison, this was the one thing he regretted deeply and that didn't feel right by him. This time he wanted to go back in time and change something. What exactly he wanted to change he wasn't sure, but he wanted the outcome to be different. Maybe he should have stood his ground more when Jin had pushed him away.
His mind rewound back to his dream, concluding this wasn’t the first time he had enjoyed such pleasant dreams about Jin. This whole year he had barely seen one nightmare, but repeated the last night in Korea in his dreams instead over and over again. Not even the appearance of his master, former or not so former, had been able to chase away those dreams and this morning like every morning before he had woken up feeling lonely.
Unintentionally, his mind wandered back to that night again.
I love you.
Kame shivered, remembering the hoarse voice in his ear and the way Jin's breath had made his skin tickle.
What was wrong with him? Why was he still seeing these kinds of dreams about Jin even after last night? His longing was just as strong as before. He hadn't even noticed it himself how that feeling had grown over the months he had spent apart from Jin.
Yamapi had been right, Kame had come to notice, when the News leader had told him in Korea that, “Once you’ve been away from Jin for long enough, you’ll come to realize you miss him and then the stir of panic he has set in motion inside of you will come to rest as he isn’t around you anymore and you’ll realize how you truly feel about him.”
Even now, as Jin had set in motion a new stir of emotions in him, his longing for Jin was still the strongest of them all. Though right now, remembering last night’s events, he didn't care much to see Jin even if he missed the leader. Kame once again had a good reason to feel stupid. Jin had ripped the mask right of his face so effortlessly, crushing it into pieces and continued to mess with him. For a while he had almost been taken away by Jin's show, remembering what it had been like meeting Jin for the first time, but as Jin had asked him, “Are you scared of me?”, Kame had finally snapped back to his senses. He respected Jin, he felt inferior to Jin in many areas, but he didn't fear Jin anymore. And that's when it had hit him, what Masa had been trying to tell him all along, that Akanishi Jin had respect for him. Akanishi Jin could no longer do anything he wanted to him.
Jin had finally kept one promise by showing him his true face again. Kame had stayed and waited for that to happen, but as it had become more and more obvious it wasn’t going to leaving had felt like the only option he had had left. Why had Jin chosen to let him go rather than to face their past? Was that the extent of Jin’s love?
If you didn't love me, why did you let me stay with you? If you did love me, why did you let me leave? It still didn’t make any sense.
Kame kept his eyes closed, refusing to glance at the clock. He didn’t want to get out of bed, but he knew he had to. The big day was here. Masa had planned it all out with some help. He hadn't liked the plan then and he didn't like it now, but today was the day he would finally rise in the eyes of Johnny Kitagawa to a status almost as high as Masa's. But there were sacrifices.
In a desperate attempt to deny reality again, Kame pushed those thoughts aside and tried to make himself fall asleep again and he had almost succeeded when his alarm clock buzzed again after a ten minute snooze.
Reality was back and facing it again, Kame realized just why this decision had been the only one, no matter how bad he had felt all year. Finally opening his eyes he shut off the alarm completely this time, forcing himself out of bed, one foot after the other. He groaned, as he recalled today's schedule: early morning meeting with Masa, lectures, back to work for Masa, the last lectures of the day and back to Masa to prepare for the big finale of the day. It was a usual busy day apart from the end of it. Just thinking about it made Kame want to stay in bed.
He didn't want Masa to see him like this. The events of last night would probably be so evident on his face and he didn't want Masa to think he didn't have what it took to be his partner. He had tried so hard, why did Jin always have to get through to him and break him down?
His hair was messy and his eyes slightly puffy. It took him a little more than the usual hour to put on the broken mask again, but as he stepped out of the door no one would've guessed what real face the neat-looking boy hid behind his mask.
Every step felt forced, as he was going down a road he didn't want to be on. He didn't want to see it through despite the promised awards and the mask felt heavy to bear. He wondered whether it would fall apart on its own or if Jin would just rip it off him a second time. Inevitably, they would meet again today. At the most he had roughly 12 hours of the 24 hours left, but something told him he would see Jin sooner. Kame was tempted to get on the first train to Sapporo instead of the subway that took him to work.
He heaved a deep sigh as the car doors closed in front of him and the subway left the platform.
HeeChul wasn’t as good predicting the future as the redhead might’ve thought he was. It had been a year and the gangster’s prediction still hadn’t come true. The first few months Kame had spent in agony, torn between feeling once again dumped by Jin, who wasn't coming looking for him, and mad at Jin for that very reason, which had worked as his motivation to continue supporting Masa's plan. All awhile he had regretted his decision deeply. With every passing day Kame had grown surer and surer Jin had forgotten about him and that that part of HeeChul’s prediction had been right…
…
“The Sun card again.” HeeChul said over the loud music in the club and Kame looked a bit desperate, remembering how the same card had brought him bad fortune before. “Oh, don’t worry. This one isn’t reversed. Health, happiness, strength… That’s what I see in store for you.” HeeChul smiled. “Your fortune’s improved, Kame-chan.”
Though Kame had dreaded a dark future, he hadn't wanted to hear of a bright one as he had decided to leave Jin's side.
“You were right.” Kame said and HeeChul looked at him curiously. “You knew all along my relationship with Jin would end. It’s happening. You see so many good things in store for me, but I can’t see my future as that bright. I’m not even sure I should head down this road, I feel like I’ll regret it so much.”
Whatever there was still left between him and Jin would surely be lost if he proceeded in his current direction.
“I don’t see that in your cards. I see that you're on the right path.” HeeChul replied, saying more things Kame didn't want to hear. Truth to be told he had wanted to hear HeeChul say something along the lines of 'you're going down the wrong path if you go ahead with what you have in mind. Stop and turn back to the man you love for you will surely receive what you're expecting of him, all in good time.'
Instead the redhead continued, “This ending between you and Akanishi will bring good things into your life, both of your lives.”
Kame closed his eyes, wanting to close his ears too so he wouldn’t hear this. Jin would be better off without him too? Not only his life would improve if he walked out, but Jin's would too?
“You may not see it now, but you have something good waiting for you and it’s not something you can run away from. It’s your destiny to walk down this road just like it was your destiny to become Akanishi’s boy toy and his to fail as the heartbreaker he always was. You were bound to show him the one thing that was missing from his life, love. He will be a better and stronger person because of you and he will be happier.” HeeChul explained. “There are still some things you will have to deal with, but even if it’s not easy it will do you both good.”
Jin will be happy once he left? Does that mean Jin will fall in love with someone else? Someone who is more like Jin and can manage alone in his world? Kame was probably being selfish, but he hoped Jin wouldn’t fall in love with someone else after he had left. He wanted to be the only one Jin loved. He hated the thought of him introducing love to Jin’s life and Jin directing at someone else.
That desire pushed him throughout the one year he spent with Masa to develop skills - any skills - that could be useful in order to live in the gangsters’ blocks or even in prison. He practiced lock picking till his fingers were numb, not giving up until he learned how to do it. He had Masa teach him some basic grips and techniques in fighting. The little time he had between studying and working for Masa, he spent in the boxing gym.
He swore he’d show the gangsters what he could do, so that maybe they’d look upon him as something else than Jin’s former boy toy. Maybe then Jin would think he was fit to be his partner and show his true self again and love him. Unless of course Jin found happiness before that…
“You’ll understand one day, Kame-chan.” HeeChul assured with a warm expression on his face and not wanting to hear more Kame thanked the redhead and left…
…
What good had leaving Jin really brought him? He hadn't been happy, even if he had worked on the health and strength parts that could only improve, really.
You’ll see your fortune’s improved, Kame-chan. You’ll see everything happens for a reason.
Does everything really happen for a reason? Some things felt so unnecessary. Nothing had certainly improved between Jin and him. They had just fought more and continued to hurt each other, screwing up their perfectly screwed up relationship even more. The only good that Kame could see had come out of this all was that Jin stopped pretending to be someone he was not. After last night Kame was definitely left with the impression that Jin was not going to be pretending with him anymore.
He had left the fortune reading feeling depressed that time too, thinking that even the cards didn't regard Jin and him as meant to be. Maybe there was no such thing to begin with.
The car doors opened in front of him and he exited at his station, walking briskly for a few minutes before arriving at Johnny Kitagawa’s building. He felt like a traitor every time he entered, but amazingly enough Masa had always convinced him to come in also the next day…
…
“You’ll have to deceive him.” Masa instructed him. It hadn’t even been a week since Kame had first stepped foot inside Johnny Kitagawa’s main building and been introduced to his new job that Masa was already setting his plan in motion. The detective had the habit of going straight to the point of what he wanted from Kame, not wasting any time that Masa knew they had so little of. The detective wanted Kame to be ready. “You’ll have to lie to them all for this to work.”
“He’ll see me right through.” Kame said. If not Jin then Yamapi or someone else would figure him out. He was up against professional gangsters, swindlers and players. He didn’t stand a chance. “It’ll never work.”
“I'll show you how.” Masa offered.
A little afraid to ask, Kame voiced the question anyway, “What do you...want me to do?”
“The Johnnys are tricky bastards. They won’t make it easy for us to get to them. I’ve been after them for years, you have no idea the strings I had to pull to get them behind bars the last time, but now I finally have the best weapon of all.” Masa said, not missing the flash that went over Kame’s face, and he knew Kame’s initial reaction had been to warn the gangs. “You.” he added, watching Kame’s expression change and the boy eyed him clueless. “But we’ve got to remember that even if it’s our game we need to make sure we stay on top of it. We never know what they might think of and that’s why it’s good to have a mole among them. But more importantly they need something else to keep their minds occupied, a distraction...”
“You mean me?” Kame asked and Masa smiled.
“You’ll keep Akanishi’s attention on you and once he’s spending his every waking hour with you on his mind, that’ll create disturbances inside his gang and thus among the rest of them too. With him becoming unreliable, the gangs will have to keep their eyes on him too. Besides they will want to turn you over to their side just as badly, fearing what you know and dying to find out if there's something you have yet to tell me. Not to mention the things you could tell them about us.”
“How do you want me to distract them?” Kame asked when the answer was then so obvious to him and he added, “By sleeping with Jin?” Was he just good for the boy toy role here too? He had thought Masa had really needed him for other things. Maybe he had been foolish to imagine that someone would.
“You don’t have to sleep with Akanishi to mess with his head.” Masa replied and Kame was a little surprised by the answer. “In fact, by not sleeping with him you’ll probably mess him up even more. I know you love him, and I know when you two are alone together things have their way of getting out of hands, so I’m not going to forbid you to do it either if you’ll come to want to. Just as long as you don’t tell him the truth.”
It felt strange that Masa wasn’t standing in between them like the detective had been so far. Masa had always been trying to keep them apart, now it suddenly felt like the man actually accepted them. A bit too late, though.
“But you'll do well in seducing him.” Masa admitted. “To deceive a man...that can be all you need to do. Give him a bit of attention, which I'm sure Akanishi will be wanting from you.”
“I doubt it. He's probably enjoying being single again.” Kame mumbled, mostly for himself. He wondered, since Jin hadn't come looking for him, how long would it take until he was completely forgotten too? Would Jin even be attracted to him anymore if he waved himself in front of the leader? Kame could just imagine his own humiliation. “I can't seduce him.” he admitted. “I don't...even know how to seduce someone.”
Masa's smile alone made him feel humiliated enough. “Kame-chan, you just need to show up.” Kame looked at him sharply, not sure if he was supposed to feel offended or flattered and Masa continued, “I'm sure you'll think of something.”
“I can't.” Kame admitted again, more humiliated this time. “My body... I don't have control over it. When he touches me, I go off. I can't control myself, let alone seduce him.”
“You're afraid of going up against him, aren't you?”
At first Kame didn't answer. “I’ll...react. I can’t stay emotionless around him. He’ll do something and I’ll react to it and he’ll read me through.”
“That’s good. You can react. It will only encourage him to squeeze more out of you and while he does that you’ll lead him down the wrong path.” Masa said. “And if you move away from his touch, you'll still control him because he knows it's his fault you react the way you do. While again if you move closer he won’t be thinking anything at all…”
Kame didn't reply. He didn't want to use either his or Jin's weaknesses against each other.
“You don't have to be afraid of Akanishi Jin.” Masa assured. “No matter how much you taunt him, he will never hurt you. He’s not even playing with all he’s got, meaning he is actually vulnerable right now and especially to you. And should he still manage to get too close or should you feel like you’re losing control over yourself then you can always use the past as a weapon against him. He’ll back off at least then.”
“I don’t want to hurt him. He’s suffered enough already because of me.” Kame said, remembering the first time he had seen tears run down Jin’s face, which was actually the first time he had realized that Jin suffered too more than he had ever known.
“You’re the one still getting hurt.” Masa said, taking Kame’s side again. “Aren’t you the one trying to love the person, who practically raped you? Where is he now? Why isn’t he trying more? It’s only natural he should regret what he’s done, but he shouldn’t give up until he’s earned your forgiveness.”
Kame didn't answer and didn't meet his eyes, and Masa knew he was pushing on a bit too strongly.
“Listen, Akanishi’s only weakness is you.” the detective continued, backing off a few steps and changing the tone in his voice to a softer one. “He won’t hurt you and he’ll protect others from attacking you too. To take him out all you need to do is remind him of what he did to you. It’s weighing on him as it is, so if you shoot that at him he won’t be able to defeat you.”
How would he be able to do that to Jin? “He is my weakness.”
“Then remember why you’re doing this.”
“I don’t even know if it’s the right thing.”
“I think you do know, but you left your heart with him.”
“He’s been paying for what he did to me all this time, trying to make it up to me.” Kame insisted. “He’s not like the master anymore, he’s changed. He’s-”
“He’s changed into this perfect boyfriend? Is that how he’s making it up to you? By becoming someone else instead of facing you directly? That’s not taking responsibility.” Masa said. “And what about the others he hurt? He’s not doing anything for them, is he? Besides he’s not the only one among those gangs to have hurt someone like you.”
Kame didn’t say anything, but Masa could tell Kame’s thoughts had gone off to the other boys he had met in prison such as wFL. Even if Kame could forgive Jin there was no guarantee the other so-called boy toys would and that was what Masa would keep reminding Kame of.
The detective crouched down beside his chair. “Are you really just going to fall back into his arms the next time you see him? He’s going to want you back over to his side, so his efforts will be entirely on that. Don’t just let him have it his way again. Keep him at a distance. And maybe he’ll understand then what it feels like when someone you love shuts you out. It will do him good to know.”
Kame didn’t know what to say. Meanwhile Masa was scheming the recapture of the Johnnys, the detective was knowingly or not also helping Kame with every word he spoke - harsh or not, but always what felt like the truth. It was beginning to make Kame be able to look himself in the mirror a little longer by every passing day. A self-confidence like his that had secretly always been low despite what he let out, had been severely bruised by the one person he had loved and was now starting to heal thanks to that person’s enemy. Kame was glad if he made sense out of anything at all in this situation and yet he was beginning to see things about himself more clearly than ever before. He was even beginning to finally be able to accept what he saw in his own reflection, everything he was including the weak and bad sides of him because he finally thought that wasn’t all he had. Masa’s support was doing that to him and it was making him want to give his support to Masa, wanting to believe the detective had truly changed and was trying to do the right thing.
“Think about everyone you’ll be saving by working with me. You know who’s partially to blame for what happened to Yamapi, don’t you? His family dying and him ending up on the street…” Masa continued and Kame remembered all the gory details he had read in the files Masa kept on each of the Johnnys. Behind Mikimoto there had been Johnny Kitagawa himself, responsible for so many other Johnnys’ miseries too. No wonder the gangs hated that man. “The gangsters’ circle is growing as we speak. This year yet again the gangs acknowledged a group of seven young men as one of their so-called debuted gangs. And do you know how they debut? You have to steal something from Johnny, from this very building that holds the most important information on Johnny Kitagawa. It’s his biggest building and his pride, which is exactly why the Johnnys target this place. Some gangs even joke that a gang truly graduates when its members have been to prison. More and more delinquents join them. Some are not even in high school yet. If you work with me, if you help me capture the leading gangs then you will be able to gain a position where you can make a difference. You could stop kids, who could have a real future, from ending up on those streets. The life there is harsher than you can ever imagine and most of them end up there alone, doing god knows what to prove themselves and to create alliances and finally form a gang. Akanishi, too, has gone a long way to get to position he is in today, but that also means he has a reputation to uphold, the very one he was protecting when pushing you away. It never ends, Kame-chan.”
Kame knew he had damaged Jin’s reputation by simply being around Jin. He wondered what his sudden absence had caused it.
Masa stood up, satisfied with the look upon Kame’s face that told him his words had had an impact on the younger one and that Kame was carefully considering them. Kame’s weakness may be Akanishi Jin and his buddies, but Kame had other weaknesses too. Studying Kame’s life in prison, Masa had seen a boy toy willing to defy the hand that fed him in order to save someone else. Kame felt a strong desire to help those in need and that often left Kame defenceless himself.
“You could’ve ended up on the streets yourself, you know, if you had stayed with the gangs.” Masa said then and Kame raised his gaze to meet Masa’s. “I saved you from that life. Now you will be able to see your family, because I know you would never have been able to look them in the eyes living like a gangster, destroying the society they are a part of. Not to mention the risks you would have put them through just by seeing them. That’s why so few gangsters do. Not that many aren’t discarded by their families when turning to crime, leaving them no way back to society. Akanishi and his friends can’t turn back anymore. They’re in too deep. They’ve crossed too many lines and if you want to help them, then there’s only one way for you to do that. There’s only one way for them to earn their families’ forgiveness.”
Prison, Kame thought. Redemption. Was there really no other future for the gangsters? If made to choose between prison and the streets, there was no question which one they would choose.
“Sooner or later Johnny will catch them again.” Masa added. “But by then our chance will be lost and the gangsters’ outcome still the same. Johnny is growing in power and the gangsters are the only thing he fears. He wants them out of his way.”
“But if I go through with this…if I put them back in prison…then Jin and I will never be together. I’ll lose him for sure.” Kame said. “If I haven't already...” Some part of him was sure he already had.
“Sometimes you can be surprised how long people will wait for you and how much they’ll be able to forgive.” Masa said and somehow those words brought Kame comfort, seeing as there was truth behind what Masa had said. Maybe he and Masa were quite alike in the end.
…
Kame ate the rice ball he had bought at a convenience store on his way along with some coffee. He had no idea how he could still eat rice balls after those he had had in prison for two years. Maybe the haunting image of prison was exactly why he suddenly felt a craving for them again.
Finishing his quick breakfast, Kame stopped outside the door to Masa’s office. He closed his eyes for a second, gathering himself before entering…
…
His hand shook a little as he put away his phone after having mailed Masa, telling the detective that he and their lawyer had arrived. The walk there seemed so fast and anxiety grew inside of him.
Kame had to breathe in hard before entering the room he knew Jin was in. This wasn’t going to be easy. He wondered if Jin had changed. He had kept an eye on the leader, but he still felt so nervous. He wondered if he would be able to hide his feelings or if his face would betray him the second he stepped in. Maybe this had been a really bad idea and Masa would come to regret asking him for help.
He stole an anxious glance at his golden ring and then he remembered the promise he had once made himself. This ring was the one piece he has of Jin and the one proof that no matter what happens from here on in that time and that place that he had with Jin will never disappear. Somehow those thoughts comforted him.
Despite Jin giving it to him as a symbol of ownership and submission, to him it symbolised love, but Jin was not here today because of love, Jin was here on business. Jin didn't have a clue where he was and Kame was about to walk in on him, revealing his betrayal.
Tightening his hand around his ring he entered the room with the lawyer.
There were three of them there; Yamapi, Ohno and Jin. The gangsters, who could pull of such remarkable schemes, were caught by surprise as he showed up there. Obviously none of them had kept tag on him. Masa and him had only made minimal attempts to hide his involvement with Johnny, Jin could’ve easily found out about it had Jin been even the slightest bit interested in what had happened to him after their farewell in Korea, but obviously Jin had moved on pretty fast.
It made Kame feel bitter, but it also made it easier for him to remain distant and he took his seat without meeting Jin’s eyes. The bitterness inside him made him want to help Masa, if it meant Jin would feel even slightly stung about it. Jin hadn’t tried to look him up at all and them meeting each other here was just because of what Kame and Masa had done. Jin had come to meet Johnny, not him. Jin was on a case, not looking for him. It was as if Jin had truly forgotten about him.
Masa had been right. It frustrated Kame and made him act colder whenever he had to be face to face with Jin. Jin suddenly became so interested in having him back onto his side, putting so much effort into it, and Kame knew a big reason behind that was that the gangs wanted to know everything Kame knew about the case and about Masa and Johnny. It made him fume inside. He even tried to find hate inside him towards Jin - something that could help him uphold his role, but all he found was disappointment and sorrow.
He wouldn’t let Jin push him around this time. He wouldn’t just fall into Jin’s arms and he wouldn’t budge when Jin wanted him out of the way. He had let Jin rule his life for too long. He had let Jin convince him he couldn’t handle the past. Ever since prison Jin had kept waiting for Kame to ‘snap out of it’ and have a nervous breakdown. But Kame had for the most part simply forgotten about the events of the first few nights in prison until Jin had partly caused him to mentally fall into pieces by acting as if a breakdown was inevitably going to happen. Kame wondered if it still had been the inevitable outcome had Jin been able to forget too.
Their problems would’ve been so easily solved by a simple “I’m sorry” and “I forgive you”, but Jin never managed to say that and instead assumed his actions couldn’t be forgiven. Until Jin could overcome that Kame would not let anything happen between them. He would do as Masa had advised and keep his feelings in control until Jin would realize that by trying to avoid their problem nothing would be solved. So far Jin had only made it worse, pushing him away like last night’s fuck while thinking it was the best solution for Kame. It had only deepened the hurt.
Yet the more he met Jin appearing emotionless in front of Jin turned out to be harder than he could ever have imagined. It was fine to stick to his role, even if Jin knew he was just upholding one, and so that’s what he chose to do. Jin wouldn’t know the reason why he acted this way unless he faltered and knowing what the man he had to face was capable of he couldn’t take the mask off for even a second.
It would’ve tasted a lie to say he didn’t want to show Jin what he could do. After everything he had learned from Masa over the past year he had prayed for an opportunity to show Jin what he could do. And it was finally there…
…
“Morning, Kame.” Masa greeted him, of course being there when he entered the room.
“Good morning.” Kame replied, taking a seat by his desk, feeling Masa eye him curiously, obviously noticing something was up. Why did the detective have to be such a…detective?
“You okay?” Masa asked, coming over to him and Kame tried to appear preoccupied with anything he had on his desk.
“I’m fine.” he replied, hoping their discussion would end there, but he knew better than that.
“What happened?” Masa asked, sitting down on the edge of his desk and Kame gave up trying to pretend to be interested in what he held in his hands.
“I couldn’t control him.” Kame confessed, laying the papers down. “I said what you told me to say, I said horrible things to him, but he just brushed it off this time, it didn't have the slightest effect on him and then he…”
Masa could figure out the rest by himself.
“I can’t see him again.” Kame said. “I need to sort my head out.”
The younger one was completely thrown off his game. So Akanishi Jin was finally back. It wouldn’t be easy to steal Kame from him now, but luckily Masa didn’t have to anymore. They were so close to sealing Akanishi's fate and locking him away somewhere out of reach and influence over Kame.
Masa laid a hand on Kame’s shoulder and Kame finally met his eyes.
“You have nothing to fear regarding Akanishi Jin. You never had.” Masa comforted. “He’ll do anything for you, believe me I know. He’ll even go to prison for you.”
“I’m a danger to this operation.” Kame replied. “I have to pull out.”
But Masa knew Kame simply wanted a reason to pull out more than he wanted to save this operation.
“There’s nowhere you can run that he won’t find.” Masa said, feeling the shoulder under him stiffen at that and Kame gave him a desperate look. “You know that. You just need to calm down, that’s all.”
Kame didn’t respond, but tried to take Masa’s advice.
“Do you regret leaving him?” Masa asked then. “Do you regret becoming involved in this?”
“No, it’s not…that.” Kame attempted to lie, but the truth was so obvious on his face. Masa could see Kame wasn’t going to be able to keep this up for much longer. They were lucky they could end it tonight. “I can’t stand this anymore. I can’t keep pretending that I don’t love him. He saw me through from the start just like I knew he would. He knows me too well.”
“But you’ve lasted all this time. You just need to hold on for one more night. After tonight it’ll all be over.” Masa encouraged.
“I don’t want to go through with it.” Kame confessed, a little afraid of how Masa would react hearing his words. “I don’t know…if it’s the right thing to do.”
“It’s the only way and you know it too.” Masa replied. “You can’t stop now, we’re so close. Remember what they have done, what they’ve done to you and to so many others. They can’t be let off that easily. It’s not right. We need them, Kame-chan. There are bigger things at stake here.”
It was the same thing Masa had repeatedly told him over the past year.
“Let’s end this together, the way we agreed.” Masa urged and Kame’s gaze fell to the floor, but Masa was persistent, “Everything is already moving. The bait is ready. We'll lead them to where we want them and then you finish them, okay?”
Despite how many times Kame had said Jin couldn’t change his mind Kame’s mind was changing. Jin had still affected his judgement and Kame didn’t want to bring Jin down, afraid something might go terribly wrong in the process that he didn’t even want to go through with.
Kame slowly nodded, not sure if he had done it because he agreed with Masa or if he had done it so that Masa would leave him alone for a while. Either way he got his wish as Masa gave his shoulder a pat, laying his eyes on someone he had been expecting.
Kame already knew who that person was as he turned to watch Masa walk over to a waiting Miyavi by the open office door. The two of them exchanged a few words. Judging from the expression on Masa’s face things were going according to plan. Kame didn’t know how Miyavi would ever dare to show himself in front of the Johnnys again, but the guy had a lot of guts and the wits to match it. That’s why Kame had thought of him in the first place…
…
“We need a bait. Can you think of anyone fit for the job?” Masa asked and despite how Kame hated the idea of getting anyone else involved, the image of Miyavi came to mind. Miyavi had always been cunning and fearless of the Johnnys. And even better, Miyavi had been a Johnny’s boy toy and according to Masa that held a certain unknown power over the Johnnys - probably the same the detective kept insisting he had over Jin and the rest.
Either way a while later Kame found himself going clubbing, visiting club after club until he located the infamous man.
“Me?” Was Miyavi’s first reaction followed by a short laughter. “Why would you ask for my help? I tried to get you thrown out of Akanishi’s cell in prison in order to take your place. I even used your family to threaten you. Why would you trust me?”
“Because you're the best man for the job.” Kame replied over the thumping noise in the club, eyes falling to the other man’s tattoos then. “And I believed you when you said you wanted to find yourself. I think you can do that by helping others.”
“And you need help deceiving the Johnnys?” Miyavi concluded, leaning back against the counter on his bar chair. “It’s not exactly the kind of road I had in mind when telling you my deepest desire in life, but it sounds interesting enough. I’m in, Kame-chan.”
And then the beautiful man shone him an equally playful smile Miyavi sent him now, as Kame approached Masa and him now standing in the corridor just outside the office.
“Hey, Kame-chan. Got a message for your boyfriend? I’m heading over there soon.”
Kame was tempted to tell Miyavi something that Jin would read as a warning, but how he would deceive both Miyavi and Masa in the process was a problem he couldn’t overcome.
“After this you should stay far away from the Johnny's blocks for a while.” Masa said and Miyavi shrugged.
“Who’s there to stay away from when they’ll all be in prison? I can take care of myself.” Miyavi replied. “Well then, I’ll be off. Until we meet again, Kame-chan.” the man said with a wink before taking his leave, his movements as he walked down the corridor didn’t betray the slightest nervousness that Kame surely would be feeling if he was in the other man’s shoes.
“Kame-chan, you’re here!” familiar voices called next.
As a personal army Kame had turned to wFL next. Masa had wanted them to infiltrate the lay judge positions in order to assure the victory of their case. By placing them there Masa had also created the illusion that made the Johnnys think they stood a chance at winning the trial, which was impossible considering Miyavi was their ally. But Masa wasn’t very trusting and since it was Miyavi it was best not to trust him too much and have a backup plan in case anything would go wrong.
“I want to personally thank you all for responding to my request for aid and for helping me out.” Kame said giving them a deep bow.
“As you said we would, we did enjoy this. And it did even the score a bit, if only a little.” Seigo said.
“Never had we thought a boy toy of Akanishi's would have the nerve to do something like this to his former master.” Yu added. “In a way it felt as if you did it for all of us.”
Kame had.
“His new pretty boy toy, who had absolutely no idea how things worked in prison...refused his needs for two nights and was then the most rebellious boy toy he has ever had, remarkably escaping punishment after punishment...kicked out and taken back in and then freed and rewarded the position of an ally...but most importantly the boy toy, who stole his heart.” Seigo said, recalling roughly Kame’s whole history in prison. “You've accomplished a lot, Kame-chan. In your own way you've honoured all of us who share the fate you met in prison.”
Kame wasn't sure he agreed.
“I was wrong.” Hiroki said then and Kame met his eyes inquiringly. “I told you once that a boy toy could never have the power to make his master vulnerable no matter how long his master kept him, but you proved me wrong. I didn't realize then how madly in love with you he was...and still is.”
“He would've crushed you by now otherwise.” Yusuke agreed and Kame’s attention turned to the former boy toys gathered there, who hadn’t received the same amount of attention from Akanishi Jin. If either one of them had, he would never have been placed in Jin’s cell.
“What was it like...being Akanishi's boy toy?” Kame asked them. He had never wanted to ask, never wanted to know, but something still drove him to ask this very question as maybe it would help him see why he had gone from the usual part-time to a full-time boy toy.
“Well, Kame-chan,” Lead’s Keita said hesitantly, “you should know.”
“I meant, how did he...treat you?” Kame forced himself to ask. “What did he do to you?”
All men targeted seemed to fall silent for a moment, memories they hadn't recalled for a while rushing through their minds.
“He was never ruthless, as you know yourself...” Yu said.
“But he always took advantage of every opportunity...” Seigo pointed out.
“And he made you feel like you've never felt before, even though the situation didn't allow you to feel very proud of those emotions...” Hiroki muttered, sworn to never get over the humiliation he suffered when Jin sent out the ‘invitation’ to his cell. Kame had gathered that it wasn’t so much the sex that bothered Hiroki as the fact that Jin made him a boy toy by status, but judging from Hiroki’s current statement Jin seemed to have gotten under the Lead member’s skin in other areas too.
All were familiar feelings, Kame noted, striving to hear them out with a straight face as he had asked for this himself.
“It was very impersonal. I never once saw his face.” Yu continued.
“He never slept over in my bed.” Seigo said.
“He only seemed mildly interested in his every potential boy toy’s personality during the short chase before his victory until you lost and submitted to your fate. Thereafter he hardly even said my name.” Yu added.
“We never spoke. He just sometimes gave orders...both in bed and outside it.” Lead’s Keita said and added, “We certainly never hung out.”
Kame frowned. He had never really been ordered to do something in bed. He had almost expected to be, but since Jin never really did he hadn’t known what to do.
“Did he ever...” Kame started, eyes meeting all of theirs in turn. His fingertips subconsciously danced over his lips as he added, “kiss you?”
He received shaking heads in response. “Not once.”
Kame felt slightly bad for being so relieved. Jin had treated his former boy toys like mere toys, never rewarding them with any extra attention or affection, and Kame shouldn't like hearing that, but he did. He felt guilty admitting it, but jealousy won over that guilt.
“Are you really going to make Akanishi pay for his sins?” Hiroki asked, as Kame had no more questions. “Believe me, when he first humiliated me into accepting the role of a boy toy I personally wanted to hurt him somehow, but there really is no payment that would be fair except for him falling for one of his boy toys and lowering himself beneath said toy.”
“And that already happened.” Yusuke added.
“You were the one he loved, but because you were his boy toy for such a long time you were also the one he humiliated the most. Your name became known to every prisoner and it was tied to his, as his boy toy. It set you in danger too. Even now years after you’re still the infamous boy toy.” Hiroki continued. “But I can’t be convinced you’re doing this out of revenge.”
“At least not your own.” Hisato pointed out.
“You don’t have to do it for us either.” Seigo said. “Nothing will change the past.”
Kame hated to say the following, as the words felt more like Masa’s than his own, “It doesn’t mean he shouldn’t pay.”
“You love him, yet you intend to make him suffer?” Ryuichi said. “Kame-chan, that isn't like you.”
“We're concerned for you. You're not acting like yourself.” Tachibana Keita added.
“And who is that? Jin's boy toy? The loyal fool, who would do anything for his master?” Kame asked. “This has to be done. Masa and I are very grateful of your help.”
“One boy toy to another.” Seigo said in what sounded half-serious and half like a joke, though Kame couldn’t see how that kind of a matter could be joked about so easily. Maybe the former boy toys were already well on their ways moving on from their pasts. Kame sure hoped that was the case.
Giving them a last bow, Kame took his leave before the earlier discussion could continue.
“Masa’s got quite a hold on him now.” Akira said, as they watched Kame leave. “I’ve never seen anyone with such influence over Kame-chan, except for Akanishi, of course.”
“I think he sees Masa as someone like him, but Masa has a very dangerous side. He can be more cunning than Miyavi when he wants to.” the group member Keita agreed. “I just hope Kame-chan knows what he’s doing and that Masa won’t double-cross him in the end.”
“Yeah, someone should go after him. I think he’s out swimming in too deep waters again.” Yusuke commented.
“Only this time there’s a storm coming up and that isn’t just Arashi…” his brother agreed.
“That someone will be me.” Tachibana Keita said, hurrying after Kame. He caught him by the elevators, cutting off the other boy’s path, and opened his mouth, but Kame beat him to it, as if already knowing what was on his mind.
“No, Keita, I will not abandon this mission that has been given to me.” Kame said. “Masa relies on me. I can't betray him for something so selfish as my feelings for Jin.”
“What about Akanishi’s feelings for you?” Keita asked and Kame had to smile a bit, but it made him look more miserable than happy. “I know that you’re thinking about us while going through with this, but putting those guys back in prison won’t change anything. They will not redeem, they’ll just find new boy toys. You keep telling yourself that it’s the right thing to do, but I don’t think that’s how you truly feel.”
“You're even more persistent than before.” Kame noted.
“I still take after you, learning by watching the best.” Keita replied.
“Jin already showed how he feels about me when he let me walk.” Kame said, attempting to cut the conversation off there and get on the elevator with the doors opening, but he should've known he wouldn't let himself get away if he was in Keita’s shoes right now.
“You know there were issues.” Keita insisted and the elevator doors shut close again.
“There always will be. Question is just if they're issues we can overcome.” Kame said, equally stubborn. He pushed the button again, calling for a new lift.
“From what I can see he already is doing that.” Keita said and Kame was taken aback. “I know that look on your face. You had a similar expression when I first met you in prison. Remember how persistent he was at having you then? Why should that have changed now?”
“Well, then I guess he will be able to handle anything I put in his way.” Kame shot back, but his comeback was countered easily.
“Yes, he will.” Keita replied simply and the elevator made a sound, doors opening again and this time Kame climbed in, but before the doors could close again Keita reached out and held the doors open. “Even if you put him in prison, he will get out and come for you. You won't be able to run or hide this time either. No alliances will be able to keep you safe from him. But I still want you to know, now that I have proven I will stand between you and him, that you always have allies with us.”
Kame studied him silently and a smile formed on Keita’s lips.
“You've played it smart so far, Kamenashi-kun. You’ve listened to Masa’s reason. Isn't it about time you do something stupid soon?” Keita suggested.
Kame really didn't need the encouragement. He was already fighting back the urges to do something very stupid.
Having said all he wanted to say Keita released the door, holding Kame’s gaze until the doors shut and Kame was left him standing alone in the empty elevator, though for the first time he knew he was not really alone. Masa, too, had made him feel like he finally had an ally. Maybe because Masa had gone through something similar in the past and it made Kame feel they were almost on the same level with each other. He hadn’t thought that when first going away with Masa, but little by little Masa had made him feel better about himself and he had begun to think that they were truly partners.
But now that they already could see the end of their journey Kame was beginning to doubt everything more than he had over the past year. Masa had succeeded in making him stay, though truthfully they both knew it was only because Jin hadn’t come to get him back. Now Kame had conflicting thoughts about everything. He doubted this plan, he doubted his involvement and he doubted his partner in crime. Was Masa really going to keep his end of the bargain?
Kame shook his head and the elevator let out a sound, doors opening before him again. Keeping those thoughts at a distance in his mind Kame went to class, but not even five minutes after it had started those same doubts returned to him.
No, he told himself, he could trust Masa. He knew he could. Masa had provided him with proof of that.
Turning his attention back to the lecture another five minutes passed until the lulling sound of his professor speaking actually caused him to nod off.
After a quick and rather intense continuance of the dream he had had this morning, Kame woke up in a start, realizing he was still in the middle of the same lecture. This had never happened to him before! Lectures had taken his mind off Jin and he had absorbed himself with knowledge in an attempt to stop thinking about Jin, but as soon as he closed his eyes Jin was there again. The dream kept coming back.
Kame rubbed his eyes after a second nod off. He obviously couldn’t concentrate today, so instead he turned his gaze out the window.
He had almost expected seeing Jin standing outside, waiting for him like Jin had done when he had first started his studies in Todai. Kame wondered if Jin was going to show up on campus today. It was actually thrilling not to know and his heart raced as the clock rang, indicating the lecture had ended. He walked over the campus with his eyes wide open and tried to ignore the fact that part of him wanted Jin to show up, despite last night.
It was lunch break, but he only had time to grab a lunch box with him that he ate on the way back to Johnny’s main building. He had the next period free and Masa and he were meeting a very important person today, but a person he despised very much.
~*~*~*~
part 2