depression
ah, yes, i haven't posted any updates this week. this wasn't because i wasn't working. nope nope. it's because i'm in one of those "who the hell really cares" kind of modes. y'know, the same kind of mode that finds me laying down on a hardwood floor staring at the ceiling while candles flicker and dance with the shadows. that's right: depression. i don't get it nearly as bad as other people do, and with the exception of this journal, i hide it as much as possible. not that i care what people think, it's simply a matter of worrying people more than i need to.
on the subject of depression, mitch brought it to my attention that NNY-Punk was back in full swing after nearly two years of being defunct. while this is a good thing (maybe i'll even be able to go see some local punk again), it also got me thinking about what happened two years ago june 16th: Jacob Pete, a wonderful musician and lead singer of Good Morning Reality, committed suicide. I didn't know about it until about a month after the fact, when Mike Demarco, the drummer for GMR, joined me working at stature. During those months I learned more about Pete and the band than I had ever guessed was there. Back then it forced me to open my eyes and take a harder look around me, and at me. Now though, it just fills me with sadness. The guy had a band that was going places, a girlfriend that he loved to death and who loved him back, happy supportive parents who, it sounds like, were proud of what he was doing, and he was in college (ok, that's not exactly a great example, but we all graduate sometime...) he had fans, supporters, friends, people who looked up to him... maybe it was just too much for him to handle, I don't know. The only one who knew that answer is long gone. Heh, he even hung himself with his own guitar strings, how symbolic is that?
but what really gets me is the guy was only two years older than I was and had grown up in philadelphia, NY. And it's been two years... i'm his age, right now, waiting to begin my last year of college, like he was. similarly, it's been two years since i self-destructed over the whole ivy situation. You'd think I'd have some peace of mind by now, but all I have are apologies. No regrets, and I never will have those when it comes to her, but i do have a lot of apologies. I think it's time I admit to myself that she's taken up permanent residence inside my head and just deal with it before it causes me to melt down again. But that means doing more than just sitting here on my ass. And what does this have to do with Jake's death two years ago? They're both reminders that life's too short. Take what you can and run with it, don't worry about the rest.
For anyone who's interested, you can find out more about Jacob here. There are a lot of audio files there as well of both him and Good Morning Reality. Take a Listen, most of it's pretty damned good.
oh yeah, before I forget, I have made some progress...
http://www.beyondinsane.net/bs2/
everything is functional now, except for actually viewing the content. it's all listed, though the blog and visual content pages I need to tweak so they display differently. Then I need to get the search working and the page that will actually display the data, and then i'll be done with the rough coding. then i can fine tune the baby, add the appropriate visual stimulation, buy the domain name and put a nail in the coffin that is creamcheesewarlords.com. If anyone has any suggestions or comments on it, i'll keep reminding you to let me know cause once I finish the page, it's done and I won't be touching it again for quite some years. I'll be taking all that extra time and putting it into my new line of work: writing.
on the subject of depression, mitch brought it to my attention that NNY-Punk was back in full swing after nearly two years of being defunct. while this is a good thing (maybe i'll even be able to go see some local punk again), it also got me thinking about what happened two years ago june 16th: Jacob Pete, a wonderful musician and lead singer of Good Morning Reality, committed suicide. I didn't know about it until about a month after the fact, when Mike Demarco, the drummer for GMR, joined me working at stature. During those months I learned more about Pete and the band than I had ever guessed was there. Back then it forced me to open my eyes and take a harder look around me, and at me. Now though, it just fills me with sadness. The guy had a band that was going places, a girlfriend that he loved to death and who loved him back, happy supportive parents who, it sounds like, were proud of what he was doing, and he was in college (ok, that's not exactly a great example, but we all graduate sometime...) he had fans, supporters, friends, people who looked up to him... maybe it was just too much for him to handle, I don't know. The only one who knew that answer is long gone. Heh, he even hung himself with his own guitar strings, how symbolic is that?
but what really gets me is the guy was only two years older than I was and had grown up in philadelphia, NY. And it's been two years... i'm his age, right now, waiting to begin my last year of college, like he was. similarly, it's been two years since i self-destructed over the whole ivy situation. You'd think I'd have some peace of mind by now, but all I have are apologies. No regrets, and I never will have those when it comes to her, but i do have a lot of apologies. I think it's time I admit to myself that she's taken up permanent residence inside my head and just deal with it before it causes me to melt down again. But that means doing more than just sitting here on my ass. And what does this have to do with Jake's death two years ago? They're both reminders that life's too short. Take what you can and run with it, don't worry about the rest.
For anyone who's interested, you can find out more about Jacob here. There are a lot of audio files there as well of both him and Good Morning Reality. Take a Listen, most of it's pretty damned good.
oh yeah, before I forget, I have made some progress...
http://www.beyondinsane.net/bs2/
everything is functional now, except for actually viewing the content. it's all listed, though the blog and visual content pages I need to tweak so they display differently. Then I need to get the search working and the page that will actually display the data, and then i'll be done with the rough coding. then i can fine tune the baby, add the appropriate visual stimulation, buy the domain name and put a nail in the coffin that is creamcheesewarlords.com. If anyone has any suggestions or comments on it, i'll keep reminding you to let me know cause once I finish the page, it's done and I won't be touching it again for quite some years. I'll be taking all that extra time and putting it into my new line of work: writing.