Day 5
Well, I am on day 5 of the happy. I think I had gotten too used to the fact that I should go with my feelings and emotions but I shouldn't, I have only had 5 days of being 'ok' because I have controlled it, we have had the odd bicker but nothing compared to anything that is damaging and I am pleased. I do worry however about it changing again but maybe I can continue to control it and learn how to not explode at every minuscule thing that goes wrong.
It's strange, I enjoy feeling 'normal' and the reality is that it was always there, if only I could control it, if only there was a way to make me keep it up, I have never been consistent for long periods of time, I'm like an obsessive teenager and I used to throw tantrums, still do sometimes, if things didn't go my way, it threw my world out of whack and I didn't know how to deal with incompetence and insignificant facts and inconsistency. I hate those things and when I feel threatened, whatever the situation I lose control.
ahh.. . . . that's better. I like to analyze myself. That's why I am having Cognitive Analytical Therapy. So I can analyze for hours..
I am eating way too much lately. I love food, all food seems to find a way right now, I have gained about a stone since I came out of hospital, LOL .. Oh, well, I should enjoy it for a while, it won't be long before I'll be back to not eating anything again, it comes in waves, I'll be food addicted for a month or two, then I don't eat much for months and the back to eating again.
Anyway, my tummy seems to have been less swollen today, so hopefully, whatever was wrong is going away now. Which is good.
:D