Is love a ciggie?
Must you really need to move on to someone else in order to move on all together? Is there really no way to do it by yourself? Is it really true "you will never get over the previous like the next" as what Adrian always like to say?
I am home. Things have definitely changed. People have definitely changed. It scares the hell out of me. It could work both ends of the spectrum. Perhaps in their eyes I have changed a lot too. We are not there to feel each other change gradually, hence the culture shock. I am adapting to change. I want to adapt to change. Just give me some time. I don't know, but after 5 days of being home, somehow or rather, I wished I was still in Sydney, oblivious to what has happened and what is going on over here right now as well as trying to acknowledge and accept all these changes.
I must say that I m proud of myself having gone through the roughest patch of my life by myself. Though I haven't gotten over and through it, I made some effort and I dare say that doing this alone is not easy, it is daunting and I am still perservering. I made progress. Freaking slow progress that is. This is the hard way. This is the unaccelerated way. Do not just dismiss it as something you can "build a bridge and get over it" kind of thing. It's not that simple. Well the problem is that, I don't have the bridge. Try doing something like that alone. It sucks. Deep down at times, I wish I could just have someone to lift me up, fill my life up again with all the colours that was before and perhaps become happy as a result. Would I be really happy? I don't know. Perhaps taking the easy way out is it. If the end justfies the means, so be it. Sometimes, you just need someone to pull you out of the quicksand. And no, I do not suck at this whole "moving on", "closing a chapter of your life" and "letting go" business. I just wasn't blessed with that pair of extra hands to pull me out of the quicksand yet. But at least I know my head is still above the surface, breathing and surviving. And I am bloody fucking proud of that.
And no, you don't just go asking for the easy way out. The easy way out decides whether it wants to come to you. It's about the stroke of luck which I never had.
Love is like a cigarette to a smoker. Perhaps you have been smoking Marlboro Lights for the past 2-3 years. And then suddenly you stop for whatever reason. But you crave for it and you want to smoke again. Pick up a pack of Lucky Strike. That feeling would still be the same wouldn't it?
Coming home and facing certain struggles head on is a whole new ball game as compared to self preservation in Sydney. Whatever that I have done to keep myself afloat back there, this time being home is an uphill task that could actually make or break this whole business. Wait. No, it isn't gonna make anything. It's either break or no break moron. So basically there's no win-lose situation. It's either you lose or you don't.
Please give me the strength and courage to take this on. And to those who think I am being melodramatic, try being in my fucking shoes and you will know what it feels like to be by yourself in the most darkest hour you can ever imagine.
I am home. Things have definitely changed. People have definitely changed. It scares the hell out of me. It could work both ends of the spectrum. Perhaps in their eyes I have changed a lot too. We are not there to feel each other change gradually, hence the culture shock. I am adapting to change. I want to adapt to change. Just give me some time. I don't know, but after 5 days of being home, somehow or rather, I wished I was still in Sydney, oblivious to what has happened and what is going on over here right now as well as trying to acknowledge and accept all these changes.
I must say that I m proud of myself having gone through the roughest patch of my life by myself. Though I haven't gotten over and through it, I made some effort and I dare say that doing this alone is not easy, it is daunting and I am still perservering. I made progress. Freaking slow progress that is. This is the hard way. This is the unaccelerated way. Do not just dismiss it as something you can "build a bridge and get over it" kind of thing. It's not that simple. Well the problem is that, I don't have the bridge. Try doing something like that alone. It sucks. Deep down at times, I wish I could just have someone to lift me up, fill my life up again with all the colours that was before and perhaps become happy as a result. Would I be really happy? I don't know. Perhaps taking the easy way out is it. If the end justfies the means, so be it. Sometimes, you just need someone to pull you out of the quicksand. And no, I do not suck at this whole "moving on", "closing a chapter of your life" and "letting go" business. I just wasn't blessed with that pair of extra hands to pull me out of the quicksand yet. But at least I know my head is still above the surface, breathing and surviving. And I am bloody fucking proud of that.
And no, you don't just go asking for the easy way out. The easy way out decides whether it wants to come to you. It's about the stroke of luck which I never had.
Love is like a cigarette to a smoker. Perhaps you have been smoking Marlboro Lights for the past 2-3 years. And then suddenly you stop for whatever reason. But you crave for it and you want to smoke again. Pick up a pack of Lucky Strike. That feeling would still be the same wouldn't it?
Coming home and facing certain struggles head on is a whole new ball game as compared to self preservation in Sydney. Whatever that I have done to keep myself afloat back there, this time being home is an uphill task that could actually make or break this whole business. Wait. No, it isn't gonna make anything. It's either break or no break moron. So basically there's no win-lose situation. It's either you lose or you don't.
Please give me the strength and courage to take this on. And to those who think I am being melodramatic, try being in my fucking shoes and you will know what it feels like to be by yourself in the most darkest hour you can ever imagine.