dark times ahead
Today was the worst I've felt in a long time. If i was in a cartoon, a dark cloud would have been hovering above me while everywhere else was sunny.
It's been building up over the years but I felt like it has come to an all time low.
I'm tired of what I'm doing and it seems pointless. I cannot apply anything I know outside. If I do decide to go to another company, the knowledge I have would be useful in another bank. I never envisioned myself working in a bank but here I am, almost 5 years in. I kept saying to myself that my personality fits with the bank. I think that the only thing I "gained" was my temper.
What irks me more is that I still don't know what I want to do.
I want to learn to cook, but I don't want to work in a restaurant so what use will I have for that?
I know that I will adjust being a bum again, but I would miss the feeling of being important. Of knowing that your teammates rely on you for your help. Even the feeling that some people are afraid of you :)
My mom has been pestering to take my masters degree but I don't want to study again. I'm done with that! Ok so I finish it, then what? I would still be lost! If only I can have a map to tell me where I can go.
Come to think of it, a map would just show where I can go and how to get there, but the destination would still be up to me. Finding that destination should be my goal.
It's been building up over the years but I felt like it has come to an all time low.
I'm tired of what I'm doing and it seems pointless. I cannot apply anything I know outside. If I do decide to go to another company, the knowledge I have would be useful in another bank. I never envisioned myself working in a bank but here I am, almost 5 years in. I kept saying to myself that my personality fits with the bank. I think that the only thing I "gained" was my temper.
What irks me more is that I still don't know what I want to do.
I want to learn to cook, but I don't want to work in a restaurant so what use will I have for that?
I know that I will adjust being a bum again, but I would miss the feeling of being important. Of knowing that your teammates rely on you for your help. Even the feeling that some people are afraid of you :)
My mom has been pestering to take my masters degree but I don't want to study again. I'm done with that! Ok so I finish it, then what? I would still be lost! If only I can have a map to tell me where I can go.
Come to think of it, a map would just show where I can go and how to get there, but the destination would still be up to me. Finding that destination should be my goal.