FIC: In the Garden
Title: In the Garden
Author: blue_fjords
Word length: ~1000 words
Rating: PG
Characters: Castiel, Joshua; mildly Dean/Cas
Warning: Episode Coda to 6x22
Summary: A conversation in a garden, one year after the events of 6x22.
A garden, one year later
The flowers don't grow any higher here, nor are they more vibrant or more fragrant. It's an ordinary garden, a trifle overrun, but there's a willow tree, and a bench. And on the bench is a tired old man.
Castiel stands beside him for a moment before he says anything.
"Your garden has weeds," he informs Joshua.
"Most gardens do."
Castiel glances down at him. Joshua is shorter than he was the last time Castiel remembers seeing him, his skin more wrinkled. It is unusual. He concentrates for all the time it takes to blink an eye, and the garden is weeded, stakes planted into the rich soil, plants and flowers growing upright.
"You're welcome," Castiel says.
"Maybe I liked it messy like that," Joshua says, frowning at a freshly-shorn fern.
Castiel ignores his comment. "Why did you wish to speak to me, Joshua? Do you have a petition for me?"
Joshua snorts. "A petition? No, son, I ain't got a petition." He rises slowly to his feet and fixes Castiel with a beady-eyed stare. "I don't need a petition to stop you."
He doesn't raise his hand, or narrow his eyes, or tilt his head, but Joshua does something, and for the first time in a year, Castiel feels restricted.
"How did you do this?" Castiel demands.
Joshua sighs. "That's the wrong question, Castiel." He pauses a beat, as if waiting for Castiel to ask, but Castiel has never felt the need to ask when he already knows the answer.
"You're wrong," Joshua says softly. "You don't know the answer, not the whole of it."
The air turns to fire, and Castiel immediately spares a thought to extinguish the flames. Nothing happens. Panic and remembered heartbreak take his breath away, changing him back to that Castiel from before, so needy, so lovesick, so full of doubts. A miserable creature. A powerless creature.
"Release me!" he commands. Joshua just watches him sadly, untouched amongst the flames that rip through the garden, turning orchids to ash and the willow tree into a torch.
Castiel falls to his knees. He has not knelt in over a year. The heated air settles over him like a glove, smothering him.
"Castiel," Joshua asks. "If you had it all to do again, would you do it the same way?"
This is a ridiculous question. The past cannot be changed, not really. No one knows this better than Castiel.
"That's not what I'm asking. Do you have regrets, Castiel?"
Castiel has to close his eyes. The fire is breaching his walls, walls taller than the Chrysler Building. Forcing its way through hairline fractures in his God-like façade, fractures he's named 'Dean sleeping' and 'Sam's wall' and 'Bobby's house.' Anger flares up, and his eyes fly open.
"Why should I feel regrets?" he rasps. "I am sure they do not."
He doesn't have to say who 'they' are, not to Joshua.
"They're human," Joshua answers. "They are full of regrets. And righteousness, and petty vindictiveness, and forgiveness, and petulance, and love."
The power is leaving him, he can feel it seeping out, with no intricate ceremonies or incantations, just an old man in a garden full of fire. Tears sting his eyes, and he asks his question.
"Why?" His voice is a pitiful thing, but he plows on regardless. "Why make me go through this at all? Father. Why?"
Joshua waves a dismissive hand, whether to his title or the question, Castiel does not know. "You have had the power of God for a year now, Castiel. Can you not answer that question yourself?"
A hundred answers spring to mind - free will, loneliness, curiosity, wish fulfillment, self-righteousness, the list continues. Castiel shakes his head. "Are you expecting my sympathy?"
"Not as you are now."
"You shouldn't have forced my hand. I didn't want this." The heat from the flames subsides just a little, and Castiel draws in a shaky breath. They're getting to the end. "What happens to the world next?" he asks dully. "Are you leaving again?"
"I was never gone," Joshua says mildly. "What do you want to happen?"
Sweat is running in rivulets down his face. Castiel has to blink to see Joshua somewhat clearly. "What?"
"What do you want, Castiel? 'What happens to the world next?' and 'Are you leaving?' - you know who you sound like. Not, 'what will you do with me' or 'can you forgive me.' Selfless concern and abandonment issues." Joshua shakes his head. "I have plans for the world, Castiel. What do you want to happen to you?"
That's an easy question, and the most difficult. He'd had a human family and an angelic family. Neither would want him back. But if he had to choose - he sees Dean's face in his mind again, the family that chose him to be a part of it once before.
"I see," Joshua says. The flames abruptly cease. The garden is dead, only dark ash remaining. Joshua raises his hand.
"Wait!" Castiel blurts out. "They won't take me back."
"Is that what they said? Castiel. How many times have they said that to each other? Brother against brother, father against son."
"Not for this," Castiel says stubbornly. "They will tell me, he will say - " He stops abruptly. Joshua gives him an unreadable look. "I'm doing it again. Answering the question for him."
"So. Will you ask it?"
Castiel looks around the dead garden one more time. It is completely lifeless, just…a hundred shades of gray. He stifles a sob that comes out more like a snort, and stands up. Joshua looks down at the ground in front of him, and Castiel follows his gaze. There are two vibrant green patches where his knees had pressed into the earth.
Not completely dead.
When he looks up again, Joshua and the garden are gone and he is standing in the salvage yard. The Impala is parked by the porch, and the smell of burnt bacon and strong coffee drifts over from Bobby's kitchen.
He takes a deep breath, climbs the steps, and knocks on the door.
Author: blue_fjords
Word length: ~1000 words
Rating: PG
Characters: Castiel, Joshua; mildly Dean/Cas
Warning: Episode Coda to 6x22
Summary: A conversation in a garden, one year after the events of 6x22.
A garden, one year later
The flowers don't grow any higher here, nor are they more vibrant or more fragrant. It's an ordinary garden, a trifle overrun, but there's a willow tree, and a bench. And on the bench is a tired old man.
Castiel stands beside him for a moment before he says anything.
"Your garden has weeds," he informs Joshua.
"Most gardens do."
Castiel glances down at him. Joshua is shorter than he was the last time Castiel remembers seeing him, his skin more wrinkled. It is unusual. He concentrates for all the time it takes to blink an eye, and the garden is weeded, stakes planted into the rich soil, plants and flowers growing upright.
"You're welcome," Castiel says.
"Maybe I liked it messy like that," Joshua says, frowning at a freshly-shorn fern.
Castiel ignores his comment. "Why did you wish to speak to me, Joshua? Do you have a petition for me?"
Joshua snorts. "A petition? No, son, I ain't got a petition." He rises slowly to his feet and fixes Castiel with a beady-eyed stare. "I don't need a petition to stop you."
He doesn't raise his hand, or narrow his eyes, or tilt his head, but Joshua does something, and for the first time in a year, Castiel feels restricted.
"How did you do this?" Castiel demands.
Joshua sighs. "That's the wrong question, Castiel." He pauses a beat, as if waiting for Castiel to ask, but Castiel has never felt the need to ask when he already knows the answer.
"You're wrong," Joshua says softly. "You don't know the answer, not the whole of it."
The air turns to fire, and Castiel immediately spares a thought to extinguish the flames. Nothing happens. Panic and remembered heartbreak take his breath away, changing him back to that Castiel from before, so needy, so lovesick, so full of doubts. A miserable creature. A powerless creature.
"Release me!" he commands. Joshua just watches him sadly, untouched amongst the flames that rip through the garden, turning orchids to ash and the willow tree into a torch.
Castiel falls to his knees. He has not knelt in over a year. The heated air settles over him like a glove, smothering him.
"Castiel," Joshua asks. "If you had it all to do again, would you do it the same way?"
This is a ridiculous question. The past cannot be changed, not really. No one knows this better than Castiel.
"That's not what I'm asking. Do you have regrets, Castiel?"
Castiel has to close his eyes. The fire is breaching his walls, walls taller than the Chrysler Building. Forcing its way through hairline fractures in his God-like façade, fractures he's named 'Dean sleeping' and 'Sam's wall' and 'Bobby's house.' Anger flares up, and his eyes fly open.
"Why should I feel regrets?" he rasps. "I am sure they do not."
He doesn't have to say who 'they' are, not to Joshua.
"They're human," Joshua answers. "They are full of regrets. And righteousness, and petty vindictiveness, and forgiveness, and petulance, and love."
The power is leaving him, he can feel it seeping out, with no intricate ceremonies or incantations, just an old man in a garden full of fire. Tears sting his eyes, and he asks his question.
"Why?" His voice is a pitiful thing, but he plows on regardless. "Why make me go through this at all? Father. Why?"
Joshua waves a dismissive hand, whether to his title or the question, Castiel does not know. "You have had the power of God for a year now, Castiel. Can you not answer that question yourself?"
A hundred answers spring to mind - free will, loneliness, curiosity, wish fulfillment, self-righteousness, the list continues. Castiel shakes his head. "Are you expecting my sympathy?"
"Not as you are now."
"You shouldn't have forced my hand. I didn't want this." The heat from the flames subsides just a little, and Castiel draws in a shaky breath. They're getting to the end. "What happens to the world next?" he asks dully. "Are you leaving again?"
"I was never gone," Joshua says mildly. "What do you want to happen?"
Sweat is running in rivulets down his face. Castiel has to blink to see Joshua somewhat clearly. "What?"
"What do you want, Castiel? 'What happens to the world next?' and 'Are you leaving?' - you know who you sound like. Not, 'what will you do with me' or 'can you forgive me.' Selfless concern and abandonment issues." Joshua shakes his head. "I have plans for the world, Castiel. What do you want to happen to you?"
That's an easy question, and the most difficult. He'd had a human family and an angelic family. Neither would want him back. But if he had to choose - he sees Dean's face in his mind again, the family that chose him to be a part of it once before.
"I see," Joshua says. The flames abruptly cease. The garden is dead, only dark ash remaining. Joshua raises his hand.
"Wait!" Castiel blurts out. "They won't take me back."
"Is that what they said? Castiel. How many times have they said that to each other? Brother against brother, father against son."
"Not for this," Castiel says stubbornly. "They will tell me, he will say - " He stops abruptly. Joshua gives him an unreadable look. "I'm doing it again. Answering the question for him."
"So. Will you ask it?"
Castiel looks around the dead garden one more time. It is completely lifeless, just…a hundred shades of gray. He stifles a sob that comes out more like a snort, and stands up. Joshua looks down at the ground in front of him, and Castiel follows his gaze. There are two vibrant green patches where his knees had pressed into the earth.
Not completely dead.
When he looks up again, Joshua and the garden are gone and he is standing in the salvage yard. The Impala is parked by the porch, and the smell of burnt bacon and strong coffee drifts over from Bobby's kitchen.
He takes a deep breath, climbs the steps, and knocks on the door.