Stop making sense!
Title: The Name of the Bar is Called Heaven
Summary: Jo meets Jess after Carthage, and it turns out they have a lot in common
Word count: 1,400
Rated: pg-13 (Language)
Notes: Set S5; Spoilers through 5.10
Genre: Femslash
Characters: Jo/Jess
A/N: Inspired by the Talking Heads’ “Heaven” from “Stop Making Sense”
Disclaimer: Supernatural and it's characters belongs to WB/The CW, I own nothing and make no money.
***
Heaven is a field that extends as far as you can see in any direction. A warm breeze ruffles the soft new grass, and though it’s always sunny you never get burnt. There are other people, if you care to look for them and they’re dead. You’re never hungry, or cold, or tired- but if you want to sleep, it’s easy.
In other words, it’s boring as fuck.
Jo sits alone. There’s nothing to do with other dead people but talk about back when they were alive. Even seeing her dad was anticlimactic and uncomfortable-- they’re strangers now. Conversations here don’t seem to form very clear memories, and if she doesn’t make an effort, she still thinks of him as dead. Ha, ha.
Her mom spends a lot of time with Dad, or at least Jo thinks so. Ellen seems content just to wander aimlessly with her husband, free from all the aches and pains of age. Jo’s happy for them, and any time she wants to join them, they’ll be a few feet away. But the flipside of having eternity is that there’s no reason to. It’s not as if they’re going anywhere.
“Jo, right? Hi.”
Jo looks around, surprised; she doesn’t think she was looking for anyone, but there’s a blonde woman waiting behind her all the same.
“Jess,” the woman says, offering a hand which Jo takes automatically. It’s funny what habits stick with you. “I used to be with Sam, at Stanford. Word is you knew him and…I like to keep tabs, you know?” She smiles, and even though it’s a sad smile it lights up her already lovely face.
“Oh,” Jo says. That Jess. She self-consciously tugs at her plaid shirt as the other woman sits Indian style in front of her, bare grass-stained feet tucking under her thighs and pulling up the light cotton dress she wears. “What do you want to know?”
“Everything. I mean, how is he?”
“Well, he’s still with Dean and they’re still hunting. You know about that now, right? Yeah. They ganked the Demon that killed you.”
“That’s good to hear, I guess.” Jess glances up, not quite nervous but hesitant. “You know about me, then. How I died. Were you and Sam…”
Jo shakes her head. “Oh, no. No, for me, it was Dean.” It’s almost embarrassing to lay it out like that, but Jess seems nice and there’s no point in keeping secrets anymore.
“Really.” Jess gives her an incredulous look.
Jo laughs. “Yeah, he comes across that way. But he’s a good guy.”
“I guess he would be. I just never got the chance to find out.” Jess gazes thoughtfully above Jo’s head. “So you and Dean?”
“I mean, not really,” Jo murmurs, dropping her eyes. “Went on a hunt with them once, and they stopped by my mom’s bar some. I used to think that maybe…” she shakes her head. “But now I’m here.”
“I’m sorry,” Jess says. It’s a really sweet thing to say, because Jess got a worse shake of it, all things considered.
Jo should say, it’s ok, at least I made it past 24, but she was still too goddamn young, and she ends up with “Yeah. I’m sorry too.”
“How did you…?” Jess asks tentatively.
“Saving Dean’s ass from a pack of Hellhounds,” Jo says, proud of that part at least. Jess looks suitably impressed.
“Fucking Winchester curse got you too, huh?” she says, and Jo has to laugh, even though being dead sucks.
“Why are you talking to me at all?” Jo asks. “Why go searching for the people who knew him?”
Jess shrugs. “I don’t know too many people around here- side effect of getting in early. And I guess the way I died, I’m part of this story I never knew about while I was alive to do something with it. Maybe I just want to know how it ends.”
It’s a reasonable answer, close to how Jo herself feels about the Winchester saga. So, she lays out all she knows about the demon’s plans and the apocalypse, which isn’t too much. Then she tells Jess everything else she knows about what Dean and Sam did over the time she knew them. They drift from the hunt she went on with the brothers to stories about her other hunts, in between which Jess tells stories about being at Stanford, only some of which feature Sam. Jo tells her about the roadhouse, and her mom, and growing up around hunters. Jess describes Madrid from the one spring break she spent there. They don’t quite notice the point they stop talking about the Winchesters even tangentially.
***
“I wasn’t jealous when I asked you about being with Sam,” Jess says out of the blue the next time she comes around. “I don’t mind that he’s moved on. It’s just, you know…”she gestures to her face and hair, then to Jo’s. “You’re pretty, and kind of his type, so.”
Jo smiles at the subtle compliment. “Have you seen their mom?” she asks, with a conspiratorial gesture to Jess’s right. There’s a beautiful blonde sitting just out of earshot, deep in conversation with a handsome, dark-haired man. The woman looks a lot like Jess, who in turn looks a lot like Jo.
“Guess the Winchesters have a type,” Jess says, grinning.
“What was it like?” Jo asks, still watching Mary and John with their arms around each other and their foreheads pressed together. “You and Sam. I never got to do that whole being with someone thing.”
“It was great,” Jess admits. “We had a favorite restaurant. He used to be the only person who could get this one knot out of my neck. Actually liked my cooking, didn’t mind doing dishes. You find all these habits, these ways of fitting together. “
Jo means to say, that sounds real nice. Instead, what comes out is a stream of regret. “One kiss. I have this stupid crush on him for years and that’s all we get. He kissed me one time, and all I could think about was how my liver was going to fall out if I breathed the wrong way.” She’s crying now, for the first time since she got to this slow, easy place. It’s sort of about Dean, but then again it’s not.
“I was supposed to get over him, I mean, either I was supposed to have time to fall for someone who wanted me back or he was supposed to figure it out before I was…Before I…”
Jess pulls her into a gentle hug, rubs circles on her back. “It’s fucking unfair is what it is. Goddamn Winchesters.”
Jo gives her a watery laugh, leaning into the hug. Jess is soft and she smells a little like flowers, but Jo realizes she’s been holding on too long and pulls back. Jess smiles at her, and tucks a wayward curl behind her ear.
“At least you knew him. Year and a half with Sam and I never knew him way you did Dean.”
“What?”
“The demon, his family. Hunting. Those things are such a part of who he is, and I never knew. You were part of that life, you actually understood everything- ghosts and monsters and all.
“You’re jealous of me?” Jo says, disbelieving.
“And not just for knowing Sam,” Jess adds, cutting her eyes at Jo. “You’re kind of a badass.”
Jo smiles. Around all the good-old-boy hunters at the roadhouse, she always felt a bit insecure, a bit childish. But in the grand scheme of things, Jess is right. She kind of is a badass.
***
They laze in the grass, ear to ear, bodies stretched out in opposite directions.
“Oh, heaven,” Jess sings softly, “Heaven is a place, a place where nothing, nothing ever happens…” Jo closes her eyes and ghosts her hands over the fresh tips of the uncut grass, breathes in the smell of rich loamy dirt. Jess and Jo spend most of their time together now, out of some unspoken agreement. There are no more stories of the Winchesters to share, so it isn’t that. Maybe it’s just that they were both struck down in their youth, that they both missed out on so much of life. Maybe it’s something more.
Jess rolls over onto her elbows, her face over Jo’s and her curls falling around them like a curtain. “I wish we’d met when we were alive,” she says.
“Hmm,” Jo says, reaching up a hand to pull her fingers through Jess’ curls. The other woman shakes her head so her hair tickles Jo’s face, and she laughs.
“Eventually everyone we ever knew is going to be here,” Jo muses. “Are you going to find Sam, when he comes?”
Jess sighs, curling over onto her side. Her breath is warm against Jo’s neck. “I think so. But all the things that happened to him after I died, and the things he never let me know even before…” She trails off.
Jo turns her head to look at Jess. “You wouldn’t stay with him, now.”
Jess smiles softly. “No. I love him, but no.” She hums a few bars of the song she was singing and rolls a blade of grass between her fingers. “What about you and Dean?”
“Don’t kid yourself,” Jo snorts. “He’s going to be glued to Sam for all eternity.”
“And you don’t mind,” Jess says, half questioning. Jo shakes her head.
“Maybe it’d be different if I lived… but I didn’t, and that’s that. And I’m okay.”
“I’m glad,” Jess says. “I’d miss you if you were chasing after him. And I don’t think he deserves you anyways.” She smiles at Jo, a wicked little flash of teeth.
***
“Do you think we’ll be dead forever?” Jess asks. She’s whispering even though nobody is around to hear them if they don’t want to be heard.
Yes, Jo thinks, but she says, “I don’t know.”
“I dream sometimes that we won’t be. That we’ll get a second chance at life,” Jess says. “Like in the Bible. All the souls rise again, everyone gets another shot. We’d finally be able to do all those things we never did, that we didn’t know we wanted ‘till it was too late.”
Jo leans forward and touches her lips to Jess’s. Jess pulls her in close and kisses back. And it isn’t quite like being alive, but it’s close enough.
Summary: Jo meets Jess after Carthage, and it turns out they have a lot in common
Word count: 1,400
Rated: pg-13 (Language)
Notes: Set S5; Spoilers through 5.10
Genre: Femslash
Characters: Jo/Jess
A/N: Inspired by the Talking Heads’ “Heaven” from “Stop Making Sense”
Disclaimer: Supernatural and it's characters belongs to WB/The CW, I own nothing and make no money.
***
Heaven is a field that extends as far as you can see in any direction. A warm breeze ruffles the soft new grass, and though it’s always sunny you never get burnt. There are other people, if you care to look for them and they’re dead. You’re never hungry, or cold, or tired- but if you want to sleep, it’s easy.
In other words, it’s boring as fuck.
Jo sits alone. There’s nothing to do with other dead people but talk about back when they were alive. Even seeing her dad was anticlimactic and uncomfortable-- they’re strangers now. Conversations here don’t seem to form very clear memories, and if she doesn’t make an effort, she still thinks of him as dead. Ha, ha.
Her mom spends a lot of time with Dad, or at least Jo thinks so. Ellen seems content just to wander aimlessly with her husband, free from all the aches and pains of age. Jo’s happy for them, and any time she wants to join them, they’ll be a few feet away. But the flipside of having eternity is that there’s no reason to. It’s not as if they’re going anywhere.
“Jo, right? Hi.”
Jo looks around, surprised; she doesn’t think she was looking for anyone, but there’s a blonde woman waiting behind her all the same.
“Jess,” the woman says, offering a hand which Jo takes automatically. It’s funny what habits stick with you. “I used to be with Sam, at Stanford. Word is you knew him and…I like to keep tabs, you know?” She smiles, and even though it’s a sad smile it lights up her already lovely face.
“Oh,” Jo says. That Jess. She self-consciously tugs at her plaid shirt as the other woman sits Indian style in front of her, bare grass-stained feet tucking under her thighs and pulling up the light cotton dress she wears. “What do you want to know?”
“Everything. I mean, how is he?”
“Well, he’s still with Dean and they’re still hunting. You know about that now, right? Yeah. They ganked the Demon that killed you.”
“That’s good to hear, I guess.” Jess glances up, not quite nervous but hesitant. “You know about me, then. How I died. Were you and Sam…”
Jo shakes her head. “Oh, no. No, for me, it was Dean.” It’s almost embarrassing to lay it out like that, but Jess seems nice and there’s no point in keeping secrets anymore.
“Really.” Jess gives her an incredulous look.
Jo laughs. “Yeah, he comes across that way. But he’s a good guy.”
“I guess he would be. I just never got the chance to find out.” Jess gazes thoughtfully above Jo’s head. “So you and Dean?”
“I mean, not really,” Jo murmurs, dropping her eyes. “Went on a hunt with them once, and they stopped by my mom’s bar some. I used to think that maybe…” she shakes her head. “But now I’m here.”
“I’m sorry,” Jess says. It’s a really sweet thing to say, because Jess got a worse shake of it, all things considered.
Jo should say, it’s ok, at least I made it past 24, but she was still too goddamn young, and she ends up with “Yeah. I’m sorry too.”
“How did you…?” Jess asks tentatively.
“Saving Dean’s ass from a pack of Hellhounds,” Jo says, proud of that part at least. Jess looks suitably impressed.
“Fucking Winchester curse got you too, huh?” she says, and Jo has to laugh, even though being dead sucks.
“Why are you talking to me at all?” Jo asks. “Why go searching for the people who knew him?”
Jess shrugs. “I don’t know too many people around here- side effect of getting in early. And I guess the way I died, I’m part of this story I never knew about while I was alive to do something with it. Maybe I just want to know how it ends.”
It’s a reasonable answer, close to how Jo herself feels about the Winchester saga. So, she lays out all she knows about the demon’s plans and the apocalypse, which isn’t too much. Then she tells Jess everything else she knows about what Dean and Sam did over the time she knew them. They drift from the hunt she went on with the brothers to stories about her other hunts, in between which Jess tells stories about being at Stanford, only some of which feature Sam. Jo tells her about the roadhouse, and her mom, and growing up around hunters. Jess describes Madrid from the one spring break she spent there. They don’t quite notice the point they stop talking about the Winchesters even tangentially.
***
“I wasn’t jealous when I asked you about being with Sam,” Jess says out of the blue the next time she comes around. “I don’t mind that he’s moved on. It’s just, you know…”she gestures to her face and hair, then to Jo’s. “You’re pretty, and kind of his type, so.”
Jo smiles at the subtle compliment. “Have you seen their mom?” she asks, with a conspiratorial gesture to Jess’s right. There’s a beautiful blonde sitting just out of earshot, deep in conversation with a handsome, dark-haired man. The woman looks a lot like Jess, who in turn looks a lot like Jo.
“Guess the Winchesters have a type,” Jess says, grinning.
“What was it like?” Jo asks, still watching Mary and John with their arms around each other and their foreheads pressed together. “You and Sam. I never got to do that whole being with someone thing.”
“It was great,” Jess admits. “We had a favorite restaurant. He used to be the only person who could get this one knot out of my neck. Actually liked my cooking, didn’t mind doing dishes. You find all these habits, these ways of fitting together. “
Jo means to say, that sounds real nice. Instead, what comes out is a stream of regret. “One kiss. I have this stupid crush on him for years and that’s all we get. He kissed me one time, and all I could think about was how my liver was going to fall out if I breathed the wrong way.” She’s crying now, for the first time since she got to this slow, easy place. It’s sort of about Dean, but then again it’s not.
“I was supposed to get over him, I mean, either I was supposed to have time to fall for someone who wanted me back or he was supposed to figure it out before I was…Before I…”
Jess pulls her into a gentle hug, rubs circles on her back. “It’s fucking unfair is what it is. Goddamn Winchesters.”
Jo gives her a watery laugh, leaning into the hug. Jess is soft and she smells a little like flowers, but Jo realizes she’s been holding on too long and pulls back. Jess smiles at her, and tucks a wayward curl behind her ear.
“At least you knew him. Year and a half with Sam and I never knew him way you did Dean.”
“What?”
“The demon, his family. Hunting. Those things are such a part of who he is, and I never knew. You were part of that life, you actually understood everything- ghosts and monsters and all.
“You’re jealous of me?” Jo says, disbelieving.
“And not just for knowing Sam,” Jess adds, cutting her eyes at Jo. “You’re kind of a badass.”
Jo smiles. Around all the good-old-boy hunters at the roadhouse, she always felt a bit insecure, a bit childish. But in the grand scheme of things, Jess is right. She kind of is a badass.
***
They laze in the grass, ear to ear, bodies stretched out in opposite directions.
“Oh, heaven,” Jess sings softly, “Heaven is a place, a place where nothing, nothing ever happens…” Jo closes her eyes and ghosts her hands over the fresh tips of the uncut grass, breathes in the smell of rich loamy dirt. Jess and Jo spend most of their time together now, out of some unspoken agreement. There are no more stories of the Winchesters to share, so it isn’t that. Maybe it’s just that they were both struck down in their youth, that they both missed out on so much of life. Maybe it’s something more.
Jess rolls over onto her elbows, her face over Jo’s and her curls falling around them like a curtain. “I wish we’d met when we were alive,” she says.
“Hmm,” Jo says, reaching up a hand to pull her fingers through Jess’ curls. The other woman shakes her head so her hair tickles Jo’s face, and she laughs.
“Eventually everyone we ever knew is going to be here,” Jo muses. “Are you going to find Sam, when he comes?”
Jess sighs, curling over onto her side. Her breath is warm against Jo’s neck. “I think so. But all the things that happened to him after I died, and the things he never let me know even before…” She trails off.
Jo turns her head to look at Jess. “You wouldn’t stay with him, now.”
Jess smiles softly. “No. I love him, but no.” She hums a few bars of the song she was singing and rolls a blade of grass between her fingers. “What about you and Dean?”
“Don’t kid yourself,” Jo snorts. “He’s going to be glued to Sam for all eternity.”
“And you don’t mind,” Jess says, half questioning. Jo shakes her head.
“Maybe it’d be different if I lived… but I didn’t, and that’s that. And I’m okay.”
“I’m glad,” Jess says. “I’d miss you if you were chasing after him. And I don’t think he deserves you anyways.” She smiles at Jo, a wicked little flash of teeth.
***
“Do you think we’ll be dead forever?” Jess asks. She’s whispering even though nobody is around to hear them if they don’t want to be heard.
Yes, Jo thinks, but she says, “I don’t know.”
“I dream sometimes that we won’t be. That we’ll get a second chance at life,” Jess says. “Like in the Bible. All the souls rise again, everyone gets another shot. We’d finally be able to do all those things we never did, that we didn’t know we wanted ‘till it was too late.”
Jo leans forward and touches her lips to Jess’s. Jess pulls her in close and kisses back. And it isn’t quite like being alive, but it’s close enough.