(no subject)

[blowtar]

is anyone else sick of people? I'm on the verge of simply vanishing without a trace after I graduate from Clarkson, though the main reasons are completely my fault. I seem to want to pass my own expectations off on other people. I honestly don't know if these expectations are unreasonable, unwarranted, or just plain outrageous, but they frustrate me all the same. I don't know... but what I do know is I've adopted a policy of apathy for just about everything else in the past year, why not this too? It does concern me that when talking to people, I used to be able to put on a smile that was genuine (or in recent years, a smile that at least -seemed- genuine). I just can't seem to fake that kind of smile anymore. Hell, I can't even relay a smile when I honestly feel happy when talking to a person. It still feels forced for some reason I can't explain. Maybe I'm just not happy with my lot in life right now. Maybe I'm overstressed and overworked. Maybe I'm just in one of my depressed cycles right now... I don't know.

I guess all I do know is I'm drowning in my "hobbies", and I sit and wait for no one in particular to im me. And what a surprise, nine times out of ten, no one does. I'm fine with this... I always have been. So why is it bothering me all of a sudden?

meh, I think I'm just looking for an excuse to take a break all the time. Maybe I do need a break... but not until the webpage is done.

oh crap, i have a week and a half before the D101 fanfic is due. Time to stop procrastinating and go forward doubletime again.

"And that's the reason that I'm asking,
and that's the reason that I want to know..."