Jack and the 5 AM Bath Time
Our scene opens with yours truly randomly waking up at 2:30 AM and not being able to get back to sleep. The howling winds and occasional sleet didn't help much. About 4 AM, I finally gave up and went out to the kitchen to make some coffee and breakfast. This is where it all started to go downhill.
Jack, having heard the traditional morning signal of the dishes in the dish drainer being put away, came out with tail wagging, ready to do an outside perimeter check. I put his collar on and sent him on his way, figuring he'd be right back considering the weather. River wandered out to the living room a few minutes later and got her collar on, but she was outside long enough to check the weather, pee, and do an about face right back inside because she's the brains out the two of them. She wandered right on back to bed and I meanwhile kept checking the front door every minute or two in between making breakfast and coffee because Jack won't let me know he's sitting out there and shivering.
I was hovering over the toast - which is not wheat toast, and it burns in a heartbeat, so you have to watch it - when River skidded back out of the bedroom, stuck her head out the back door flap, then hustled up front to climb onto the back of the couch and settle in where she could look out the front window. I didn't think too much of it at the time as I was still trying to not forget the toast. It does take on a distinct marshmallow flavor with a bit of char, but that's not my goal. I popped it up in preparation for flipping it around - okay, maybe the toaster is a little weird, too, but whatever, I don't think any of them work all that great - but this was when River was just settling onto the couch which, hmm. Okay. So I go over to check the door and I see Jack slinking quickly up to the steps. I open the door and groan because that is the smell of skunk and it's super strong - and it wasn't out there 15 minutes ago. Meanwhile, Jack's slipped around my legs and is making a beeline for the back bedroom with the still sleeping D in it.
Blue: HOLD IT, MISTER.
Jack: *turns halfway around, squinting and blinking furiously* Who, me?
Blue: What did you DO?
Jack: THERE WAS AN INTRUDING INTRUDER. I WAS ATTACKED.
There was a brief scramble of me getting around him to block the bedroom door flap, retrieving his slip lead, and shutting him in the bathroom to keep him out of trouble so I could go round up the baking soda. I came back to him energetically rolling all over D's dirty jeans he'd left in there the night before, which he broke off in favor of trying to sidle out between my legs and the open bathroom door to sweet, sweet freedom. Yeah, no. Sorry, sunshine. Meanwhile, Bangkok had been trapped in there with him and she was perched on the vanity, staring in fascinated horror. She does NOT like to be picked up, and normally I'd leave her be, but in this case she was picked up and deposited out in the hallway whilst howling in outrage - whereupon Jack tried to make another break for it.
He got a regular wash first, then scrubbed down with a paste of baking soda and peroxide, which had to soak for as close to 15 minutes as we could manage, and then another regular wash. Bear in mind that Jack HATES baths and generally considers the bathroom to be a torture chamber, let alone when even his undercoat is thoroughly soaked and gritty and he has to just stand there. Adding insult to injury was that his face needed scrubbing especially and his eye rinsed out. Not to mention one ear is puffed up like a balloon with his aural hematoma, and it was the side with the squinty eye no less, so that had to be scrubbed carefully but just as thoroughly. Fun times all around.
Jack: *shivering*
Blue: Warm water's the best I can do, buddy. The peroxide made a kinda cold paste, though.
Jack: *sidles off to the side*
Blue: STAY
Jack: *whines very quietly*
Blue: You brought this on yourself.
Jack: :(
Blue: Have you learned anything from this experience?
Jack: Cat's are evil! And never, ever go near the bathroom.
[Note: This all happened in a very similar fashion in mid-February 2012.
Moral of the story: Maybe Blue is the one who needs to learn the lesson not to let him out in the middle of the night. Let's respect the local skunk's rights to nighttime territory.]
I went for my phone to take a photo at one point and he did manage to make it out of the tub and get a couple shakes in before he was immediately deposited back in, but at least baking soda is easy to clean off all the vertical surfaces.
After the escape attempt.
He was sooo glad to finally be allowed out. Then he kept getting yelled at for trying to roll on the couch (I just washed its coverings yesterday; he was allowed to roll on anything else washable). On the bright side, once he finished rolling on things - including stealth rolling on the couch only to get yelled at again - he decided he was actually hungry after not eating at all yesterday. There was the last of the left over pot roast juices to be used up and poured over kibble, which he was very happy about. While he ate, I pondered that I was possibly sending him the wrong message about skunks and impulsive middle of the night investigations. River magically re-appeared and pointed out she was The Good Dog for the foreseeable future. She got to clean the bowl the juices had been in and the last bite of trimmings.
During all these shenanigans, D kept getting woken up. First by me yelling at Jack to stop and the smell of skunk, then River getting shoved in the bedroom with him, a displaced Bangkok wanting through the blocked flap to get to her bed (also in the bedroom), me yelling at Jack for rolling on the couch, etc. D had an alarm set for 6AM because he has to teach a class this weekend, a large part of which will be outside in cold, rainy weather, after being outside most of yesterday in cold, rainy weather hauling and spreading fresh gravel on the driveway. He's more weatherproof than I am, but yeesh.
So by 6am or so, I'd changed all my clothes, piled everything to be washed in the hallway, tossed Jack's electronic collar outside for the time being, finished making and ate my toast with chocolate peanut butter, reheated my now very cold coffee, and flopped back down in bed next to D. Jack came in smelling just faintly off, wriggled up between us, sighed, and began snoring almost immediately.
"So," I said to D, "how's your morning going?"
~*~cue alarm~*~
Crossposted to Dreamwidth. Comment here or there. ♥ Blue :)
Jack, having heard the traditional morning signal of the dishes in the dish drainer being put away, came out with tail wagging, ready to do an outside perimeter check. I put his collar on and sent him on his way, figuring he'd be right back considering the weather. River wandered out to the living room a few minutes later and got her collar on, but she was outside long enough to check the weather, pee, and do an about face right back inside because she's the brains out the two of them. She wandered right on back to bed and I meanwhile kept checking the front door every minute or two in between making breakfast and coffee because Jack won't let me know he's sitting out there and shivering.
I was hovering over the toast - which is not wheat toast, and it burns in a heartbeat, so you have to watch it - when River skidded back out of the bedroom, stuck her head out the back door flap, then hustled up front to climb onto the back of the couch and settle in where she could look out the front window. I didn't think too much of it at the time as I was still trying to not forget the toast. It does take on a distinct marshmallow flavor with a bit of char, but that's not my goal. I popped it up in preparation for flipping it around - okay, maybe the toaster is a little weird, too, but whatever, I don't think any of them work all that great - but this was when River was just settling onto the couch which, hmm. Okay. So I go over to check the door and I see Jack slinking quickly up to the steps. I open the door and groan because that is the smell of skunk and it's super strong - and it wasn't out there 15 minutes ago. Meanwhile, Jack's slipped around my legs and is making a beeline for the back bedroom with the still sleeping D in it.
Blue: HOLD IT, MISTER.
Jack: *turns halfway around, squinting and blinking furiously* Who, me?
Blue: What did you DO?
Jack: THERE WAS AN INTRUDING INTRUDER. I WAS ATTACKED.
There was a brief scramble of me getting around him to block the bedroom door flap, retrieving his slip lead, and shutting him in the bathroom to keep him out of trouble so I could go round up the baking soda. I came back to him energetically rolling all over D's dirty jeans he'd left in there the night before, which he broke off in favor of trying to sidle out between my legs and the open bathroom door to sweet, sweet freedom. Yeah, no. Sorry, sunshine. Meanwhile, Bangkok had been trapped in there with him and she was perched on the vanity, staring in fascinated horror. She does NOT like to be picked up, and normally I'd leave her be, but in this case she was picked up and deposited out in the hallway whilst howling in outrage - whereupon Jack tried to make another break for it.
He got a regular wash first, then scrubbed down with a paste of baking soda and peroxide, which had to soak for as close to 15 minutes as we could manage, and then another regular wash. Bear in mind that Jack HATES baths and generally considers the bathroom to be a torture chamber, let alone when even his undercoat is thoroughly soaked and gritty and he has to just stand there. Adding insult to injury was that his face needed scrubbing especially and his eye rinsed out. Not to mention one ear is puffed up like a balloon with his aural hematoma, and it was the side with the squinty eye no less, so that had to be scrubbed carefully but just as thoroughly. Fun times all around.
Jack: *shivering*
Blue: Warm water's the best I can do, buddy. The peroxide made a kinda cold paste, though.
Jack: *sidles off to the side*
Blue: STAY
Jack: *whines very quietly*
Blue: You brought this on yourself.
Jack: :(
Blue: Have you learned anything from this experience?
Jack: Cat's are evil! And never, ever go near the bathroom.
[Note: This all happened in a very similar fashion in mid-February 2012.
Moral of the story: Maybe Blue is the one who needs to learn the lesson not to let him out in the middle of the night. Let's respect the local skunk's rights to nighttime territory.]
I went for my phone to take a photo at one point and he did manage to make it out of the tub and get a couple shakes in before he was immediately deposited back in, but at least baking soda is easy to clean off all the vertical surfaces.
After the escape attempt.
He was sooo glad to finally be allowed out. Then he kept getting yelled at for trying to roll on the couch (I just washed its coverings yesterday; he was allowed to roll on anything else washable). On the bright side, once he finished rolling on things - including stealth rolling on the couch only to get yelled at again - he decided he was actually hungry after not eating at all yesterday. There was the last of the left over pot roast juices to be used up and poured over kibble, which he was very happy about. While he ate, I pondered that I was possibly sending him the wrong message about skunks and impulsive middle of the night investigations. River magically re-appeared and pointed out she was The Good Dog for the foreseeable future. She got to clean the bowl the juices had been in and the last bite of trimmings.
During all these shenanigans, D kept getting woken up. First by me yelling at Jack to stop and the smell of skunk, then River getting shoved in the bedroom with him, a displaced Bangkok wanting through the blocked flap to get to her bed (also in the bedroom), me yelling at Jack for rolling on the couch, etc. D had an alarm set for 6AM because he has to teach a class this weekend, a large part of which will be outside in cold, rainy weather, after being outside most of yesterday in cold, rainy weather hauling and spreading fresh gravel on the driveway. He's more weatherproof than I am, but yeesh.
So by 6am or so, I'd changed all my clothes, piled everything to be washed in the hallway, tossed Jack's electronic collar outside for the time being, finished making and ate my toast with chocolate peanut butter, reheated my now very cold coffee, and flopped back down in bed next to D. Jack came in smelling just faintly off, wriggled up between us, sighed, and began snoring almost immediately.
"So," I said to D, "how's your morning going?"
~*~cue alarm~*~
Crossposted to Dreamwidth. Comment here or there. ♥ Blue :)