FIC (Supernatural): Fluff Comment Fics (Jensen/Misha - zoinks)
More from the lovely and amazing qthelights's Dean/Cas & Jensen/Misha Comment!Fic Meme this weekend, featuring prompts for Schmoop/Fluff/Cliche/HC. And I wrote RPS of the crack variety.
Title: Cherry Tomatoes
Author: blue_fjords
Word Count: 610
Rating: PG
Characters/Pairings: slight Jensen/Misha, Jim
Disclaimer: I obviously don't know these people. This is fluffy crack, didn't happen.
Prompt: Jensen/Misha, accidental kisses
There was a distinct lack of cherry tomatoes at the Craft Services table. Jensen chewed his lower lip and gripped his plate with both hands. He had planned on cherry tomatoes. It was a Thing. Without the cherry tomatoes, he'd have to change his whole strategy. Jared would make fun of him, but dude didn't understand the importance of little bursts of tart sweetness exploding in one's mouth. He was strictly a candy junkie.
Jim appeared at his shoulder. "They have any tater salad?"
"Yeah. No cherry tomatoes, though."
Jim gave him a sympathetic look. Dude understood his tomatoes. "You meet Big Dick yet?"
Jensen knew exactly who he was referring to. The Angel had been "Big Dick" ever since the summer, when they'd found out there'd be angels this season. Kripke had proudly announced that the angels would be dicks. Not something to say to this cast and crew. Speculation about Limp Dick, Wee Willy, Mr. Flaccid and Mr. Viagra had run rampant. The Dean Angel was lucky to get Big Dick for a nickname.
"Not yet. I think they're bringing him through wardrobe before we rehearse."
Jim grunted and plopped a large helping of potato salad onto his plate. "I was -- wait, is that him?"
He nodded his head in the direction of the wardrobe trailer, and Jensen turned around. A dark-haired man in a trench coat was coming towards them.
"Dude, they gave him Constantine's costume," Jensen whispered.
"Who? Looks like flasher-wear to me," Jim replied.
The man gave them a rather vague smile and surveyed the contents of the Crafts Services table. "No cherry tomatoes," he sighed.
Jensen barked a laugh, then covered it with a cough, as he didn't want Big Dick Constantine to think he thought that was funny. As it wasn't. Just in context.
Big Dick Constantine gave him a curious look, and took a step closer to him. He was now officially standing a little too close, and Jensen realized that he smelled ... just like him. BDC held out his hand. "Misha. I'll be raising you from Hell."
Jensen looked down at the hand, and then at his plate. "Uh..."
"Here, I'll take that," Jim said, moving his plate to one hand and reaching for Jensen's just as Jensen moved forward to lay the plate on the table. Shoulders, hands and plates collided. "Whoops!"
Both plates were airborne, the potato salad stubbornly clinging to Jim's plate, for three seconds. Just enough time for Misha to step even further into Jensen's personal space and make a mad grab for a plate -- the same plate Jensen went for. Their heads knocked together and for just the briefest of moments, Jensen found his lips pressed against the other man's.
The plates fell to the ground.
"Oh, my God!" Jensen took an immediate step back and looked for an escape route. Jim hadn't noticed, too busy trying to salvage the potato salad, thank everything holy.
Misha gave him a strange look. "Yes, that was quite embarrassing," he agreed. "Would have been much better like this."
And he stepped forward again, gripped Jensen's head in his hands and laid a very wet kiss on his lips. Jensen's eyes bugged open, and Misha coaxed his lips apart to very briefly touch tongues.
Holy shit, holy shit, holy shit! sounded like a litany in Jensen's head, and then Misha broke the kiss. Jensen felt like he'd been running a marathon, but the other man looked completely composed.
"As I thought. Much better. See you in Perdition, Jensen," Misha said, and turned away.
Jensen met Jim's eyes. Yeah. Big Dick is definitely the name for that one.
Title: Beer & Baguettes
Author: blue_fjords
Word Count: 767
Rating: PG
Characters/Pairings: slight Jensen/Misha, Alona, Traci
Disclaimer: I obviously don't know these people. This is fluffy crack, didn't happen.
Prompt: Misha in this hat, a fake mustache and baguette. Jensen's reaction.
Misha's been to Italy. He went to Germany, and France. He's been traveling all across Europe all spring long, and Jensen and Jared only went to Italy. Wankers. (That's part of the British vocab he picked up at a con in England, also without Jensen and Jared. He said "Bloody Hell!" continually for about a week after, until bloody Jim got so fed up, he doused him with fake blood. The non-sweet kind.)
He gets a text from Jared during a train ride in Germany: Bing me beer lser. He texts back: Jim drank it already, hoser. Ha, he can spell and use proper punctuation!
Two hours later he's still on the train, and he gets a text from Jensen: Don't bring J beer. He stole my hat.
Misha frowns, trying to recall said hat. He thinks it's a skullcap. Jared deserves a case of the best German beer he can find, then.
In France, he's eating (drinking) dinner with Traci and Alona, and the ladies are swapping stories about their most cringe-worthy questions. The winner? They each got asked if Jensen slipped them the tongue. Misha laughs so hard wine goes up his nose and he spends the rest of the evening in the bathroom, trying to get the spray stain out of Alona's white shirt. (Whoops.)
The next day a fan gives him an awesome replacement hat for Jensen. He wears it all through his signing session, for seasoning. Then he's catching a plane and it's delayed. By one hour. Then two. Then four. He cracks open the case of German beer (sorry, J), and he, Alona and Traci go to town. At some point Alona asks why they're drinking warm German beer when they could be guzzling French wine (she could go for some chilled white wine, she says, with a pointed look at Misha, so he knows she hasn't quite gotten over the red wine on white shirt fiasco) but the question is deemed too sensible and must therefore be ignored.
Misha's about four beers in when he starts texting Jensen:
The fangirls want to know if Dean takes it up the ass.
I said yes.
Are mustaches sexy?
The French call cheese fromage.
It sunds like frottage.
I thnk they are.
Uh that was bout moustachhes.
why arnt u talkng bac?
"Jensen's not texting me back," Misha announces to the others.
"Lemme see." Alona makes a grab for the phone. "Jensen!" she yells. "Your tongue tastes like marmalade!"
"Oh, sweetie, he can't hear you," Traci says, and pats Alona's head. "You adorable lil' lightweight."
"Fuck, it's like 4 AM in LA; no wonder," Misha realizes. "I should send him a pic of his hat. Trace."
Traci snaps and sends and gives the phone back. Only she drops it. And Misha tries to pick it up, but he steps on it instead.
"Shit. Or shite, as they say in Eng Bloody Hell Land," Misha says.
The girls exchange a look. "It needs beer," Alona declares, and pours a little onto the phone.
Airport security comes by then, and very helpfully assists the three Americans to their flight, minus all but three beers from the case and the foamy broken bits of Misha's European cell phone.
He makes it to Jensen's two days later. He's got the hat, of course, but he's decided to spruce it up a bit by wearing a fake mustache and bringing along a baguette. Baguettes are tasty.
Jensen opens the door and silently takes in the sight for a moment. "Do I want to know what you'll be wearing to give Jared his beer?" he asks finally.
"I was thinking my lederhosen, but that seems a bit extreme since only thr- two beers made it back."
"I see."
Misha frowns. This isn't quite the reaction he was expecting. Even if Jensen didn't like the hat (or the mustache), he brought a baguette! They're tasty!
"I got your picture," Jensen says, finally opening the door wide enough for Misha to duck inside. Jensen closes the door and leans back against it. "Dude, were you wearing my shirt?"
"Ummm..." Misha thinks about it. Was it Jensen's shirt, or Misha's shirt that looks almost identical, and who could tell the difference? It smelled good.
"Dude, the fangirls notice shit like that!"
Misha looks at the baguette, then back at Jensen. "I brought a baguette."
Jensen sighs, but reaches over to grab the hat and put it on his own head. "Thank God for crusty bread. But what's with the 70s porno 'stache?"
Misha gives him a filthy grin. "I brought a baguette."
Title: Wide-Eyed and Laughing
Author: blue_fjords
Word Count: 938
Rating: PG-13
Characters/Pairings: Jensen/Misha, Jared, Genevieve
Disclaimer: I obviously don't know these people. This is fluffy crack, didn't happen.
Prompt: Jensen/Misha, it was supposed to be a practical joke.
A/N: Title in reference to Indigo Girls' "Joking."
It was supposed to be a practical joke.
"Dudes! She knows the theme song to Thundercats! I think this is love!" Jared declares, coming up behind Jensen and Misha and throwing his arms around their shoulders.
"Great. Go tell her that, then," Jensen says shrugging Jared's heavy arm off.
"Are you insane? Oooh, quiet, there she is." Jared abruptly straightens. "'Sup, Gen?"
"Ummm," Genevieve replies, frowning slightly. Misha glances across Jared to Jensen and catches the latter rolling his eyes.
"So tell me, Gen," Misha starts. "Do you like pizza?"
"Well, yeah. Who doesn't?"
"How about sleeping in on Saturdays?"
"Of course." She's looking at him strangely now, but that doesn't faze Misha in the slightest.
"Jared likes those things, too! You should go talk about it over there somewhere." He waves his hand vaguely in the direction of the Craft Services table. Jensen begins to crack up, and Jared shoots them both a dirty look.
"Smooth, guys."
"Well, you could hang around here. I'm planning to fuck Jensen against the wall though, so unless you want to watch that..." Misha shrugs his shoulders as if to say, Hey, it's all the same to me. Jensen's laugh changes to a cough, and Jared and Genevieve beat a hasty retreat to the far side of the set.
"What the fuck was that?" Jensen manages to choke out. Misha pounds him on the back a time or two.
"It got them to go off together, didn't it? Did you really want to go through months of that? Come on, the theme to Thundercats is 'Thunder, thunder, thunder, thunder -- CATS,' right?"
Jensen considers. He has a point.
***
It happens again while filming the time travel episode. Jensen was supposed to be sleeping under his coat on the motel bed, and Misha was supposed to come in and wake him up. On the first take, Jared pops up in the fake motel window, aims a finger gun into the room and lets an extremely loud fart. On the fourth take, a bulb goes out and the lighting crew scrambles for a replacement. Misha stretches out on the bed next to Jensen.
"Have I told you about the pet turtle I had when I was a kid?" he asks.
"Uh..." Jensen replies.
"I have a picture of him in my wallet." Misha struggles to reach into his back pocket, getting slightly tangled in the huge trench coat and rolling towards Jensen for a better angle.
Jared chooses that exact moment to pop up in the window again. "Hey, guys --"
"Leave us be!" Misha shouts. "Can't you see we're trying to make out here?"
Jensen just closes his eyes in resignation as the crew cracks up.
***
On the park bench, Misha turns to Jensen and says in his deepest, most gravelly Castiel voice, "Dean. I want to know what love is. I want you to show me."
Ah fuck it, Jensen thinks. "Only if you will be my father figure, and take my tiny hand in yours."
He's rewarded with a brilliant grin that never makes it onto film.
***
The new girl brings cupcakes on her first day. Jared's been teasing Jensen relentlessly about her since they got the script, but Misha's been strangely silent. Until he bites into a cupcake.
"Oh my God!" he exclaims. "Julie! I can call you that, right?" He doesn't wait for her nod. "These are practically orgasmic. I bet Jensen will make his 'O' face when he eats one. I'll demonstrate it for you so you don't get freaked out during your sex scene."
"Ignore him," Jensen tells her as her face flames as red as her hair.
***
"Five minutes, guys," the PA calls through the trailer door.
"That'll just give Jensen enough time to swallow," Misha calls back.
***
Jensen gets a post-it note on the script for "The Rapture": strawberry-flavored >:O
He keeps the note.
***
"Dudes. This is getting serious," Jared tells them. He waves at Gen across the set and she gives him a saucy wink.
"It's getting serious with me and Jen, too," Misha tells him seriously. "I was balls-deep in him --" Dude! from Jensen and a barking laugh from Jared -- "last night and I swear he told me the three magic words."
"Awww, sweet love!" Jared grins at them both as Jensen shakes his head.
"Well, he said 'use more lube' but I'll take it!" Misha slaps his hands together. "Lunch?"
***
Things come to a head at the finale wrap party. Jared and Gen are in a corner canoodling, Jim is currently losing to a grip and their head hairdresser in a drinking game, and Jensen finds himself out on the balcony with just Misha.
"So, Misha. What will you do next season?" he asks, sipping at his beer.
"I think it's in the cards that I'm to fall for you," Misha replies with a somewhat drunken smile.
"I meant who'll be your next victim, not what Cas will be doing?" Jensen's pretty sure he didn't detact a flicker of hurt across Misha's face when he spoke. He's pretty sure.
"Maybe I'll convince everyone I'm Martha Stewart," Misha says after a moment. "After all, that's more believable." He turns to go. "I'm out of beer, you want another?"
Jensen grabs at Misha's arm. "Hey," he says. Misha looks down, and Jensen has to tilt his head up in Castiel's customary pose. "Hey," he says again.
It was supposed to be a practical joke, but it's more sweet (and a little bitter from the beers) than funny when their lips finally meet.
Title: Misha Takes Matters into His Own Tentacles
Author: blue_fjords
Word Count: 1,625
Rating: PG-13
Characters/Pairings: Jensen/Misha
Disclaimer: I obviously don't know these people. This is fluffy crack, didn't happen.
Prompt: Misha/Jensen: Misha starts an online petition to get Castiel/Dean canon.
A/N: These are two fics, the original and its sequel. The second half is slightly expanded here, as I was trying to make it all fit in one comment box for the fest. Apologies for the gratuitous Spaceballs reference. Also contains incredibly brief shout-out to Goonies, as you do.
Misha's never been one to count his lines. Sometimes Castiel is the exposition fairy, sometimes his lines consist of "Dean" in half a dozen inflections. But he's been hearing rumors of Season Six (okay, Jerry, the night janitor, told Marcus, the security guard, told Janice, the woman who straightens their clothes between takes - what? sometimes they tussle!, told Maggie, the barista at the chai & coffee place, who makes this chai - it is literally Heaven on Earth, anyhow, she told Misha that Castiel may only be in three episodes).
This calls for drastic measures. This calls for, dare he say it? Yes he does. This calls for a Dastardly Plan. Because working on Supernatural is both lucrative and fun! And he gets to travel the world on someone else's dime. You can't beat that with a crowbar.
So he turns to the source of all that is good and holy: the internet. Specifically, his Minions. But he can't just go on as himself and tweet "Hey, so I heard I might not be in a lot of episodes in season six! Tell everyone to send the CW emails, letters, and trench coats if you want to see more of me." For one thing, it sounds desperate, and for another, it's over the character count.
Enter the Dastardly portion of this Plan. He creates a fake twitter account and names it joanieangel. He debates over the angel bit, but decides it's not enough of a giveaway when paired with the joanie. (Joanie being the name of his mother's friend's sister's ex-girlfriend from back in Mass. She had a pierced eyebrow. It got infected and scarred Misha for life. He was four.)
joanieangel follows Misha, and to establish her as someone with a genuine connection, he has her tweet: "M - fresh shipment of blueberries in. Save you 2 boxes?" He responds: "Y. Need to make pancakes." This accomplishes two things. One, 50% of his followers immediately start following joanieangel, and the other 50% go out and buy blueberries. Blueberries are high in antioxidants, so he just raised the health of all those Minions. You're welcome.
joanieangel's next tweet is: "Looking forward to season 6! Mike is hoping for more Kali." More Minions follow after that one. Rekha Sharma is hot, but more importantly, this establishes joanieangel's connection to the show itself. And is a little shoutout to his plumber Mike, who unclogged the kitchen sink after the incident with the yogurt, Star Wars action figures and dryer sheets. The clincher is his own reply: "Just DM-ed you."
Well! He can FEEL the curiosity rising. Now he's got their attention. It's time for joanieangel to make her move. But how to get even MORE people involved? He doesn't want the Minions to have to do all the work. That's not fair.
The answer is obvious. What does he get asked at every con? Other than the one about his underwear. He always gets asked about Dean. How does Cas feel about Dean? Followed closely, most times, by the looming specter of fanfic. Misha is not stupid. He KNOWS there are vast collections of stories centered around Cas and Dean screwing each other silly. Now there's an idea. Love interests always get screen time. What are the pros? Jensen has pillowy lips, plus he smells good. The cons? Zip.
joanieangel: "Who wants more Misha on SPN? Sign petition to make Castiel/Dean canon!" 'Canon' is a term he's picked up from the fans. And he thinks it's commonly Dean/Cas, but he's Misha Collins. His name goes first.
He gets lots of tweets in answer, and several people decide to host a petition for signatures on their journals. It's building up steam!
He watches the response over the next couple of days. He gets a few "Is Cas a bossy bottom?" and "Does Dean deep throat?", but for the most part, people seem really excited. Lots of Deangirls join in when joanieangel casually makes reference to Jensen needing to walk around topless if he's going to be filming a lot of sex scenes.
The petition is sent to Dawn Ostraff. It's got a million signatures. (This is an exaggeration. He'd been tracking the numbers, but then there was Sangria. A lot of things slip through the cracks around Sangria.)
The next day he gets his contract, and he's in every episode! He immediately calls Jensen and asks what brand of toothpaste he prefers.
***
Jensen is a Tom's of Maine boy. This surprises Misha at first. He'd been expecting something a little more whitebread, like Crest, and not as environmentally-friendly. Even the box for Tom's of Maine boasts its superior commitment to the planet. But then he tries it himself, and he can taste the allure.
They're filming episode three when he gets a mouthful of wintermint. It wasn't in the script.
It happens like this. Cas and Dean are supposed to exchange soulful looks over the corpse of a dog. The monster-of-the-week has killed a dog, thereby showing it 100 times more evil than all their previous villains. The dead dog is the lowest they've gone. And Misha feels it should be counteracted with the highest they've gone, which would clearly be him and Jensen macking on each other. So when the camera is filming Jensen's reaction shot, Misha steps over the dog and latches on to that plump lower lip. It tastes and feels decidedly awesome. It's possible he slips a little tongue. It's possible he shoves his tongue down Jensen's throat and goes for an exploratory lick-fest. It's possible he ignores the "Cut!" until Jensen gives him a little nudge back, and he steps on the dead dog. Well, the plush toy covered in syrup and food dye.
The director feels the need to remind him that they're on the CW here, and to keep it in his pants. Which is a ridiculous expression, because it never left his pants! (That's totally what he wants for episode 10, aka last episode before Hellatus, another word he's picked up from the fans. He's making a dictionary.)
Jensen hightails it out of there the moment they're released. Misha is left pondering what went wrong. Could Jensen possibly NOT want Misha's tongue dancing a samba in his mouth? That cannot be it. Hmm, he'd used the spearmint. Maybe he should use wintermint? Whatever the case, he knows one thing for sure: he wants to suck on that lip again, because oh my God, zoinks.
The problem is that the scripts are all being written at a basic cable level. And apparently basic cable programmers don't get any action. It's time to bust out joanieangel.
He starts small. joanieangel: "New lip balm arrived." (He's decided that joanieangel runs a health food store. He can't tell the difference between wheat germ and dirt, but joanieangel is into all that vegan crap. Another way she's not him, wink, wink.) He responds: "I need to stock up." He pauses over the phone. That's a boring response. He adds: "& shave my legs. cream?"
That gathers a few squees and OMG's. But he's not shaving his legs again, not after the incident with the clogged sink (bathroom this time) and the surprise visit by Michael Jackson's sister, really needing to pee. (It's possible it wasn't Janet Jackson. It's possible it was his friend Jeff, and Jeff's 'friend' 6-foot-5 Monique of the protruding Adam's apple. It's possible there was more Sangria.)
joanieangel: "Lips getting a workout?" This is perhaps a bit heavy-handed, and Misha strategically does not tweet back as himself. Rumors run rampant, everything from "OMG, Dean & Cas, sitting in a tree, k-i-s-s-i-n-g!" to "OMG, he didn't answer! Are they ever going to kiss?!" He smiles to himself, and tweets @joanieangel: "no workout. cest la vie." (French always adds class. It's like using a hanky or eating crumpets.)
The next morning, the chatrooms are filled with cries for Dean/Cas kissing. And some for Cas/Dean kissing. He doesn't even have to do anything else, just watch it snowball and fantasize about nibbling that lower lip. Guh. (Another one for the dictionary.)
The next script has a kiss (someone's totally checking out the same chatrooms). A Dean-instigated kiss. Vedy interesting! Misha positions himself outside Jensen's trailer after he's sure the other man has seen it. Sure enough, Jensen comes tromping down his steps and freezes when he spots Misha.
Misha has worked on a line, specially tailored for Jensen, to get him to agree to a rehearsal session. It goes like this: "Do you want to rehearse this?" (Straightforward is best for Jensen.)
"Uh," Jensen replies. He is sometimes tongue-tied by Misha's presence. Misha would like to make that a bit more literal.
"Good." Misha herds him back into the trailer and tosses his copy of the script aside. "I'm ready."
Jensen looks at him, then down at his shoes (brown), then at the wall, and finally he rolls his shoulders and becomes Dean. "Cas," he says, in his Dean voice, and he takes a step closer. Misha is staring at that lip. Come on Schwartz, come on Schwartz!
Jensen's open-mouthed from the very beginning, and handsy and there are NOISES. Obscene little grunty, breathy, moany noises. Misha's only making half of them, too. He's backed up against the trailer door before he can say 'yogurt' and it's all quite fantastic; the lips, the tongue, the teeth, the neck-stroking, the hand under the shirt, all of it.
But then Jensen pulls away, breathing hard. "I think we got it," he mumbles, and practically flies out the door. Well. joanieangel better get her rear in gear pushing for that episode 10 sex scene, that's all there is to it.
Title: Cherry Tomatoes
Author: blue_fjords
Word Count: 610
Rating: PG
Characters/Pairings: slight Jensen/Misha, Jim
Disclaimer: I obviously don't know these people. This is fluffy crack, didn't happen.
Prompt: Jensen/Misha, accidental kisses
There was a distinct lack of cherry tomatoes at the Craft Services table. Jensen chewed his lower lip and gripped his plate with both hands. He had planned on cherry tomatoes. It was a Thing. Without the cherry tomatoes, he'd have to change his whole strategy. Jared would make fun of him, but dude didn't understand the importance of little bursts of tart sweetness exploding in one's mouth. He was strictly a candy junkie.
Jim appeared at his shoulder. "They have any tater salad?"
"Yeah. No cherry tomatoes, though."
Jim gave him a sympathetic look. Dude understood his tomatoes. "You meet Big Dick yet?"
Jensen knew exactly who he was referring to. The Angel had been "Big Dick" ever since the summer, when they'd found out there'd be angels this season. Kripke had proudly announced that the angels would be dicks. Not something to say to this cast and crew. Speculation about Limp Dick, Wee Willy, Mr. Flaccid and Mr. Viagra had run rampant. The Dean Angel was lucky to get Big Dick for a nickname.
"Not yet. I think they're bringing him through wardrobe before we rehearse."
Jim grunted and plopped a large helping of potato salad onto his plate. "I was -- wait, is that him?"
He nodded his head in the direction of the wardrobe trailer, and Jensen turned around. A dark-haired man in a trench coat was coming towards them.
"Dude, they gave him Constantine's costume," Jensen whispered.
"Who? Looks like flasher-wear to me," Jim replied.
The man gave them a rather vague smile and surveyed the contents of the Crafts Services table. "No cherry tomatoes," he sighed.
Jensen barked a laugh, then covered it with a cough, as he didn't want Big Dick Constantine to think he thought that was funny. As it wasn't. Just in context.
Big Dick Constantine gave him a curious look, and took a step closer to him. He was now officially standing a little too close, and Jensen realized that he smelled ... just like him. BDC held out his hand. "Misha. I'll be raising you from Hell."
Jensen looked down at the hand, and then at his plate. "Uh..."
"Here, I'll take that," Jim said, moving his plate to one hand and reaching for Jensen's just as Jensen moved forward to lay the plate on the table. Shoulders, hands and plates collided. "Whoops!"
Both plates were airborne, the potato salad stubbornly clinging to Jim's plate, for three seconds. Just enough time for Misha to step even further into Jensen's personal space and make a mad grab for a plate -- the same plate Jensen went for. Their heads knocked together and for just the briefest of moments, Jensen found his lips pressed against the other man's.
The plates fell to the ground.
"Oh, my God!" Jensen took an immediate step back and looked for an escape route. Jim hadn't noticed, too busy trying to salvage the potato salad, thank everything holy.
Misha gave him a strange look. "Yes, that was quite embarrassing," he agreed. "Would have been much better like this."
And he stepped forward again, gripped Jensen's head in his hands and laid a very wet kiss on his lips. Jensen's eyes bugged open, and Misha coaxed his lips apart to very briefly touch tongues.
Holy shit, holy shit, holy shit! sounded like a litany in Jensen's head, and then Misha broke the kiss. Jensen felt like he'd been running a marathon, but the other man looked completely composed.
"As I thought. Much better. See you in Perdition, Jensen," Misha said, and turned away.
Jensen met Jim's eyes. Yeah. Big Dick is definitely the name for that one.
Title: Beer & Baguettes
Author: blue_fjords
Word Count: 767
Rating: PG
Characters/Pairings: slight Jensen/Misha, Alona, Traci
Disclaimer: I obviously don't know these people. This is fluffy crack, didn't happen.
Prompt: Misha in this hat, a fake mustache and baguette. Jensen's reaction.
Misha's been to Italy. He went to Germany, and France. He's been traveling all across Europe all spring long, and Jensen and Jared only went to Italy. Wankers. (That's part of the British vocab he picked up at a con in England, also without Jensen and Jared. He said "Bloody Hell!" continually for about a week after, until bloody Jim got so fed up, he doused him with fake blood. The non-sweet kind.)
He gets a text from Jared during a train ride in Germany: Bing me beer lser. He texts back: Jim drank it already, hoser. Ha, he can spell and use proper punctuation!
Two hours later he's still on the train, and he gets a text from Jensen: Don't bring J beer. He stole my hat.
Misha frowns, trying to recall said hat. He thinks it's a skullcap. Jared deserves a case of the best German beer he can find, then.
In France, he's eating (drinking) dinner with Traci and Alona, and the ladies are swapping stories about their most cringe-worthy questions. The winner? They each got asked if Jensen slipped them the tongue. Misha laughs so hard wine goes up his nose and he spends the rest of the evening in the bathroom, trying to get the spray stain out of Alona's white shirt. (Whoops.)
The next day a fan gives him an awesome replacement hat for Jensen. He wears it all through his signing session, for seasoning. Then he's catching a plane and it's delayed. By one hour. Then two. Then four. He cracks open the case of German beer (sorry, J), and he, Alona and Traci go to town. At some point Alona asks why they're drinking warm German beer when they could be guzzling French wine (she could go for some chilled white wine, she says, with a pointed look at Misha, so he knows she hasn't quite gotten over the red wine on white shirt fiasco) but the question is deemed too sensible and must therefore be ignored.
Misha's about four beers in when he starts texting Jensen:
The fangirls want to know if Dean takes it up the ass.
I said yes.
Are mustaches sexy?
The French call cheese fromage.
It sunds like frottage.
I thnk they are.
Uh that was bout moustachhes.
why arnt u talkng bac?
"Jensen's not texting me back," Misha announces to the others.
"Lemme see." Alona makes a grab for the phone. "Jensen!" she yells. "Your tongue tastes like marmalade!"
"Oh, sweetie, he can't hear you," Traci says, and pats Alona's head. "You adorable lil' lightweight."
"Fuck, it's like 4 AM in LA; no wonder," Misha realizes. "I should send him a pic of his hat. Trace."
Traci snaps and sends and gives the phone back. Only she drops it. And Misha tries to pick it up, but he steps on it instead.
"Shit. Or shite, as they say in Eng Bloody Hell Land," Misha says.
The girls exchange a look. "It needs beer," Alona declares, and pours a little onto the phone.
Airport security comes by then, and very helpfully assists the three Americans to their flight, minus all but three beers from the case and the foamy broken bits of Misha's European cell phone.
He makes it to Jensen's two days later. He's got the hat, of course, but he's decided to spruce it up a bit by wearing a fake mustache and bringing along a baguette. Baguettes are tasty.
Jensen opens the door and silently takes in the sight for a moment. "Do I want to know what you'll be wearing to give Jared his beer?" he asks finally.
"I was thinking my lederhosen, but that seems a bit extreme since only thr- two beers made it back."
"I see."
Misha frowns. This isn't quite the reaction he was expecting. Even if Jensen didn't like the hat (or the mustache), he brought a baguette! They're tasty!
"I got your picture," Jensen says, finally opening the door wide enough for Misha to duck inside. Jensen closes the door and leans back against it. "Dude, were you wearing my shirt?"
"Ummm..." Misha thinks about it. Was it Jensen's shirt, or Misha's shirt that looks almost identical, and who could tell the difference? It smelled good.
"Dude, the fangirls notice shit like that!"
Misha looks at the baguette, then back at Jensen. "I brought a baguette."
Jensen sighs, but reaches over to grab the hat and put it on his own head. "Thank God for crusty bread. But what's with the 70s porno 'stache?"
Misha gives him a filthy grin. "I brought a baguette."
Title: Wide-Eyed and Laughing
Author: blue_fjords
Word Count: 938
Rating: PG-13
Characters/Pairings: Jensen/Misha, Jared, Genevieve
Disclaimer: I obviously don't know these people. This is fluffy crack, didn't happen.
Prompt: Jensen/Misha, it was supposed to be a practical joke.
A/N: Title in reference to Indigo Girls' "Joking."
It was supposed to be a practical joke.
"Dudes! She knows the theme song to Thundercats! I think this is love!" Jared declares, coming up behind Jensen and Misha and throwing his arms around their shoulders.
"Great. Go tell her that, then," Jensen says shrugging Jared's heavy arm off.
"Are you insane? Oooh, quiet, there she is." Jared abruptly straightens. "'Sup, Gen?"
"Ummm," Genevieve replies, frowning slightly. Misha glances across Jared to Jensen and catches the latter rolling his eyes.
"So tell me, Gen," Misha starts. "Do you like pizza?"
"Well, yeah. Who doesn't?"
"How about sleeping in on Saturdays?"
"Of course." She's looking at him strangely now, but that doesn't faze Misha in the slightest.
"Jared likes those things, too! You should go talk about it over there somewhere." He waves his hand vaguely in the direction of the Craft Services table. Jensen begins to crack up, and Jared shoots them both a dirty look.
"Smooth, guys."
"Well, you could hang around here. I'm planning to fuck Jensen against the wall though, so unless you want to watch that..." Misha shrugs his shoulders as if to say, Hey, it's all the same to me. Jensen's laugh changes to a cough, and Jared and Genevieve beat a hasty retreat to the far side of the set.
"What the fuck was that?" Jensen manages to choke out. Misha pounds him on the back a time or two.
"It got them to go off together, didn't it? Did you really want to go through months of that? Come on, the theme to Thundercats is 'Thunder, thunder, thunder, thunder -- CATS,' right?"
Jensen considers. He has a point.
***
It happens again while filming the time travel episode. Jensen was supposed to be sleeping under his coat on the motel bed, and Misha was supposed to come in and wake him up. On the first take, Jared pops up in the fake motel window, aims a finger gun into the room and lets an extremely loud fart. On the fourth take, a bulb goes out and the lighting crew scrambles for a replacement. Misha stretches out on the bed next to Jensen.
"Have I told you about the pet turtle I had when I was a kid?" he asks.
"Uh..." Jensen replies.
"I have a picture of him in my wallet." Misha struggles to reach into his back pocket, getting slightly tangled in the huge trench coat and rolling towards Jensen for a better angle.
Jared chooses that exact moment to pop up in the window again. "Hey, guys --"
"Leave us be!" Misha shouts. "Can't you see we're trying to make out here?"
Jensen just closes his eyes in resignation as the crew cracks up.
***
On the park bench, Misha turns to Jensen and says in his deepest, most gravelly Castiel voice, "Dean. I want to know what love is. I want you to show me."
Ah fuck it, Jensen thinks. "Only if you will be my father figure, and take my tiny hand in yours."
He's rewarded with a brilliant grin that never makes it onto film.
***
The new girl brings cupcakes on her first day. Jared's been teasing Jensen relentlessly about her since they got the script, but Misha's been strangely silent. Until he bites into a cupcake.
"Oh my God!" he exclaims. "Julie! I can call you that, right?" He doesn't wait for her nod. "These are practically orgasmic. I bet Jensen will make his 'O' face when he eats one. I'll demonstrate it for you so you don't get freaked out during your sex scene."
"Ignore him," Jensen tells her as her face flames as red as her hair.
***
"Five minutes, guys," the PA calls through the trailer door.
"That'll just give Jensen enough time to swallow," Misha calls back.
***
Jensen gets a post-it note on the script for "The Rapture": strawberry-flavored >:O
He keeps the note.
***
"Dudes. This is getting serious," Jared tells them. He waves at Gen across the set and she gives him a saucy wink.
"It's getting serious with me and Jen, too," Misha tells him seriously. "I was balls-deep in him --" Dude! from Jensen and a barking laugh from Jared -- "last night and I swear he told me the three magic words."
"Awww, sweet love!" Jared grins at them both as Jensen shakes his head.
"Well, he said 'use more lube' but I'll take it!" Misha slaps his hands together. "Lunch?"
***
Things come to a head at the finale wrap party. Jared and Gen are in a corner canoodling, Jim is currently losing to a grip and their head hairdresser in a drinking game, and Jensen finds himself out on the balcony with just Misha.
"So, Misha. What will you do next season?" he asks, sipping at his beer.
"I think it's in the cards that I'm to fall for you," Misha replies with a somewhat drunken smile.
"I meant who'll be your next victim, not what Cas will be doing?" Jensen's pretty sure he didn't detact a flicker of hurt across Misha's face when he spoke. He's pretty sure.
"Maybe I'll convince everyone I'm Martha Stewart," Misha says after a moment. "After all, that's more believable." He turns to go. "I'm out of beer, you want another?"
Jensen grabs at Misha's arm. "Hey," he says. Misha looks down, and Jensen has to tilt his head up in Castiel's customary pose. "Hey," he says again.
It was supposed to be a practical joke, but it's more sweet (and a little bitter from the beers) than funny when their lips finally meet.
Title: Misha Takes Matters into His Own Tentacles
Author: blue_fjords
Word Count: 1,625
Rating: PG-13
Characters/Pairings: Jensen/Misha
Disclaimer: I obviously don't know these people. This is fluffy crack, didn't happen.
Prompt: Misha/Jensen: Misha starts an online petition to get Castiel/Dean canon.
A/N: These are two fics, the original and its sequel. The second half is slightly expanded here, as I was trying to make it all fit in one comment box for the fest. Apologies for the gratuitous Spaceballs reference. Also contains incredibly brief shout-out to Goonies, as you do.
Misha's never been one to count his lines. Sometimes Castiel is the exposition fairy, sometimes his lines consist of "Dean" in half a dozen inflections. But he's been hearing rumors of Season Six (okay, Jerry, the night janitor, told Marcus, the security guard, told Janice, the woman who straightens their clothes between takes - what? sometimes they tussle!, told Maggie, the barista at the chai & coffee place, who makes this chai - it is literally Heaven on Earth, anyhow, she told Misha that Castiel may only be in three episodes).
This calls for drastic measures. This calls for, dare he say it? Yes he does. This calls for a Dastardly Plan. Because working on Supernatural is both lucrative and fun! And he gets to travel the world on someone else's dime. You can't beat that with a crowbar.
So he turns to the source of all that is good and holy: the internet. Specifically, his Minions. But he can't just go on as himself and tweet "Hey, so I heard I might not be in a lot of episodes in season six! Tell everyone to send the CW emails, letters, and trench coats if you want to see more of me." For one thing, it sounds desperate, and for another, it's over the character count.
Enter the Dastardly portion of this Plan. He creates a fake twitter account and names it joanieangel. He debates over the angel bit, but decides it's not enough of a giveaway when paired with the joanie. (Joanie being the name of his mother's friend's sister's ex-girlfriend from back in Mass. She had a pierced eyebrow. It got infected and scarred Misha for life. He was four.)
joanieangel follows Misha, and to establish her as someone with a genuine connection, he has her tweet: "M - fresh shipment of blueberries in. Save you 2 boxes?" He responds: "Y. Need to make pancakes." This accomplishes two things. One, 50% of his followers immediately start following joanieangel, and the other 50% go out and buy blueberries. Blueberries are high in antioxidants, so he just raised the health of all those Minions. You're welcome.
joanieangel's next tweet is: "Looking forward to season 6! Mike is hoping for more Kali." More Minions follow after that one. Rekha Sharma is hot, but more importantly, this establishes joanieangel's connection to the show itself. And is a little shoutout to his plumber Mike, who unclogged the kitchen sink after the incident with the yogurt, Star Wars action figures and dryer sheets. The clincher is his own reply: "Just DM-ed you."
Well! He can FEEL the curiosity rising. Now he's got their attention. It's time for joanieangel to make her move. But how to get even MORE people involved? He doesn't want the Minions to have to do all the work. That's not fair.
The answer is obvious. What does he get asked at every con? Other than the one about his underwear. He always gets asked about Dean. How does Cas feel about Dean? Followed closely, most times, by the looming specter of fanfic. Misha is not stupid. He KNOWS there are vast collections of stories centered around Cas and Dean screwing each other silly. Now there's an idea. Love interests always get screen time. What are the pros? Jensen has pillowy lips, plus he smells good. The cons? Zip.
joanieangel: "Who wants more Misha on SPN? Sign petition to make Castiel/Dean canon!" 'Canon' is a term he's picked up from the fans. And he thinks it's commonly Dean/Cas, but he's Misha Collins. His name goes first.
He gets lots of tweets in answer, and several people decide to host a petition for signatures on their journals. It's building up steam!
He watches the response over the next couple of days. He gets a few "Is Cas a bossy bottom?" and "Does Dean deep throat?", but for the most part, people seem really excited. Lots of Deangirls join in when joanieangel casually makes reference to Jensen needing to walk around topless if he's going to be filming a lot of sex scenes.
The petition is sent to Dawn Ostraff. It's got a million signatures. (This is an exaggeration. He'd been tracking the numbers, but then there was Sangria. A lot of things slip through the cracks around Sangria.)
The next day he gets his contract, and he's in every episode! He immediately calls Jensen and asks what brand of toothpaste he prefers.
***
Jensen is a Tom's of Maine boy. This surprises Misha at first. He'd been expecting something a little more whitebread, like Crest, and not as environmentally-friendly. Even the box for Tom's of Maine boasts its superior commitment to the planet. But then he tries it himself, and he can taste the allure.
They're filming episode three when he gets a mouthful of wintermint. It wasn't in the script.
It happens like this. Cas and Dean are supposed to exchange soulful looks over the corpse of a dog. The monster-of-the-week has killed a dog, thereby showing it 100 times more evil than all their previous villains. The dead dog is the lowest they've gone. And Misha feels it should be counteracted with the highest they've gone, which would clearly be him and Jensen macking on each other. So when the camera is filming Jensen's reaction shot, Misha steps over the dog and latches on to that plump lower lip. It tastes and feels decidedly awesome. It's possible he slips a little tongue. It's possible he shoves his tongue down Jensen's throat and goes for an exploratory lick-fest. It's possible he ignores the "Cut!" until Jensen gives him a little nudge back, and he steps on the dead dog. Well, the plush toy covered in syrup and food dye.
The director feels the need to remind him that they're on the CW here, and to keep it in his pants. Which is a ridiculous expression, because it never left his pants! (That's totally what he wants for episode 10, aka last episode before Hellatus, another word he's picked up from the fans. He's making a dictionary.)
Jensen hightails it out of there the moment they're released. Misha is left pondering what went wrong. Could Jensen possibly NOT want Misha's tongue dancing a samba in his mouth? That cannot be it. Hmm, he'd used the spearmint. Maybe he should use wintermint? Whatever the case, he knows one thing for sure: he wants to suck on that lip again, because oh my God, zoinks.
The problem is that the scripts are all being written at a basic cable level. And apparently basic cable programmers don't get any action. It's time to bust out joanieangel.
He starts small. joanieangel: "New lip balm arrived." (He's decided that joanieangel runs a health food store. He can't tell the difference between wheat germ and dirt, but joanieangel is into all that vegan crap. Another way she's not him, wink, wink.) He responds: "I need to stock up." He pauses over the phone. That's a boring response. He adds: "& shave my legs. cream?"
That gathers a few squees and OMG's. But he's not shaving his legs again, not after the incident with the clogged sink (bathroom this time) and the surprise visit by Michael Jackson's sister, really needing to pee. (It's possible it wasn't Janet Jackson. It's possible it was his friend Jeff, and Jeff's 'friend' 6-foot-5 Monique of the protruding Adam's apple. It's possible there was more Sangria.)
joanieangel: "Lips getting a workout?" This is perhaps a bit heavy-handed, and Misha strategically does not tweet back as himself. Rumors run rampant, everything from "OMG, Dean & Cas, sitting in a tree, k-i-s-s-i-n-g!" to "OMG, he didn't answer! Are they ever going to kiss?!" He smiles to himself, and tweets @joanieangel: "no workout. cest la vie." (French always adds class. It's like using a hanky or eating crumpets.)
The next morning, the chatrooms are filled with cries for Dean/Cas kissing. And some for Cas/Dean kissing. He doesn't even have to do anything else, just watch it snowball and fantasize about nibbling that lower lip. Guh. (Another one for the dictionary.)
The next script has a kiss (someone's totally checking out the same chatrooms). A Dean-instigated kiss. Vedy interesting! Misha positions himself outside Jensen's trailer after he's sure the other man has seen it. Sure enough, Jensen comes tromping down his steps and freezes when he spots Misha.
Misha has worked on a line, specially tailored for Jensen, to get him to agree to a rehearsal session. It goes like this: "Do you want to rehearse this?" (Straightforward is best for Jensen.)
"Uh," Jensen replies. He is sometimes tongue-tied by Misha's presence. Misha would like to make that a bit more literal.
"Good." Misha herds him back into the trailer and tosses his copy of the script aside. "I'm ready."
Jensen looks at him, then down at his shoes (brown), then at the wall, and finally he rolls his shoulders and becomes Dean. "Cas," he says, in his Dean voice, and he takes a step closer. Misha is staring at that lip. Come on Schwartz, come on Schwartz!
Jensen's open-mouthed from the very beginning, and handsy and there are NOISES. Obscene little grunty, breathy, moany noises. Misha's only making half of them, too. He's backed up against the trailer door before he can say 'yogurt' and it's all quite fantastic; the lips, the tongue, the teeth, the neck-stroking, the hand under the shirt, all of it.
But then Jensen pulls away, breathing hard. "I think we got it," he mumbles, and practically flies out the door. Well. joanieangel better get her rear in gear pushing for that episode 10 sex scene, that's all there is to it.