PSA: read the movie description before you watch it

[blue_fjords]

So it's October, which is horror movie marathon month in the Casa Azul. I don't like horror movies. They scare me. But every year I attempt to watch a few. Last year I watched "Devour" b/c Jensen was in it, and that lol-tastic Sherlock movie w/ Gareth David-Lloyd. Yes, I was drinking. No, I wouldn't recommend them. This year, I said I'd watch "Piranha." We actually tried to watch it on Monday, but the blu-ray player died. M was not going to sit still for that, so we have a new, fancier one. And tonight, we watched "Piranha." Here's what we knew about it going in: it starred Academy Award-nominated Elisabeth Shue and a bunch of piranhas. Ladies and gents, we should have looked further. I was picturing about eight people on a boat in South America where, you know, piranhas live. The carnage I had in mind was, admittedly, rather small-scale. This is not what the movie was. At all. It's set during Spring Break in Arizona. I'm fuzzy as to how the piranhas got there. But they were sure as fuck there. I think it had the highest death count of any movie I've ever seen, including war movies. And Jerry O'Connell was there! As a porn director. I think it also had the largest number of fake boobies I've ever seen. Peeps, if you want to watch fake boobies, fake gore, fake deaths, fake CGI, butts being eaten and eyeballs floating away (and one memorable dick, which I, uh, thought was a sock), then this is your movie. You have found it! I still think I may throw up.

There's no proper segue for a thing like that, but here's something that makes me incredibly happy and I hope everyone signs up!




Sign up here!!