(no subject)
man, i slept all day yesterday... and all day isn't an exaggeration. i finally woke up enough to get out of bed aroudn 10:45pm. i got up and had a bowl of cereal and a glass of water. we went back to bed sometime between 12 and 1am. i turned on my lappy long enough to check my email and messages, then went back to sleep. i woke up at the same time ben did today, though, around 10am. first time i've been awake before noon in a while. i have no idea what to think about this increase in my meds. i know that i couldn't have kept things the way they were going with the current amount of meds i was taking. it was proven to me by the low amount of lithium actually in my blood. they said it was below average. so with him increasing it, it makes perfect sense. i just didnt think it was supposed to feel like this. i know the first time someone gets put on lithium, most people with have a somewhat euphoric reacion to it, almost like feeling high. i felt that the first time i was put on it.. with this increase though, i feel like my feet have been knocked out from under me. i actually slept ALL DAY yesterday. my thoughts have felt very cloudy, hard to think about things that are important. thoughts don't come too easily. my eyelids stay heavy. i feel like i could sleep at any time. i guess i will just have to stick with this for just a little longer to see how i react. maybe i will level off soon. i hope so. i know the euphoria only lasts a few days, a week at most. i'll see how this goes. i just dont want my family to come in and say you dont need to take these meds because its doing this to you. i want to see if this will work. i need for it to. i cant keep going through switching meds, coming off of something and going onto something else. i just cant take too much more of that. i just need time with these.
i think mom or grandma or someone called yesterday to tell me that pawpaw fell again. i can barely remember. i think they said he fell in the night and then the next morning he went by ambulance to the hospital. the last i remember is that he was supposed to be having some things xrayed and ben told me that mom never called back and that she said if something was wrong she'd call back. i dunno. i hope he's ok. i really do. and i'm worried about grandma too. i just dont have the strength to go back there now. its not grams or pops, its the stress of being there. it puts me and my body through hell. i hate saying that because i dont want to make anyone feel bad, but i just cant handle it. i know grandma needs someone though. i know shes going through hell too. as soon as i start feeling better, i'm going to go down there and stay a while. i'm going to stay as long as i can. its just when i've got to go home, i've got to go home. i love them so much, though.
i think mom or grandma or someone called yesterday to tell me that pawpaw fell again. i can barely remember. i think they said he fell in the night and then the next morning he went by ambulance to the hospital. the last i remember is that he was supposed to be having some things xrayed and ben told me that mom never called back and that she said if something was wrong she'd call back. i dunno. i hope he's ok. i really do. and i'm worried about grandma too. i just dont have the strength to go back there now. its not grams or pops, its the stress of being there. it puts me and my body through hell. i hate saying that because i dont want to make anyone feel bad, but i just cant handle it. i know grandma needs someone though. i know shes going through hell too. as soon as i start feeling better, i'm going to go down there and stay a while. i'm going to stay as long as i can. its just when i've got to go home, i've got to go home. i love them so much, though.