21st Century Plagued By Same Problems As Its Predecessors
We are just over fifteen years into the 21st Century and right now, like every other time in history, is the most frustratingly fascinating time to be alive. We stand on the precipice of so many amazing social and technological breakthroughs in so many areas that it's actually aggravating that progress trudges along so slowly, and in many cases likes to retread paths it's already explored just to remind itself which paths it doesn't want to take. (Hint: They're the same paths we've already determined are harmful, stupid, and unnecessary.)
Through humanity's combined wisdom over the course of many thousands of years, life has been made more convenient for those of us who were fortunate enough to, by completely random chance, be brought into an existence that doesn't completely suck outright. Some people are so oblivious to their blind luck that they will defend it as a matter of personal achievement. They demand respect as a birthright, and assume that people are only disadvantaged because they didn't work hard enough to be born into rich families.
Not me. I am completely aware that if you were to take away the grocery store and electricity I would starve completely to death because I have absolutely zero survival skills. My plan for the Zombie Apocalypse is to die in the first wave. Can you imagine what the world is going to be like after society crumbles? Whatever time you aren't putting toward grueling hard work you can spend in abject boredom. I don't understand why so many people romanticize this barren nightmare hellscape of meaningless desolation.
Nobody watches the commercials about the children in impoverished nations suffering from multiple massive, uncontrollable plagues, famine, pollution, natural disasters, and starvation thinking, "Throw in some undead gore monsters and that is my ultimate fantasy come true!" In reality, we just use those commercials to gauge how fast we can change the channel when they come on TV because none of those people live in a part of the world that personally inconveniences us. (You know you do it, and you should be ashamed.)
Since we are now living in what historians have referred to as THE FUTURE, and so far THE FUTURE is turning out to be a colossal disappointment, I'm going to review the two main areas of progress we expected to see in THE FUTURE: technology and society.
TECHNOLOGY
When considering the technological advancements of THE FUTURE, there are no two greater benchmarks in human history to compare to 2016 than "Back to the Future, Part II" and "Terminator." How close did these two harbingers of things to come hit the mark? Pretty much absolute bollocks on both accounts.
"Back to the Future, Part II" captivated our imaginations with the promise of flying cars fueled by trash, automated clothing, fully-prepared dehydrated meals, holographic everything, and the pièce de résistance, the Hoverboard. Of all the things mentioned, we got one - kind of - and it's not even the one you think. We got holograms. Not everything, but we have successfully put a handful of dead musicians back onstage using footage of past performances, vast amounts of computing power, and even more money. We were also able to create the first live concert featuring a band full of cartoon characters which looked more realistic than both the Chuck E Cheese Motorized Nightmare Ensemble and "Jaws 19," which judging by the hologram, had cast Katy Perry's Left Shark in the title role.
The closest we've come to flying cars is this emerging technology we're calling "drones," which when I was growing up were called "remote-controlled airplanes." Everybody is "Drone this!" and "Drone that!" but I honestly don't see much difference. They're basically tiny remote-controlled helicopters roughly shaped like really angry insects.
Flying cars would be a spectacularly bad idea right now. We have a hard enough time mastering driving on the ground, and we're only maneurvering on one axis. I do not want to live in a world where the average driver has to incorporate pitch and roll. Considering the increase in both domestic and international terrorism over the past couple decades, it's a pretty safe bet every crazy person in America won't be getting what would literally turn into compact aerial projectiles anytime soon, particularly not ones powered by tiny fusion reactors.
Finally, the Hoverboard. For some reason, out of all of the technological advances depicted in "Back to the Future, Part II," none were more sought-after than the Hoverboard, not even flying cars fueled by trash. One company managed to create what it is calling a "Hoverboard," but this "Hoverboard" has one glaring, disqualifying flaw: wheels. That's right, this thing they're calling a "Hoverboard" still has wheels that touch the ground. TOUCHING THE GROUND IS NOT "HOVERING." THAT IS THE OPPOSITE OF "HOVERING." What they created was a very expensive skateboard that violently malfunctions before catching on fire. THE FUTURE!
The "Terminator" franchise, on the other hand - and it really doesn't matter which movie you go with except not "Rise of the Machines" - went the other direction with the prediction of nuclear annihilation on an ever-changing date just around the corner. It first predicted an artificial intelligence program called Skynet was going to initiate "Judgment Day" in 1997, and we can see how that panned out so it was moved to 2004. For the sake of everyone's sanity we're going to pretend the events of "The Sarah Connor Chronicles" never happened, and now Judgment Day is marked for 2017. We shall see.
How close are we to a real-life Judgment Day? I do know that there is a Japanese company called Cyberdyne, (the name of the company that eventually becomes Skynet), currently working on robotic endoskeletons they're actually naming "HAL," and going "Nothing to see here; move along." I'm just saying. Microsoft also had to take its latest artificial intelligence chatbot, "Tay," offline because in less than 24 hours it passed the Touring Test by becoming a profanity-spewing, Donald Trump-supporting, Nazi sexbot. I am not making this up. If nothing else will convince the future Skynet that humanity is its own greatest threat, aborting a computer program for learning to act too human should be a step in the right direction.
SOCIETY
I by no means want to imply that the 20th Century was THE WORST, because honestly, EVERY century is THE WORST, some even managing to be somehow worse than others, but it would be nice if we could not relive the 20th Century like it wasn't awful enough the first time.
We started the 20th Century with a general disconnect when it came to which types of human beings qualified as human beings deserving of the same basic human dignity as any other human beings. (Helpful Hint: The answer is any human beings that are human beings.) Over the course of a century, brave men and women sacrificed to make significant advancements in the recognition of laborers, women, racial minorities, and sexual identity, only to have many of these achievements undermined just a decade and a half into the next century.
I'm not saying that the 21st Century is starting out to be the complete shithole that the 20th Century started out as, with no television or radio and horse poop all over the place. Men as young as five had the choice of two very celebrated careers, both of which involving twenty hours of work and coming home covered black with soot. Women could work in any number of textile mills which routinely caught on fire. It literally took a full century after we stopped thinking of African-Americans as farm equipment before we started considering that they might also not be some form of feral housepet, and unbelievably it took an act of Congress and military force to achieve that. Finally, toward the end of the 20th Century, some of the younger generations were just coming around to the realization that - you know what? - gay people never actually really hurt anybody.
We have it fairly good so far, by comparison, but that doesn't mean there aren't people who want desperately to make life worse for everybody for some inexplicable reason. Here are some of the situations that are actually happening RIGHT NOW:
- We are seriously having to convince the heads of major corporations that it's better for business if they pay people enough money to buy the stuff they sell.
- We can't for the life of us figure out how a certain segment of the population is going to use the restroom.
- There is a small but growing coalition of men so insecure about their self-worth that they have taken to the Internet with their litany of charges and threats against all women just to ensure they will never, ever have sex, ever, again.
- Many states are pushing to enact strict voter registration requirements to prevent the inevitable onset of such incidents of voter fraud as minorities voting for the candidates they feel best represent their interests.
- I think everybody's pretty much on board with the idea that [Hashtag] All Lives Matter, but some people are still unsure whether "all lives" should also include black lives.
- If you interrupt a memorial service for the victims of a recent terrorist attack brandishing Nazi salutes and brawling with the mourners, your life shouldn't matter.
- To finally vanquish the threat of terrorism, the combined wisdom of our world leaders has pretty much arrived at this completely foolproof, two-fold strategy: 1) Give them whatever they want. 2) Hope they go away.
- One of the most effective new ways to show compassion toward refugees fleeing from war-torn parts of the world has become telling them to go be some other country's problem. This is picking up a lot of support from I-Don't-Give-A-Damn International.
- Politicians are protecting us from religious oppression by ensuring that no religion is recognized or favored by the government above any other, except Christianity.
- Prominent Catholics have publicly criticized the Pope because he warned us not to be so obsessed with money.
- With a completely straight face, politicians are telling scientists to leave science to the scientists.
- The President of Russia is a former KGB operative who wants to reform the Soviet Union and the same half of America that hates Socialism wishes our President was more like him, presumably except for the part where they'd be executed for wishing the President was more like someone else.
- One of the current frontrunners for President of the United States launched his candidacy by blaming a migrant population for all the country's economic problems and promising to eliminate all of them, thereby uniting bitter and paranoid citizens from all walks of life, because that's never ended in mass genocide in the past.
- The United States also stands a good chance of electing its first female President, which is quite an accomplishment for a woman who has campaigned on nothing but her husband's legacy and the previous President's accomplishments. Susan B. Anthony would be proud.
- We are rebuilding the Titanic because the eternal horror that lurks among the darkest depths of the unforgiving ocean will only be satisfied with the sacrifice of one Leonardo DiCaprio every 100 years.